Well I have found myself back here again. This time though I am no longer in denial about certain events though. Here is my story (short). About 10 months ago my wife started acting different around me. At this time she was also riding to and from work with another man. She was also getting very close to another man at work (telling him everything about me that was wrong). About 4 months after all of this started she left me telling me that I had done all of these terrible things to her and that she never wanted to see me again. I should also tell you that she said that she wanted her freedom and that she had never been happy with me. A few weeks later I ended up in the mental hospital for severe depression after I ran across some of her love letters. After I got out of the hospital I found out that she had put a restraining order out against me. From my end that was the end of contact for a good long while. Fast forward to the seventh of this month. She called me at work that morning and asked if we could get together and talk. I being a nice kind person said yes. That evening we got together and talked for hours about all that had been going on in our lives. By the end of the night we had agreed that we need to think about stopping the divorce. We both thought about it and this week finally started the papers to end the divorce proceedings. She has spent all week with me at my grandparents house. My grandparents are getting back today so last night I was cleaning up after our week together and I found her wallet. I looked inside and found a list of mens names and a few dates. I brought the list to her and asked her what it was all about. She explained that she had been to bed with the second EA and ran into another guy that she did not know and went to bed with him too. She told me that she was hoping that doing this would help her get over me. She admitted that it did not work and that she regrets doing this to me. I told her that I still want to work things out and that If I had gotten the chance to go to bed with another woman I would have taken it too. Here is what I want to know- How do I recover from this? I love this woman deeply but I don't know how I am going to ever get past this series of events. Can I really beleive her when she tells me that she wants me not them? How can I tell if she is lying? I am sorry for the long post but I just found out the truth and I am so hurt,angry and confused I just need a litle help to get over this and get on with our marriage. Thanks for reading I look forward to your ideas. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I'd like to suggest that you and your W get into counseling with a pro-marriage professional like Jennifer Harley Chalmers or her brother Steve Harley from the Marriage Builders counseling service. If cost is an issue then you may want to consider The Marriage Builders Home Study Courses Your recoveries can greatly be helped if BOTH of you are on the same page and follow a plan based on the Marriage Builder principles embodied in Dr Willard Harley's books 'Surviving An Affair', 'Love Busters' and 'His Needs, Her Needs'. Calmly, quietly, and respectfully suggest this to your W.

TMCM

A quick update: She has come out of the fog (somewhat) and wants to work things out. She also wants to get the help we need hopefully this will help. Thanks to all that replied to me over the months that I have been posting here. TMCM, you were right about her PA I guess that I was in my own self induced fog of denial. I am not sure if I will be bringing her here or not though. She is one of those types that does not trust anything on the net. Maybe she will visit and be in the right frame of mind and maybe she will see what really happens here. I just hope she can get over her idea of how marriage works. She seems to think that there is a perfect man out there that she will not have to work with at all to be happy. In the real world however you HAVE to work at it there are no exceptions to this. Finally the real world seems to have caught up with her I hope she stays with it. Thanks again all, John <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />