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#1362629 04/25/05 08:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 8
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2BeFree Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 8
Hey all!
Well it has been 3 1/2 weeks since my H has left. But tonight as we talked on the phone about visitaion, he began to blame me. I don't know how much of this I can take. Although he was the one that hit me, he blames me for ruining his name in this town, for him spending a night a in jail, and says this is all my fault.
Then at the same time, I am having feelings that I need to be loved. Thoughts like who would ever love me - I know probably pretty stupid thoughts right about now. The last thing I need is a relationship, but I guess I just want to know that I won't be alone forever.
Thanks

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
2BeFree, Don't fall for this ploy. Your spouse's attempt to blame you for HIS actions is typical of abusers. "She made me do it," is what they say in so many words. If you let him feed you with this evil brainwashing, you'll start to blame yourself.

Unfortunately, your urgent need to feel loved is also typical. Typical of the newly separated, the spouse whose love bank is empty, and/or someone who is insecure. Amazingly enough, people who have been victims of abuse often feel insecure.

If you can, acknowledge your feelings and become your own best love.


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
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You know, after 10 years, my x still blames me. I am the target and the trigger of all of his anger. And guess who's problem that is. It's his problem. See, each of us is, ultimately, the only person responsible for our actions. So, if your h spent the night in jail, he probably was there because there was something inappropriate about his actions. If his name/reputation has been damaged, it's probably not because he was doing what he was supposed to be doing.

As for your own feelings, that's typical. I bet there isn't a person on this board who hasn't had that feeling and had it often.


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