Hi,

I have been with my significant other for almost 11 years now. Recently, I have discovered infidelity on his part but he will not fess up to it. I gave him a chance to end it therefore accepting his mistake, but he said nothing was going on but it has not ended as I recently heard the woman leaving him messages after like 4 months of finding out and confronting him. In my mind, I think the best thing is to end it, since I have no commitment to him and no children are involved yet even though the love is still there. I just have a feeling that someone like him will never change, especially since he can't accept his fault and is apparently still after this other woman. I've thought of counseling, but this makes no guarantees right? Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

Hi errie - based on your brief description, his denials sound very typical. Expect more until you put solid evidence under his nose. Then expect still more.

People like him DO change - pretty frequently. Yes, there are no guarantees, but there can be unbelievable success at rcovering relationships and marriages threatened by infidelity.

Please get a copy of Surviving An Affairby Harley, available in the bookstore on this site or just about any on-line bookseller.

Read up on this site about Plan A.

Read the link in my sig line below.

I and others here frequently advise young, non-married folks with no kids to cut your losses and move on. This all depends on how much you have invested in the relationship. Only you can make this call. 11 years is a long time.

Do nothing for now other than to learn all you can from this site about infidelity. Knowledge is poawer and you'll be better able to make a decision regarding moving on when you know more of the disease you're fighting - and its treatment.

Hi there,

Thanks for posting! Yes, it's been a long time and if there was a way to salvage the relationship knowing that this won't happen again (I know there are no guarantees, but maybe to lessen it), then I'll try anything. I actually did read the book you recommended, this website, and have also bought His Needs, Her Needs. I am still running into trouble finding out how to get him to realize that this is wrong and to get him on track to "curing" himself from this disease. I know it's not an easy thing and the first thing he has to do is acknowledge that an affair is going on instead of lying all the time. Is it best to go to a marriage counselor? Does this help at all? Or what's the best approach for someone to not do this anymore and value their current relationship? Please let me know. Thanks!