My xW called me yesterday and asked me if we can move the summer visitation around this summer to accommodate a trip she’s taking with our boys and her mom (and OM, I beleive). The trip is part of a medical mission she works in her native country so it’s a great opportunity for the kids to see her side of the family. Problem? In order to make this work logistically, the boys have to leave the Friday before Father’s day.

She’s missed most of the Fathers Days b/c of the mission--I was fine with that while we were marriaed--but now she’s asking me to sacrifice my first, post-Dv Fathers Day to accommodate her desires.

In that same conversation, I had to tell her about my firing , as it affects the benefits I provide the boys. Her reply? ‘Good luck’

I’m really trying to do right by the boys, but sometimes this sitch makes me feel handicapped and bound. It's like my life was stolen. I know that's an illusion, but this journey from married, secure and employed to divorced, broke, and unemployed can rally affect one's vision.

Opinions?

I think being flexible would work best now & for what it may do for your relationship with your x in the future.

I know Father's Day is important, but as long as you don't lose time with your children accomodating this change my help improve the rapport you have with your W.

Any fuss this may cause would affect the children. Even when we think they don't know they likely do.

I had a more thoughtful response but found I was logged out so if this seems curt I'm sorry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> computers!

I'm also sorry to hear about your job loss.

Can you make an arrangement with your xW to celebrate Father's Day before they leave?

Sure I could--and will celebrate Fathers Day b4 they leave. We share 50/50 custody so the exchanges are every other day, except for two weeks each in the summer. I could--but won't--get them to Jamaica after Fathers Day b/c they would have to catch up to the mission independently (not comfortable doing that with a 3 and 6 y/o).

But as I sit in church that Sunday w/o my kids, w/o my family, I will still feel the missing pieces in my life. People, relationships and experiences are not interchangable. It's the knowing of that caveat that pains me.

I totally understand about the feeling at church ... everyone celebrating with their own families ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />
Last year I couldnt' even think about going to church on Mother's day with DD and myself ...
so I went home (PR) and spent the weekend with my mom ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />
and even with that, I didn't attend the mass back home... I couldn't ...
It still was very hard ...I was sad and depressed ...

This year, I'm doing the same thing again ...

You certainly have every reason to be upset/angry. I just don't think you benefit from that feeling at all.

I know how you feel. Well, except I'm female & my stbx has my children every other wknd & twice for a few hours during the week. I hate not being a family, having my boys pack up to "visit" their father. But this was a choice I was forced to live with. I can be mad ( believe me I have been) but I find I feel better when I make things work in the now instead of being angry about the latest of stbx needs that force a change on me.

Maybe I won't always be this accomodating. Perhaps he will push me too far, but I guess what little peace I can find I make.