I found out a few hours ago that my 25 yo niece tried to kill herself with an OD of sleeping pills.

She is the oldest daughter of my older sister who lives in NYC. Amanda, my niece is a grad student at UOM in Ann Arbor MI.

She is a very beautiful, very high achiever, and popular straight A student.

They released her this morning saying they did not feel she was a threat to herself any longer. And Amanda insisted she had to take a final at the U, so I suspect this alleviated their concerns of another suicide attempt. I don't know.

My sister said that she thought a lot of attention from the family and friends would be a mistake. I want to call her or write, or something.

What do you think I could do to help. Amanda apparently is unable or unwilling to say why she wanted to die. And my sister thinks any undue attention will cause her more anxiety. She did agree to do whatever the Psych she is scheduled to see tomorrow suggests.

Well I want to call her or drive down there or something.

Do you think a letter or visit from me would be okay? My sister is inconsolable, almost incoherent. She feels this is all her fault for pushing Amanda, and because my sister is such a hich achiever that Amanda felt she must also be.

Any thoughts would be very much appreciated.

Coming after Bob's thread and my reaction of anger, this is all too strange. The wierd thing is that Amanda has this cat who she loves at her apartment and my sister said that in the hospital, all she kept asking about was her cat. Is this enough to make someone want to live? I keep thinking thank God for Harley, her cat, if that is what pulled her through this.

I have to get my DD to bed but will check in the morning for any of your thoughts on if I should go down there or call Amanda. I don't want to be pushy since my sis thought nothing would be best.

Thank you,

weaver

Hi weaver,

I'm sorry to hear about this trouble. I'm wondering why your sister is making the decisions on whether cards or contact are "too much attention" instead of your niece or her doctor making that decision.

If your sister is inconsolable, maybe she wants the attention? I hope I didn't offend you with that question--my FWH would not support counseling, etc but boy did he tell the story to those who would give HIM the attention.

This is just my opinion, and I would try to find out her dr's recommendation first, but I think a card or letter telling her that you heard of her attempt and that you care about her life is not "too much" attention.

There is something else that I want to mention but I can't say it in this public forum. If you give out your email address, I could email it to you. I don't give out my email address on board.

weaver, I am so very sorry. I don't know much about this subject, but I do wonder if her wishes shouldn't be respected. She is very lucky to have you for a aunt, weaver.

LB,

This is my email addy. Can you let me know when you have it so I can delete it right away.

I am very much interested in your thoughts.


Thank you

got it

Weaver - I'm so sorry. I think a call or card would be appropriate just to let her know you're thinking of her, particularly if you've been close in the past. I've always felt that a suicide attempt was a cry for attention...maybe she needs to know people ARE concerned about her.

Weaver,

Sorry to hear your niece is having such a difficult time.

LovingBoundaries makes a good point. Twenty-five is old enough that her mother (your sis) shouldn't be managing daughter's relationship with you. Perhaps your niece would find comfort in knowing she has a safe, familiar ear and place to turn that isn't Mom...

A card would be very nice. I think a phonecall followed up by a letter or card would be nicer. The first offers your niece immediate solidarity, the latter is tangible and lasting.

My prayers for you all, and I am so glad your niece is still with the world!

Sally

Sympathy & prayers... you've been a true friend though I hardly know you. -Notso

Sorry to hear that ... make sure she knows that she could call 1-800-Suicide anywhere in USA. Check this link for your info. You could call also to get educated. You could email me if you want to. I am a phone conselor in my county.

-rh-

Weaver,

I wanted to say I understand. Ex shot himself in front of the ow and it still sucks.

It's good that your niece has people around her that are taking this seriously. And I vote to reach out to her. Feeling suicidal can be a very isolating condition.

Hugs...it is very stressful to have someone you love attempt suicide.

Oh and just an FYI an expert in preventing suicide here calls attempts by those who seemingly have it all suffer from exceptionality. They feel they have to be exceptional at everything and obviously can't do that and feel hopeless. I started teaching my children that it is okay to be normal and average after he told me that.

Tig

Weaver

Go see her and say that you've been shocked into realising how sad life would be without her in it and would she like to see a movie.

Failed suicide folks can feel stupid and embarassed as well as frightened. I know I was.

My best mate came to see me, put his arm around me and said what I just told you. It was touching and the right thing to say.

No-one but your neice knows the reasons behind her attempt, but if her parents were pushy, they need to stop.

All blessings to your neice, you and all affected, Weaver.

Thank you everyone.

I am going to write her a letter today, and will talk more with my sister after my niece sees the Dr. today. Hopefully she will open up with him and he can advise what the rest of us should do.

She took the sleeping pills but then called the poisen control center herself because she didn't want to hurt her mom and sister apparently.

It was still a very close call at the hospital for awhile I guess.

And she does suffer from having to be exceptional at everything. We all thought it was effortless for her, but I guess it isn't.

Her dad pretty much abandoned her when she was little, so maybe she has some issues there, although she would never let on it bothered her.

Bob, my sister is afraid she will feel embarrassed and humiliated.

Hoping this is a blessing in disguise in that whatever is wrong can be addressed and overcome.

Thank you for the link Redhat.

Thank you so much everyone, for your concern.

My dear Weaver,

{{{hugs to you and your family}}}. Sometimes parents lose their perspective when their children's lives hang in the balance as such. Let your sister know you care and how much you can help. Just knowing she and her family can call you at any time is comforting. It isn't just about your neice though she is of primary concern right now.

As for your neice being embaressed, let her know that many suffer from despair, desparation or other symptoms like what she is dealing with. She is not alone in this situation and help is available. It can make her stronger if she allows herself to learn a valuable lesson from this crisis.

take care,
L.

Thank you Orchid.

Yes, I am worried about all of them. My sis hasn't slept since Sat. and sounds like she is having some type of nervous breakdown herself. She just keeps saying she didn't see this coming, had no clue and that a mother should know when their child is this unhappy.

A wake up call for my sister, for sure. She needs to slow down in her own career, perhaps even move back to MI and concentrate on her family. She didn't even call me until last night.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Weaver,
I am so glad that your niece was unsuccessful in her suicide attempt. An Aunt that is supportive and thoughtful may be exactly what she needs right now, it may be too overwhelming for your sister to handle alone. They both need you unconditional love and support. I would send them both a little something like a gallon of Haagan Das Ice Cream with a note saying "Know that you are loved and we will get through this together. Thats what family is for."
Then follow up with a visit and bring 2 spoons.

As far as the embarassement and humiliation, I think everyone here on this board knows about that. Hiding the event won't make it go away or hurt less, sharing the burden will.

BTW I'd also send "Harley" a can of tuna and a catnip toy. I'm not surprised she asked for the cat. Pets give us unconditional love.

My prayers are with you

Well thank god she's alright. I don't know what to tell you about contacting your neice, but I do think you should visit your sister at this time. I attemped suicide as a teenager. School and family problems. I didn't get attention from outside the imeadtiate family. Thinking back I don't know if that would have been a good thing or not. Your neice may be embarrassed about what she did.

My 12 year old daughter recently threatened suicide. They don't think she is a real threat, but family counseling will start soon. She is very defensive about talking about it. She did open up to the counselor during her private interview though. Would she want her aunt asking her questions? I don't think so, but maybe thats a topic for counseling.

I've heard some interesting things too. People may attempt suicide as a cry for help. Deep down they don't want to end it, but sometimes they are too successful in their cry for help. Worrying about her cat makes me think she intended to live. If she was really set on ending it people start putting things in order. A loved pet would not be forgotten about.

She is deeply troubled none the less.

So to sum it up - visit your sister. Have a counselor feel out how receptive she would be to extended family talking to your neice.

Thank you Mark.

How awful that your DD is having problems at such a young age, but thank God she (and all of you) is getting help.

I will head down and spend some time with my sister as soon as I can. I have another sister who says she is heading down there today.

Thanks again.

Weaver,

I'm sorry to hear about this.

My thoughts on it are that right now, she needs, as somebody already said unconditional love. While she doesn't need a lot of questions asked - she may very well need just a contact from you - just to say that you love her and are thinking of her and would love to talk anytime she wants, day or night.

I wouldn't say "sorry to hear you tried to kill yourself", but more like "I heard you were in the hospital. I'm glad you're OK. I've always thought you are a lot of fun. I miss you. Lets get together sometime. Call me any time." That sort of thing.

My W is only a year older than this girl - and I know that her Mom is the last person in the world she should talk to when she is feeling down. W has been suicidal in the past, and the #1 reason is always her Mom - whom she can never be good enough to please.

I agree that sometimes parents are not the right people to talk to - that an outside person - an aunt, can be more relaxed and accepting than a parent. You are not dissapointed in her nor do you expect anything from her. Your future is not tied up with hers. You are not judged by her achievments etc. Sometimes the parent's identity is so wrapped up in their child that the child doesn't have any stability (even as adult children). If the child (adult or not) moves, the parent moves too.

But ... I don't know what the "experts" say.

-AD

AD has the advice part down right, I second it.
Everyone needs to know they are loved, and valueable.



Weaver, is it time?

How is Paige?

She still use a timer?

Has the counseling started yet?

I have lots more questions, but you know them, and I think you can do the rest on your own.

SS

SS -

I wasn't ignoring your post, just didn't know if I wanted to give an update on my life yet.

Here goes SS -

Is it time? No, not yet. Couldn't move on if I wanted to as my heart would not be in it. I couldn't even date, after going through the grueling requirments to join eHarmony and taking the four hour test involved. More to this story but I am not ready to share it in it's entirety until I make a decision and I won't make a decision until after our trip to Cancun in June.

Paige is doing great. I have been working with her on her homework very closely. I should have been doing this all along but did not realize the importance of parents help with homework. No one ever helped me with my homework and I thought wanting to make good grades was an internal thing, but not in Paige's case.

Yes, she still has her timer, but is now with her dad for the weekend so I can stay on the computer night and day if I like! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm doing great SS. I don't normally feel unhappiness at all, unless Paige is gone and then I miss her terribly. She used to tell me she always wanted to live with me, forever and ever. Now I'm the one who doesn't know how I will ever possibly let her go. I hope there is a guest room for mom in her college dorm! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I had to change the title of this thread, as I couldn't bare to read it tonight.

My niece seems to be doing okay. Her mom had to fly back to NYC to see some clients and I am waiting for another update from her.

LB, if you are reading - you helped me immensely with your insight. I can't thank you enough. I shared some of what you told me with an Aunt who went down to my sisters to offer support.