I guess you all would be the best ones to ask. I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. I left the house almost two years ago after the wife filed for Divorce. During the conversation after her first meeting with her lawyer she made a comment to me that caused me to back off from attempting to get custody of the children. Her words "I am concerned about the relationship you have with our daughter. Since I am not meeting you sexual needs I am fearful when I see you and daughter staying up late to watch TV or are alone together."

OK, daughter and I had already spent 12 years together doing those very same things. Why all of a sudden is it a "concern". Seems rather obvious since it had only been 5 days since she received a call from OM's wife telling her that if she stepped foot in her Church again or was even heard of being around her husband she would drag in front of the Church.

Fast forward a bit...Divorce was final August 2003 with her having custody and me visitation. I chose to back out because while I did have and continue to have a wonderful realtionship with all of my children I was NOT going to allow OD to be dragged through Court and cast seeds of doubt in her mind. In these almost two years child support has never been late, I have maintained an active part of the children's lives to the extent that our visitation schedule and the former wife allows. I have to plead guilty, I do try to get my hands on them as often as possible <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Last July, 11 months aftr our divorce OD made a comment about coming to live with Daddy, at that time she was 13. I told her that while I was flattered that she would want to come and live with me I doubted very seriously if Mom would allow that. Asked to her to sit on it for a while and if she continued to feel that way we could approach it at a later date.

During the last year OD has managed to squeak out extra days with Daddy, sometimes spending 3 or 4 days a week with me. Her mother has never objected to these extra days. Our son has also begun to stay more often as he says he enjoys the extra time with Dad. About four weeks ago as we were coming home OD and DS were talking about summer vacation and what they would be doing. After OD described her summer DS says "I thought you were going to go to Daddy's this summer?"


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> This was the first mention of that since last July that I was aware of. OD says "Mommy said if I lived with Daddy I would not be able to go to my school." So it sounds as if Mommy and daughter have had some discussion about this but OD was given incorrect information. I asked OD about this and followed up with the former the following Wednesday. Former says that she "never" said any such thing and that I need to quit planting these ideas in OD's head. Her reasoning is that she says that OD has never said anything to her at all about coming to stay with me.

Last week OD asked me again what would have to happen for her to come and stay with me. I explained that if Mom and I could agree as mature adults then nothing but a change in custody and child support papers. If we could not agree and it's something that you really want to do then you would have to explain to a Judge why you felt that you want to change and live with Daddy. While our state's technical law says that you cannot decide until you are 18 at 14 the Courts to begin to give creedance to what your wishes are. For the most part it would not be what I say or what Mom says but how you express yourself to the Judge and the reasons why.

Geez....all of that just for a question. I feel that I am a decent Dad. Actually I think I am a great Dad. Issues prior to the divorce and the divorce itself caused me to take a long deep look at myself and my priorities in life. I know the children being with me as recently I posed to the this question. "Kids, you know where my money goe each month and I know it's been tight the last two years. We have two options, move to a smaller apartment instead of this house and have more money for nights out and movies or we can stay here and be broke" Almost in unision they all replied "Stay here and be broke."

So, would you as the custodial parent allow your OD to go and live with the other parent?

Or, she could be playing you.
I'd suggest a test period before you make anything official.

I'll acknowledge that. But what would she be playing me for? I know that as a father daughters can wrap us around their little fingers but as a woman, what would her motives be for playing me?

Hi Trusting Him,

As a mom about to become the main custodial parent... I would allow my daughter to make that decision IF I felt I could trust her father in a number of different areas...Would he raise her with the same values and principles that I felt important? Would our standards be in agreement? Would that really be the best scenario for our daughter? How would that affect the other siblings?

Could your former wife's hesistancy be due to financial considerations? Would she be receiving less child support? If that is the only thing holding her back from agreement, could you make some modifications that would cause her to allow for your daughter to come live with you? Just some thoughts from someone who will all to soon be there. God bless as you work through this.