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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 39
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 39 |
H wanted to remain friends with OW. I told him that we can't recover our marriage with her in the picture and that he would have to say "goodbye". I know all about plan A, but he's asking me to let him do this (say goodbye)in his own way. He tried to say goodbye before but slipped up. Q: since I see him trying, should I give him room to deal with this his own way? I have been making suggestions, not demands and he is responding to me. Is this a safe pathway? I'm afraid that if I start making demands he will feel backed into a corner and I will push him toward her instead. On the other hand, there isn't much trust right now and I don't know if I can trust him to stop communicating completely with OW. WWYD?
The greatest happiness is that you can have is knowing that you do not necessarily require happiness.
William Saroyan
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424 |
The bad news is that you've just started Plan A and can't stop him from going. All you can do is tell him that each time he has contact with her, it causes you pain and that it's not your wish that he does so. You can suggest that he say goodbye with a No Contact letter, but I doubt he'll be receptive at this time. You're also completely within Plan A guidelines to inform OWH each time there is contact.
These "goodbye/closure" meetings aren't a way to say goodbye. They're just an excuse for the aliens to have contact again. Hang in there. Plan A does work if done properly. Have you set a timeline for yours yet?
Dobie
Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 487
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 487 |
Plan A means encouraging the end of the affair. Right? Seeing her will just renew the affair. At least carry on the feelings and contact. Tell him with honesty and non judgement that it would hurt you and would delay or even prevent recovery and reconciliation. Tell him that it is not a punishment to keep them apart but a vital and imperative part of the renewal of commitment to you. Good Luck.
BW (me)46, XH 46, OW 42 (former friend)
DS26, DD23, DS21, SS17, SS27
EA since 2/04? PA?
He filed for divorce 3/8/06.
OW divorce final 3/10/06.
He left 3/13/06, "to think"
Gave me letter from lawyer on 3/17/06.
Divorce final 9/1/2006.
Happily remarried to new H 6/7/08
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