ive been married for 7 yrs now. with one kid. i was the onw who introduced online chat to my hubby about 3 yrs ago. at first i spend all my time in the net, but then i grew tired of it. but when my hubby catched on. he stayed on he net from d moment he wakes up till wee hours n d morning. it went on like this 4 2 yrs now. he doesnt have a regular job. hes a freelance broker so he does his business at home. in d course of 3 yrs in chatting we already met a lot of frends, we usually hang out in our place. and the frends we met had been a part of my family.
i often see my hubby flirting with gurls, at first it didnt bother me, but then she met this gurl. shes married with 3 kids and lives abroad. she offred my husband a job. my hubby was very eager to get a real job so he agreed to go to hongkong. what i didnt know is that my hubby started flirting with her (his reason is that he wanted to get d job very badly), then when he finally went there, my worst fear happend. after 4 days in hongkong, they started having sex. and day five and day 6....on day 7 we found out that there was never really a job waiting for my husband. it was all a scam. and the worst thing is that d gurl told me herself that something happened between them. it was all a set up.
i believe that my hubby didnt know about d job, he was a victim too. d gurl definitely cracked up. it turns out that the same thing happened to her current hubby.
now that my husband returnd fr hongkong, (he was there for only a week).
im so devastated, my husband is a good man, i understand his reasons for risking going to HK just to get a job for our family. but i know thats doesnt justify what he did.
now he says he wants to start over, pls help me, i dont know what to do.... should i give him another chance???

another thing he also admitted to flirting with other gurls on the net, i made him confess to every infidelity he had n d course of our marriage.

pls help me!!!!

right mow my hubby is in the province, i already talled him that if he's ready to compromise and be totally honest with me well give our marriage another try. but still he's with his friends, i dont know what he does there. i dont know if hes scared to face me, or the situation. my child misses him soo much. i dont see any effort coming from him. all i know is that hes still with his friends who by the way has the same principles as his, mainly that its forgiveable if a guy commints infidelity. he's probably out everynight with friends drinking....i dont know...

last time we talked he wants to blame me for the break up of this marriage, coz he says it'll be my fault if i dont give him another chance. then i set the ground rules, i told him no more chatting, no more drinking our with friends. and he agreed. but still he hasnt come home to worked things out. probably he still wants time with his friends, or whatever..

right now im planning to work again to support my kid, im focusing on that now. but still i cant help but mourn about what happend to us.

pls help!!!!!! should i give it another try????

You need to get some structured counseling. Also reading the books: Surviving an Affair and His Needs/Her Needs are both by Dr. W. Harley. Dr. James Dobson also has a book called: Love must be tough. All 3 are great for helping the BS get a plan.

As for the counseling, see if you can do some phone counseling with Steve H @ MB.

Your Xws needs to make you feel safe, if he doesn't then he isn't ready to be part of the family.

L.

its me again. ive decided to get our marriage another try. i gave my husband ground rules, which he agreed to do. its been a week since he came back and were doing ok. we said our sorrys, and compromise. the other night few of our friends came by. my husband was drunk and slept at 3am. 6am i woke him up coz he had an overseas call from his client. he started freaking out. he kicked the electric fan and cussed me. i was shocked coz i didnt do anything, i just woke him up. he hit me with a pillow at held my neck and pushed me to d bed. while continuing to cuss me. i was crying and cussing him back. then he stopped. he look suprised to see me crying. he asked me what happend. aparrently he didnt know what he was doing. he has no memory of the last part of the evening and what he did to me that morning. he was so suprised of what he did.
last night we talked. he confessed that he's very depressed. becoz of what happened in hongkong. (story in my previous post). and because he's still jobless and everything thats been happening to us. he confessed also that hes not praying anymore (we're Christians) because he feel that the Lord neglected us. and that instead of running towards God he's going the other way. he asked me to help him. at least he recognizes his faults and he wants to change. but i dont know if i can still bear this.
in a span of a month he committed the worst sin a man can do to his wife, commit adultery and hurt his wife. i understand he's lost and he needs my help to recover, but can i just accept what he did to me. im still getting over the adultery part, now this.
pls help me........plsssss....

As I stated earlier, your H needs help. His uncontrolled burst of anger is not making you feel safe. He needs to curb his drinking and reclaim his self control. A or no A, he has other issues as a result of his former conduct.

If $$ is a problem, he can seek help from a trusted friend, pastor, doctor or someone in addition to your support. In fact it probably is better if you are not the one directing him right now.

Get the recommended books from the library if you can't afford them. Read, read read....

L.