Me and DH have been together 10 years married 6 years. A little history. We've been together since I was 15 we moved in when I was 17 he was 20. It was the first time for both of us. We are now coming on 11 years of being together and honestly we still love each other. We have 3 kids. I've noticed something was up a while ago and finally spoke truthfully. He says he's been thinking about other women. Not anyone specifically but just the thought of being w/another woman. The thing is I've been having the same feelings. We both don't know where to go or where to turn. We want to save our marriage but don't want this to turn into a bigger issue than it already is. We both have spoken about the consequences, Again we are both still young and are looking for some advice of where to turn or What to do?
Thank You.

Pudgy... DD4's nickname frm her Aunt! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Anyway...congrats on seeking help before either one of you went too far! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I, too, was 15 when I met H and only 18 when we Md, 20 when our first of three children was born....

What you descirbe is a natural "restless" response that all Ms go through from time to time. What is critical here is what you both do next... you can choose to nourish and re-vitalize your M, or one of you could seek to act on these thoughts and make a collossal mistake that can spiral out of control.

Are either of you Christian? If so, then it is simple... the Bible is very clear on what the expectations of M are and nowhere does it say that it is "ok" to leave a M due to boredom...

First, I suggest that you guys seek MC immediately. Get HN/HN and start reading, I also suggest "The 5 Love Languages" as it is a very good tutorial on what "love" is and why we are often apt to seek out the "in love" feeling over and over again only to be disappointed...it is meant to fade over time! You guys need to evaluate why you feel this way and what you can do to re-align your hearts and minds.

M is hard, it is work, but it is soooo worth it. You guys are blessed with three children, and don't let the pop culture fool you... kids frm intact families fare far better than those frm homes of D. There are so many things in life that are worth work, but your M certainly should be the top of your list!

Good luck!

My you're young. One thing I've discovered is that whether we came from healthy intact families or broken unhappy families growing up, we usually come from different perspectives. What you will find here is someone who's bothered to study A LOT of families to find what makes some marriages fantastic while others are just boring and sad.

You will discover that for two willing spouses, there is so much you can do to make each other happy, that you won't need to look anywhere else. It makes perfect sense when you read it. Your marriage is not over. It may just be beginning to be better than ever.

MzPudgy, most everyone in every marriage has occasional thoughts about other people. That is pretty normal. What is wrong is acting on those feelings. Those feelings won't be a problem if don't let them be. Letting your wrongheaded feelings control your life would be disasterous, as you probably realize.

In the meantime, you could probably do some things to add some zest back into your marriage, such as learning to meet each othters' needs. This might help you focus back on each other. I second the suggestion that you get His Needs/Her Needs.