Your situation made me think a lot about mine.
My WH, 29, had an affair with an 18-year old girl. We have 2 children together, 6.5 years & 13 months. They meet while working together. SUPPOSEDLY it only went on for less than 2 months before I found out, when he told me on my son & my birthday.
I talked to the girl just after finding out about it, he told me. I asked her if her parents knew about him & his family. She said they knew he had children but thought he was divorced. I told her good luck with him because I was DONE. BUT also, remember that everything she heard about ME was one sided. (She even told WH how nice I was to her later that day.)
The next day he begged me to stay & I was with him when he ended it with her. I called her and said that I hope she leaves him alone to TRY to work things out with our family. I also said that I hope that if she ever finds someone who she really loves, that no one tried to interfere with her marriage they way she did ours.
Please tell your daughter if this man truly loves her and respects her that he will leave his wife for her. She needs to STOP HELPING him ruin someone else’s life. It is not just her life that is effected but his wife and their children. If he can have a double life and lie to his wife about her, he must be good at it, so what makes her think that he is not doing the same thing with her or will not do it in the future. If she says ‘because he loves me.’ Well, obviously he loved his wife at ONE time or they wouldn’t be married with children. Also, Nothing that STARTS bad can END well. The odds really are against it. I am sorry but she is going to end up hurt in this relationship. I am sure you know that. I am sure she is a WONDERFUL young woman, I hope she realizes he is using her to escape from the reality of his real life.
WH & I are struggling EVERYDAY to get past this. When he realized I was not going to try to compete or fight with an 18-year old he realized he had lost me and came RUNNING back. I am not sure if it will ever be the same.
Good luck. I hope she can realize that is in a bad situation. Maybe you can suggest that she contact the wife, or do it yourself. However, that may really backfire in YOUR face between you and your daughter.
Angi
