Well the title says it all! My wife has come back and for a while was very exited by the idea of recovering our marriage. Now that some time has gone by she has started to waver a bit . I am now starting to get worried that maybe she is just going to leave again. I have posted about a few things in the emotional needs board but nobody there seems to reply to anything. I never thought that she would want to come back let alone spend all week with me. I need advice on what to say to a confused WW to bring her "over the hump". We are going out tonight with her friends from work. I think that I would like to have three of "our songs" played without her knowledge. Is thi a good idea or will it just make her uncomfortable? She has been great this week except for the frustration with her schoolwork. I just don't want to have to get over her again. It has been weeks since somebody replied to a post of mine. Please help! Any mistake now could cost me the whole marriage!

Hi
Hope your weekend went well.
Playing the songs for her should add to the love bank if she finds out you did indeed do the asking. Otherwise, it is positive because it sets the mood with music she likes.

If she has indeed opened the door just a tiny bit then you need to start doing everything you can from the His Needs/Her Needs book. Fill her bank right back up.

Are you in counselling?? If not it is time to find one that can help you keep moving in the right direction. God knows you are going thru this and is listening as well. Nice part is the 24/7 availability and He just loves us.


Do you have any goals? What are you doing to cope with this all??? Keep posting here--I haven't had much response either board so...I'll watch for you here.

Hopefully this time when I post it won't log me off like a few minutes ago.

I don't have experience with what you're dealing with. But, I can ask questions. Are you living apart? Is she moving back in? I do know that it is harder to communicate when you are not together, but sometimes distance helps temper emotions.

Can you two plan to do some things - go somewhere away from home turf where there is less baggage, and talk, have fun, etc.?

What if you were dating her? What would you do? YOu would be trying to win her over, right? Think about what that might look like. I'd avoid pressuring her for decisions, but that advice could be way off base. Best if someone who's been there and done that could answer.

Have you tried GCII - there seems to be more people posting there, and others who are dealing with recovery from affairs. You might get more response there, and better feedback.

Good luck to you.