I'm so mad! I exposed the A, OW told her H that she would rather be with MY H than him! Now my H not only has to fight off his feelings toward her, but her feelings toward him because she would LOVE for me to leave him or vice-versa so she could have what's mine!!!!!!!!

Dang it!! Does he have a chance at all!!?? I am tired. I'm not eating, hardly sleeping, can't concentrate on anything. Sometimes I'm driving and I don't even remember how I got to wherever I went. We had a great time last night just relaxing and not talking about bad things. But, what are the odds that he's going to be able to let her go now?? She is screaming her message to him loud and clear: "you're wife will never change and give you what you need. I will and I will leave my H to prove it to you!"

God, I'm gonna be sick. How do I deal??
I wanna die.

Repeat after me! BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! Cause that's what you should translate all their words as until they get their heads out of some really dark and smelly places.

Don't get sucked into anyone's fog babble! Particularly second hand fog babble!

Gee, her H confronted her with his knowledge of the affair. He probably wasn't real happy about it and let her know it. At that moment, are you surprised she said that to him?

Now your H relays the info to you to show you how he has this great option between you and her. Control, anger, and nonsense.

The affair is seeing the light of day and the participants aren't happy. Believe it or not, this is a good outcome.

So what if she leaves her husband? She'll be upset, clingy, angry, and full of drama. And you sit there doing a good Plan A, rising above the filth. Eventually even most of the fog blinded aliens will notice the comparison.

Hang in there! It's painful, but you did the very most important part of making this affair be less fun!

Dobie

Happy Panda, How does this change things for your H? She's probably told him many times she'd rather be with him than her H. That is affair-talk.

Your H still has the same choices, work on his marriage/end the affair or cheat and deal with the consequences.

The OW in my H's longest A left her H, got D'd. (I believe it was an exit A for her, but...) A continued. My H moved in with her and her kids a month after D was final. The A lasted about 1.5 months after that. Reality set in and it wasn't pretty. We recovered from that one...only to have him have another A (different OW) four years later with another woman whom he had befriended briefly a couple of years before that. She called him out of the blue to say she was Hi and she was separated...but that is another story....that wasn't as long of an A as the prior one. I believe and hope it was his last A. He has since learned about bounderies, MB principles, and especially that he can't have close personal friendships with any OW.

Hang in there.

happypanda! I love that name. :-)

Please try to get some food in -- you don't want your hair to fall out like Sally's did do you? I know how hard it is to get the food in and keep it in, but it's harder to cover up your hair falling out!

Listen, you keep doing your Plan A and continue to get your venting out here. One of the things I KNOW about Phil's OW is that she doesn't know me at all and she doesn't really know Phil either. What she knows is what Phil TELLS her and that is not the same thing as reality.

So Phil thought OW was the most wonderful, sweetest, kindest, truest person he's ever met? I'm with Dobie on this one: blah blah blah. That is what he says to her. Not reality. She's already needy, complaining, scheming, acting as I'm the other woman in HER life... I say let 'er rip!

It's not about OW. It's about you. You don't have to scream in H's face although I'll bet you want to! You just keep doing your Plan A. You show him consistency. You show him kindness. You show him you don't care about OW. Which is true.

Someday she'll be off the radar -- will you still be caring what she's doing then? NO!! You only care about her because H cares. She's not your target. She's nothing. H is your target. Your life is your target. You just keep concentrating on YOUR plan.

What is something you've never read that seems interesting and will make your H surprised to see you reading? Go get that and read it. You can talk with H about it. Is there a sport that you haven't tried in a while or at all? Go do that. Invite H with you. He doesn't want to go? You go anyway.

Is there a new really dive-y looking pub in town? Take H out for a pop. Or ask him to meet you. Sit at the bar and watch the sports... If he doesn't want to just say, "I kind of want to check it out." and then go by yourself (bring your book with you). He won't like that. Even if he says he does.

You can do this. But you've got to get some food in you. Even a bite or a sip of something -- just a little bit. OK? We want to know you are eating enough so that you stay pretty. I couldn't eat either but you really don't want to wind up looking like I do right now. :-) Think of it as part of your Plan A. We care about you.

Sally