Hi
I don't know if anyone remembers me, i had the wh who had left his family to be with ow in august. came back home in December , false recovery, left again about 6 weeks ago to be with ow. We have 3 children, ages 2, 9 , 12, i work 6 days a week, go to school 5 days a week. Now for an update!
I found out that WH had been going to the local pub with ow, now this is a very small town, and since i grew up here, i know everyone. Well, guess what i did, i applied for a bartender/cook job there and got the job. BOy, the look on Wh's face and OW when they saw me there working, acting like nothing in the world was bothering me. Well, OW did NOT like me being there, and told WH to tell me to quit. lol..Every time i worked there, they would get into this huge fight, worse than we ever fought in our lives. I just did my job and was nice to everyone that came in. Even smiled at OW a few times...even though i was seething inside. Anyways, last weekend my WH showed up alone, while i was working,he had been coming in alone and talking normal to me for about a week,that night, he stayed for about 3 hours and OW showed up, and was not happy at all. She more or less showed her real colors in front of everyone and made a total *ss out of herself because he was there while i was working. Boy, talk about jealousy! hehe SHe also cussed out the owner of the bar for hiring me.. That managed to get her totally barred from the bar, phone, and parking lot...I guess I don't have to worry about seeing her there again..hehe, Well i find out 2 days later, she threw all wh's stuff out, and they are no longer together. I did file a for a seperation which will be done tomorrow. I told WH a month ago, if things kept going the way they were i was going to do this. He did'nt believe me. I think he does now though because he saw my reciept where i paid lawyer. I told him since himself and OW had no respect for themselves, I did have respect for myself so i could'nt stay married to him and know he was committing adultry, lieing, cheating, acting like a 16 year old. I had asked him to make a choice, but that did not work, so i am making my own choice. It was driving me to insanity. I do feel a sort of relief, I hope that WH will see me as a person who now developed a backbone and I am very serious. I tell him i would like to work things out, but he has to be committed 100 % or not at all, no more lies. He is very worried that if we get "seperated" i will start dating.. as if i had time..besides, i am still married, It is'nt like i hav'nt been seperated for the past 9 months already, thanks to him. Has anyone else filed for seperation/divorce and managed to have a positive outcome for their marriage? It is a question i've been wondering about.

Hi, me again
JUst to let everyone know, I do NOT drink, or smoke or do drugs, THe reason i applied for this job,was, the tips are great, i only work 2 days aweek, and my WH flat out ordered me NOT to work there, I am enjoying my new spine, i seem to have lost it a few years ago....

I don't have any advice, but I'm most impressed! How pathetic is it that they have to come there knowing that they're going to fight about your presence! And the irony of the OW trying to get your H to order you to quit. I think this has been a brilliant move for you!

Dobie

I am very impressed! That is so cool! So, I guess the OW felt differently about faithfulness, loyalty, and trust when the foot was on the other shoe.

Exactly what marriage building plan are you in?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Do you want to be married
do you want to be divorced
do you want to be exposed to more and more drama

ARK^^

Ark, I thought being strong, being pleasant to OW (even though she did not feel that way), talking nicely to HUsband for 3 hours, etc. were really good. He sees wife as nice, not complaining, strong, etc. and the OW ended up looking bad, making a lot of bank withdrawls. I thought this might possibly lead to reconciliation.

Do you disagree?

Ow woman look bad because their actions and behaviors ARE bad...

Getting an in your face job is most likely not a Plan A move...the issue is not and never has been the OW...
the issue is the WS...

way to much conflict and your face potential in this plan...
which there already has been plenty of in the past...
especially the mix of alcohol in the environment whether she drinks or not....OP and WS are loopy to begin with...

wvgirl may get her hubby back NOT because he chooses her but because OP gets crazy enough for a period...
and then nothing will be resolved...
and nothing will be fixed or re-built...

it will be WS returns by default...

ARK

Thanks for explaining.

Maybe he is not coming home initailly for the best reasons, but if he is home then she could try a real strong plan A in additon to IC/MC.

I don't know stormy the price of exposing the children once again to returning dad..who may just bolt again once the OP calms down and makes amends..is too high in my book...

ARK^^

You see, I like this part and how you handled it. But ark is correct in the sense that you are exposing yourself to a volatile environment, and you don't want a false recovery.

If your husband is there for a long time, can you water down his drinks to keep him coherent? BTW, my grandfather was an alcoholic who stopped cold turkey, and then worked as a bartender until he died. Strong guy. You sound strong too.

The type of job is a great way for you to interact with other people and look cheerful. There can be a lot of positive energy, apart from your WH and OW.

If your husband comes back too fast or too easily, that might not be enough pain for him. Ark, would it help if he agreed to NC for 4-6 weeks before she lets him back?