First a little background. this is both hubby and my 2nd marriage.. he has 1 DD that lives with her mom , we have 1 dd, and i have 3 outher kids. we have been together for 8 1/2 yrs but married for 5. Alot of that time he has been overseas or on deployments.
what i neeed advice on is about a batchelor party. hubbys friend calls and tells him he is getting married. we onyl have until the beggining of june to be together, and then hubby has to go to japan unaccompioned for the next almost 3 yrs. but hubby decides to fly to washington state for his friends wedding (we live in florida). he tells me he is going to go for 3 days... later his friend decides they are going to have a bathcelor party. so now hubby wants to go down earlier, 8 days. after asking about it numerous times and getting no response, i saw an email from his friend stating about the batchelor party" depends on how bad we want to be", several weeks later ( just the other day) i see an email that hubby has forwarded to his work to answer from his friend. this one has names and numbers and descriiptions of several exotic dancer clubs, and refrences about wich ones are better. now hubby knows how i feel about exotic dancer clubs, i don't like them.And he has never gone to one in the whole time we have been together, but has before we got together. so i wait til he gets home and ask him about what he is going to do, he tells me they havent decided yet. i asked what they thought they would do, and he said he doesnt know yet, becuase he doesnt know which bars are down where his friend lives, so i ask him why he is lying, that i saw the email about it.
so now he is telling me that there is nothing wrong with men going to exotic dancer clubs, and i am just being childish. so i ask him if he doesnt care about my feelings, and he pretty much told me that yes, becuase it was more important to go with his friend. I also don't trust his friend ,. i have known him since school, and know how he is, he has always been a player. I also know that my husband acts differently when he is with his friends and when he is drinking.
so my question is am i just being childish and immuture about feeling disprespected about him going to the exotic dance bar with his buddies?
sorry this is so long, i guess im just not knowing who to talk to about this and it has really hurt me.
thanks for listening and i look forward to any replies.
petesnavywife

First off, welcome to this site. Unfortunately, you’ve posted in an area that doesn’t receive a lot of traffic. It may be best to post this on the “General Questions” forum.

“””And he has never gone to one in the whole time we have been together”””

I’m curious, how do you know that?

Now let’s look at what else is going on. As I see it, your husband deliberately attempted to deceive you, intentionally tried to cover his tracks by lying, when caught he tries to manipulate the situation by diverting the attention to the validity of your feelings, thoughts, & beliefs. Does that pretty much sum it up? Ohhhhh wait, I almost forgot, he’s also wanting to take valuable family time away, before a long deployment, to carry out his lies and deception… OK so now, does that about sum it up?

“””so my question is am i just being childish and immature about feeling disrespected about him going to the exotic dance bar with his buddies?”””

First off, NO, your feeling are very valid, after all they are your feelings. And if you view lying, deceiving, and manipulation as “disrespectful” then yes definitely should feel that way. Provided that he’s a “respectable” man under normal circumstances, than that he went to these lengths to compromise his values should tell you that he KNOWS that what he is doing is wrong.

So the question becomes what do you do about it? What are your thoughts?