Good: Last night H and I had a great talk. He has been spending good, quality time with the boys (ages 6,2, and 4 mo) and they are eating it up with a spoon! I presented a theory that I have been tossing around about OW being the only good thing that's happened to him in a few years (nothing has really been going right with job, school, family) and that's why he doesn't want to let her go. He seemed to agree. Guess that's a good sign. Knowing why she is important to him is a HUGE step. H is slowing warming up to the idea that we can actually survive this! He seems to really want to recover from this, but is really unsure how to do it. Especially, how to say goodbye to OW, which I understand will cause him considerable pain and it will be difficult also because they had an EA online and there will be alot of triggers there. But I know that he knows what he has to do and is trying to figure out who to deal with it.
I am eating again. H brought me McDonalds last night and I told him that I would get up and fix myself breakfast this morning (which I did...finally). I'm going to Tae Bo again today and reorganize the boys' room. It's havoc in there, lol. Then, later, I'll work with my graphics program and create something beautiful for him.
Bad: I feel like I am in a competition right now. The prize: my H. And like I told him, I WILL FIGHT. I'm trying really hard to take the high road right now. The truth is, I AM better than she is. She is really NOT compatible with him. She is needy, selfish, and cruel. She had 2 A's in the past year and not only did she lie to her H's face about them, but when she was caught she stood in front of him and told him that she would rather have a friendship with MY H than a marriage with him. My H could never love a woman like that! She wants him because he makes her feel like she is something. She doesn't love him. She feels love for the feeling he gives her, and I truly believe the feeling is mutual. It is a dependcy (as my H told me last night) and no relationship can last where the only link is a "feeling". Feelings are not a foundation. They are a factor. I did not marry my H because I just loved him. I married him because I knew that being with him I would be safe, loved, cared for, and that we would have a wonderful life together as friends, lovers, and soul mates. Wow, this "bad" section slowly morphed into the "good" section. Did I mention I'm an optimist? lol.
Ugly: H is drinking a little more right now. Depression may or may not be getting better. I think he may see more light than before, but it's just a glint. I know that harping him about drinking will only aggrivate the problem, but I do worry about his health. And he doesn't like shrinks so seeing a doc about depression is out of the question too. I don't know what I can do to help him. Do I just wait for him to wake up and start taking care of himself, or is this something that can be cured over the course of executing Plan A?
