Since you read the Bible, I want to share that I found comfort in PSALMS.

"The Lord will keep you from all harm. He will watch over your life." Psalms 121

"God is our shelter and strength,
Always ready to help in times of trouble.
So we will not be afraid, even if the earth is shaken..."
Psalms 46

There's more and more.....

Oh, Mimi, that was beautiful. The Bible and my faith in God are the source for the strength I needed to get this far. One of my very favorite promises specifically dealing with infidelity is in Hosea 2:6,7.

"Therefore, behold, I will hedge up thy way with thorns, and make a wall, that she shall not find her paths. And she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them: then shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband; for then was it better with me than now."

Is that a great Plan A/Plan B, or what? I've been praying for oodles of thorns.

What are some of the best methods for delivering a PBL? Obviously I could hand it to him and walk away, but I could also wait until I found his car outside her house late at night and slip it under his windshield wiper. I could leave it on the pillow for him to find when he gets home from his illicit activities and finds that his family is staying the night elsewhere to give him the space he needs to pack. So many choices. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I suppose it's worthy of note that tonight is the first night he has 'blown off' her pleas for sex in quite some time, instead just staying home with the family. Or at least it's the first time in quite a while without some crisis, like his dear BW sneaking off as (almost) happened Saturday night. Tomorrow is their sacred Wednesday. Maybe it's time to plan another trip to, um, see friends...and stuff...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I'm probably the last person on earth qualified to give advice about Plan A, Plan B, or anything else right now. I do follow your thread, though, and as you know I shamelessly borrowed parts of your Plan B letter to use as my own. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I just wanted to thank you for including this part of Exodus in your thread. It jumped out at me. I really needed to hear it.

Do the right thing, then stand back and let God do his thing. Very powerful.

Thanks again.

Mail it or hand it to him. Make sure it's a paper version and not e-mailed. Of course, keep several copies for yourself. See the advice in SAA about sending a copy to the OP. Something I should have done but didn't was to send copies to my in-laws.

Help my feeble mind remember - are you living apart yet? No Plan B until you are.

WAT

I agree with WAT about letting the OW know about PLAN B.

I didn't send her a copy of my PLAN B letter because I made it very personal about things in our past that I did not want her to necessarily know about. It made our R special from his R with her. I did simply let her know in a couple of brief telephone messages that I loved my H and was removing myself from the situation because of that. "I just want to let you know that I love MY HUSBAND", CLICK.....

I've learned that it was a big bother to her. She tried to convince him that I didn't love him like she did. The PBL was his evidence that this was not true!! It was a road map showing him what he had to do to come find his way back to me.

Pebbles - you're welcome. Those verses really jumped out at me, too.

WAT - This is so confusing! Just a quick reminder that WH has no legal share in our home, (I don't either), and cannot refuse to leave. We are not living apart, but when he reads in my letter that I am asking for NC with him, I think it will be painfully obvious that his first immediate choice is: do I move out/maintain with OW, or do I stay and choose to comply with my wife's boundaries?

That's why I asked if I should ask him to move out first, Plan A for a little, and then go to Plan B, but I think in this circumstance it could be done all at once, since of course he can't be living in the same house with me and have NC. Either way, he has no legal recourse to stay against my will.

Mimi - I would [color:"red"] LOVE [/color] to send a copy to OW, maybe to her family, too. Sending it to my in-laws is a good idea as well, though they are firmly on my side. It would be more in the way of just comforting them by letting them know of the depth of my committment to their wayward son/brother/nephew, etc. None of them would blame me at this point if I just kicked him to the curb and had done with it.

NOT SO:

It is not recommended by MB for you to ask him to move out during PLAN A. Asking him to move out is not consistent with PLAN A. It's OK to do so once you make the decision to do PLAN B because you have spelled this out as a condition to protect your love for him by having NC. Asking him to move out during PLAN A is not a loving behavior, in fact, it would be a huge LBer.

During Plan A, the job is to meet ENs, don't LB,expose, negotiate with him/her a plan for ending the A. During PLAN A, allow him to move out but don't beg him to stay. DON'T ASK HIM TO MOVE!

Understand?

ditto mimi until you are at the end of your Plan A rope - until you can no longer avoid LBs.

WAT

Well, Mimi, I decided to go to B as soon as I saw that the A had intensified from him only sneaking off to boink her once every week or two (as far as I could tell) to 3-4 times a week is my guess now, and his messages to her just ooze lust, where before he did occasionally seem like he was trying to stay away somewhat. (Am I making any sense? My head feels garbled.)

My Plan A is gasping its last breaths, and I'm just struggling to hold on a couple more days to figure out just how to do this. [color:"blue"]BY THE WAY, THE CONFRONTATION WITH THE VP WILL PROBABLY TAKE PLACE TONIGHT!!! [/color] Anyway, I'm starting to get the idea a little bit, but must be on the slow end of the learning curve right now.

So, at the risk of seeming repetitive and a little slow, do any or all of you think my PBL will suffice to take care of him moving out AND establishing NC with me, keeping in mind he will have no legal right to stay once he is asked to go?

If your love bank is nearing E and you choose to implement Plan B, then you have to ask him to leave. Change your letter thus:


You'll need to decide if you want to ask him to leave before you give the letter or not. I recommend you ask him to leave first - calmly verbalizing that you cannot tolerate his behavior any longer living under the same roof.

Then, when you know he's gone, give him the Plan B letter. If he won't go, you have to kick him out, citing his lack of legal standing in the home.

Giving him the letter first presents the potential pitfall of immediately having to violate Plan B if he resists going.

JMHO

WAT

Has he talked about leaving on his own at all?

My love bank might have lasted longer were it not for knowing that he is having @n@l $e# with her and then dragging his defiled member straight home to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> I can hardly stand to look at him right now, and it is just about killing me to be nice, though I have managed to avoid LB's thus far and want to keep it that way.

I will very seriously consider your recommendation to tell him verbally to leave, but honestly I don't know if I can. It seems a bit cowardly, but I just don't know if I can stick to it in person. He will start crying, I will start crying, we fall in each others arms declaring our undying love, @n@l $e# or no, and I'm no farther ahead. BAMOABS would take care of anything that needed to be taken care of if he refuses go, and I would not have to violate my brand-new B.

There have been 2-3 times in this where he has gotten really mad about something and said he was coming home to pack, but by the time he got there just didn't want to leave, and reconsidered very quickly. He's too busy with the cake to think of leaving on his own.

'neak - ya never know - you play the "you have to leave" card and he may crumble. Then you hafta stand your ground with NO huggin or cryin.

There are some interesting combinations that could be developed with this and the "investigation."

Ya gotta play hardball. Ya gotta be cool and confident. Anytime you doubt your ability to do this, just think of him boinking the 'saur up the hershey highway and that oughta strengthen your resolve, huh?

WAT

Do I want him to crumble? He probably would, and agree to anything I said, but go right back into his deception mode, but deeper and harder to catch this time, even with "transparency". How would I handle that?

BTW, your quaint description of the 'saur's HH was a new one on me, and gave me a big <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It's not an issue of wanting him to crumble. Don't take that the wrong way. Nobody should want anybody to crumble - well, except for OM in my sitch. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

But the reality is that some form of "crumble" it what has to happen in order to heal. They usually have to hit bottom - hard - before being able to really loosen control of the Mothership.

WAT

The kids are a big issue here, too, as he is very likely to demand immediate access to them if I am present. Much brainstorming going on right here, perhaps I have found a compromise. If I call him on his cell phone, say what I have to say and that I will be gone overnight and have left him a letter explaining everything, then I have not totally dodged responsibility for a personal confrontation and yet have removed the rest of the family from the blast zone. And perhaps having us gone, at least overnight will bring about enough 'crumble'.

I see where you are coming from, NOT SO. I don't like the idea of you standing there asking him to leave. I know about those cake-eaters. He will get you to crumble. I like your idea or better yet I was wondering if there was a way for you to pack up his stuff, leaving it outside with the note, then changing the locks...some way for you not to have to face him anymore.

I see your point. Don't have the answer for you....

I could just change the locks, (Notso's face grows thoughtful), but at the same time I really want him to have to pack his own stuff. He needs to face the reality and not have everything done for him like I always have. He needs a good, strong taste of life without me, and that will do him/us the most good.

My biggest fear is that he will bring OW into the house to help him and she'll sneer at my housekeeping. (I do have three small messy children and a business in my living room, so tho I try to at least keep the grand vista looking decent, you would not have to look far to find sneer material.) But my sis says, "She is an evil woman. DO NOT CARE WHAT SHE THINKS!" But being the wonderful sister that she is, she is helping me tidy anyway.