Why do I do it to myself?

1st a question…FWH, does that stand for Former Wayward Husband as is Ex husband or as in he is no longer cheating?


Just to clarify, WH ended his relationship 3/11.

Now my ‘issue’:
Everything I have read here said that it takes WS about 6+ months to ‘get over’ their OP. H has not shown any signs of missing her. This leads me to wonder if he is 1) still seeing her. 2) Hiding it VERY well 3) Never really cared. Where I would LOVE to believe it is 3, I am not naive, so what do I do…I ask him. Hence…WHY do I do it to myself!

I asked him if he missed her & He said Not at all.
I said, “Every thing I have read said that it should take you 6+ months to get over her. So either you are lying or you don’t miss her.’ He said “Only when you ask about her.”
Me ’well that is quite a bit lately’
Him ‘not very often’
Me ‘when’
Him ‘when I see a tall thin brunette.’
Me ‘what do you think’
Him ‘about her body’
Me ‘so you think about having sex with her. Thought you didn’t enjoy it’
Him ‘it was something different & now, but not real enjoyable’
Me ‘then why did you do it and still think about it’

That is when DD walked in & we ended the conversation. He did say ‘stop reading that stuff, it just puts more thoughts in your head & upsets you.’

While all this was going on he was getting ready for work & the thought me locking our door meant sex. Before he left he said you really know how to ruin the moment. I said, you ruined the moment 2 months ago.

We kissed good-bye and said we loved each other and he left. He does not get off until mid-night tonight. With 2 little ones I can not even go spend the evening with him.

Was I was wrong by starting the conversation? Things seem to be going well & I start questioning everything and if he is just trying to fool me.

HOW DO I STOP? Why can’t I just take the good times and forget not read into it?

Angi,

Yes, FWH means Former Wayward Husband. You'll find the link for all the abbreviations at the top of this forum Acronyms, smilies, etc..


My H gave me almost the exact same answers to the "do you miss her,,do you think about her" question as yours has given you. "No,,I don't think about her until you mention her." Now,,, I don't for one minute believe he didn't think about her at all. Afterall, my H had a long term "secret friendship" with her prior to it becoming a PA. I do believe he didn't go through a serious "withdrawal" like some FWS's do. He didn't see her everyday, every week and sometimes not for months so she was not a regular part of his daily routine. Perhaps this is true for your H also.

Angi, you are going to have questions,,lots of them. Your hurt and pain are new,,still raw. You should seek answers to your questions but you need to plan your time to ask alittle better! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Asking when he's getting ready to leave for work is not good planning and doesn't give you time to discuss any answer he might have given! Or when the kids are home and might interupt or hear you talking. Not good. Your H needs to be able to feel SAFE when he talks to you. Safe from being heard by others, safe to have enough time to explain his answers if he chooses to do so, and safe that you will not flame out at his replies and throw this back in his face.

Find an appropriate time to talk to him. Hitting him up with new questions every 10 minutes is going to get old REAL quick. And frustrating for both of you. Instead of asking your questions, write them down,,make a list,,and when the appropriate time comes,,ask the most important ones first. If necessary, write down his answers so you don't ask the same things over and over.

Explain to him WHY you need to know the answers to these questions. Perhaps read Joseph's Letter to him. That's the best explaination I've ever read on my many years here on MB. Maybe he'll understand you have no desire to keep bringing this up and you get no perverse pleasure in details but YOU need to know.

Good luck and keep posting. It DOES get better. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Nerlycrzy

I got confused on if the word former stood for EX husband or that is in NO longer wayward.

Kevin & Her have only know each other for 6 months, they worked together, and he said it didn’t turn into anything until January, when I looked back at old cell phone bills, HE never called her until the end of January. (Sure wish I would have checked before he told me, maybe it wouldn’t have gotten so far.)

He quite that job when I told him that was the ONLY way we could even start talking about working it out. To my knowledge there has been NO contact since 3/11.

I know that was not the right time to ask, it just came out. I am REALLY trying not to get mad when he tells me the truth. NOT so easy.

Her old pack of cigs were in the truck and I asked him when he started using his glove box as trash. He said they weren’t his. I got VERY mad. BUT at the same time, I had to look at it that he did not lie to me. He later told me he knows he can’t lie to me about anything because any lie he knows will make me ‘put my walls back up.’ HATE it when he is right.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Sorry it took so long to post back!


-angi