First of all, PTL on your reconciliation! For this is exactly what God has done! He has reconciled you both! This is the start. NOw, where do you go from here?

I remember when H first came home, we had similar questions. How do we move on? How do we forgive each other for the hurts we caused each other & get our M to the point that we wanted it? We saw a Christian MC. I had been seeing him for IC, but he wanted to do the MC also. He was an angel sent by God I can only say.

Both of you are scared. Both of you are asking yourselves, Can it be done? What if we go through all this recovery & it just ends up back to the way it was? Let yourself question -- it's part of the process. It's only natural for you to do that. Tip -- Don't be hard on yourself. Don't tell yourself, Well, I promised to forgive him. Why did I do this? Why did I do that? Let yourself go through the process. You won't be in one stage permanently. It's a continual growth & learning process.

Shul, you cannot just put it behind you & move forward. YOu're right. YOu have to talk about it. It's also a part of the process. You have spent so much time praying for him, changing yourself, focused on your M that you need something to help you start to heal too. Don't ever forget about yourself. God loves you too. That isn't selfish, that is accepting God's love & accepting that you too are special in God's eyes.

You asked, how do you start talking? Being honest. Telling him just what you told us. That you want to move forward. THat you want to deal w/all of this & start to heal. He needs to know that he is going to have to put in his share of communication. He needs to be honest w/you too. Tell him that you too are confused so he doesn't feel so alone (b/c I'm sure he's questioning things too). If you enter together, w/God as your guide, you two will be able to do this. It's very scary & recovery is hard work, but it can be done. THe thing is, BOTH of you need to be able to hear what the other is saying. You need to be open to hear things that you might not necessarily want to hear.

Maybe a good place to start the communication is through a MC. Would your H be willing to do that? I think it's necessary. Can you find a good Christian MC? It might also benefit him to have an IC as well. These outlets can be a good way to express each other's feelings & thoughts in a safe environment. Try to pray for the right one to be shown to you. God will do it -- you know how loyal He is!

Remember this is not a sprint -- take each day at a time. Patience is very much needed from this point forward. You have been so patient so far. Just keep utilizing that. Maybe go over Corinthians I 13 & write each characteristic of love down & see what you need to work on to keep showing him that love.

I know what you're saying about a nightmare. You want to just wake up from that nightmare & it all be over, & I think that God has answered that prayer for you. You have woken up from the nightmare, now the dream can begin. Be sure to utilize God's counsel & listen carefully w/your heart. He hasn't steered you wrong yet.

Keep God first & foremost at the center of this new R w/your H. This is the beginning. You have a long journey ahead of you & we'll be here to support you through it. You might even want to hang out w/us at the Recovery board. There's some valuable wisdom over there, some incredible people that are continuing to nurture their M's & recover nicely w/a few bumps in the road. They have helped me tremendously along w/this forum on Prayer Requests.

If you need to talk, my e-mail address is [email]cherfan31@earthlink.net.[/email] May God continue to bless you & be w/you as you start this new chapter in your life.

Blessings.

Hi Standing,

It is good to hear from you. I have missed you.

All along through this I have maintained that this affair was only one more symptom of a deeper issue. And that has not really been dealt with, even though he is not with her anymore.

But I think this experience might be the catalyst that causes him to look at his life in general.

This is too big for me.

If anyone is reading, we need prayer right now, for my husband to have courage and faith, and that the enemy's lies will be revealed.

Prayers coming your way Shul.

S&C

Hi all,

We are talking.

He has made a decision to end it with her and to be with us.

But he was still seeing her, letting it drag on.

He has paid her the money he owed her, and now he just has to tell her its over.

This is about him doing what is right and trusting God for his needs.

Please pray that he will have courage.

Shul,

Prayers coming your way. I really hope it works for both of you.

T

Courage he already has for even being willing to "try" and choose against the temptations of sin.

Submission to God and the commitment to "stay with God" even through the emotionally tough times is what I will pray for for your husband. For you, I pray that God surrounds you with His angels for comfort and steadiness while the storm rages around you...as you keep your gaze fixed on Christ and not the events.

God bless.

Shul,

It's been almost a week since we've heard from you. Can you give us an update?? Still praying 4 you both.

Hi Yvette ,

Thankyou so much for praying for us, and for caring about us.

Things have changed circumstancially in our lives lately.

John has been staying here with me and Bethany the past few nights.

It had been almost two years that we had slept all night in the same bed. It feels strange to me, and to him I think.

He started a job today, in the city an hour away. He has more or less moved in here I think.

We haven't really talked lately, but he has been spending time with Beth, and with me.

I am not sure how things are between us. I don't feel sure of his reasons for being here with me.

As far as I know he is not seeing the ow. He says he is not but I don't know. It is hard to know if I should believe him anymore, you know?

I want to. But I'm scared Yvette. I don't know if I can take any more hurt in my life. I have always been able to be free with my love and forgiveness , but this has taken a toll on me.

We are not in perfect harmony with each other or with the Father.

My hindsight is working fine.

Glad to see you posted an update. I'm sure things are pretty much at a standstill right now. Both of you unsure of what to do next. I remember when my H first came home, it was really weird having him sleep next to me too. I was so used to sleeping alone, same w/him. Shul, just remember to have patience & give it lots of time. If you want to have the M that you long for, you have all the time in the world.

Being scared is natural. And expect there to be ups & downs. Is there any way you can check up & see if he is telling you the truth about NC? Has he given you access to everything?

Yvette,

He hasn't given me access to anything, and he is not talking much.

I could check up, but I haven't.

It feels like he just slid out of her bed and into mine.

It feels like nothing has been resolved and that we are back to the same old.

On the other hand he is here, and he is parenting. Maybe actions count for something.

He is not walking with God, and I feel profoundly sad. I feel that I have disappointed God- that I should have just left him alone until God had dealt with him, but I let the flesh dictate.

I guess time will tell.

Shul,

Sorry I didn't see this post. How did I miss that? And from a couple of weeks ago? Sorry.

I'm sorry to hear about your H. W/drawal can be very powerful. Maybe you can continue to pray for your H's heart to be softened toward you. It sounds like it's working for your DD. I'm glad to hear he's finally being the parent that he should be. That's a start.

I wouldn't concentrate too much on his walking w/God right now. This can be changed at any time. My H has been home for over a yr & he is finally now starting to talk more about God, go to church, & read mat'l about being a spiritual leader in our house. He's also reading his Bible now faithfully.

Sometimes it takes a while, but as long as you continue to pray & let God guide you, I think you'll be ok. Keep coming here to get your support. That is, after you seek God first.

Hugs,

(((Yvette)))

Thank you for always seeing hope in this.

I am trying to just be as loving as I know how, and trust God for the rest.