Hi everyone, I found out about my husbands affair about 8 months ago. To make a long story short...during those months my husband did everything that a ws would do. I finally had enough and in February packed up me and my son and moved back to my home state 6 hrs away. I have three children and have been married for 18 yrs. My two teenage daughters didn't want to go so they stayed here with ws. He brought the ow into my house and my bed. But continued to tell me he missed me and still loved me. I packed up my stuff and came home on april 1st. Two days before I came home I had talked with my husband about what he would do if I came home...he said he didn't know he said he still loved me and always would and he said he missed me. Well call me the biggest april fool...because before I got here he packed his things and moved in with the other woman. and two days after I got here he was here sleeping with me. But when I told him that if he thought he was going to come over and sleep with me anytime he wanted to and then go back to her he was crazy. This made him angry. He said that he would continue to make the house payment until I started sleeping with someone else then he would quit making the payment. I told him he had two choices I was done playing games...I told him he could get his stuff and come home to work on his marriage or he could stay where he is. Needless to say he is still with her. I filed for a divorce thinking this would wake him up...but it didn't. Now all he does is call and scream at me. My question is...is all lost? The divorce gets filed in court today. Thanks for any suggestions.

sweets...
the great news is that you have moved back home ...all the children are together...
and you stand as the ONE and ONLY person to be an ADULT to thoses children that need right now desperately atleast one parent not living in chaos.....

there is plenty of hope that this can be worked...

have you read up about the concepts here....

also how much contact do you two have
what type of interactions
what is the tone of you talks....

how often is he seeing the children..

you need to protect them from exposure to the OW...sick sick sick is an OP that moves in with a WS who has teenage daughters ....
little good can be said about her...
yet little good comes from wasting time and energy on that part of the equasion...

what are his "reasons" for the affair...not that you are responsible....

you to need to act from this moment on that parents are not replacable..
bad is his affair.
bad is it for you to take his son away from him...

be the grown up...
what questions do you have about plan A...
have you ordered/read...his needs her needs...surviving an Affair...etx..

ARK

We haven't actually spoken in about a week...he instantly starts yelling at me. I can't take that anymore. Besides I think she has him on a tight leash because I told her that he was here and slept with me...but of course she didn't believe me. He takes the kids about once a week but my son and my 16 year old daughter do not want to be around her so there is a problem sometimes...My 15 yr old daughter was being very nasty towards me which I expected because I think that she is angry at me for leaving in the first place. She said she would rather live with the ow and her dad so I called him and told him to pick her up...needless to say the next day she was at her grandmothers then back here the following day. As for why it happened he used every excuse that a ws uses. Mainly he says I wasn't paying enough attention to him. I worked fulltime, did all the household stuff and I dealt with the children. He works a very physical job so I tried to have everything done so that he could relax. Alot of good it did me! Boy did he relax! Now I have filed for a divorce and we are probably going to lose the house. Everything is a mess! So there you have it...thanks for your time I really appreciate it!

sweets
do you want to divorce..


ark^^

No I don't...I thought this would wake him up! I am supposed to be going for coffee with him today...I messaged him asking him for one last time together...don't know what to do or say. Don't know what he'll do or say. I just feel so lost! I have tried everything. Any thoughts on the meeting?

Had the meeting...would someone please tell me why we always end up sleeping together when we see each other? does this mean something? And why can't he see that if he still sleeps with me that he doesn't really feel the way he thinks he feels about the other woman? I am so confused!!! What should I do?

***And why can't he see that if he still sleeps with me that he doesn't really feel the way he thinks he feels about the other woman?***

sweets, sweets, sweets . . . Love has NOTHING whatsoever to do with this situation.

Your WH is not having sex with this woman because he "loves" her. He is not confused, either, and don't listen to him if he says he is ("oh, I just can't choose between you!") <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Your WH is indulging in the fantasy of having two women to scr*w. That's all. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's what he's doing. Love has nothing at all to do with any of it.

***I am so confused!!! What should I do?***

Read the articles at this site (not just the message boards,) and then ask for help in setting up a Plan.

***...would someone please tell me why we always end up sleeping together when we see each other? does this mean something? ***

Yes. For you, it means you still love him and want to keep your bond with him. For him, it means indulging in the fantasy of having two women to scr*w. Do you want to be part of a threesome? You are, you know. At the very least, you should require him to wear a condom if you are still going to have sex with him knowing full well he is still having sex with another woman.

Keep reading. Don't let him snow you. This is not about love. This is about him and his selfish fantasy. You have to decide if you want to be part of his fantasy threesome or not.
Mulan

sweets
read what I just posted to bullwinkle...you and her near the same point of chaos

please apologize to your daughter for sending her into a den with a strange psychotic OP...and sorry but any any OP that would flaunt their infidelity in front of a fifteen year old GIRL turns my stomach, is disgusting...and tells you all you ever need to know about her concern and morals for others...

heal your children and do not make one more move that adds to their chaos ever ever ever

ARK^^

Sweets,

Mulan and Ark are very wise MBers that have been here a long time. Listen to them. (Ark, why does your member date say 05?)

Why in the world does he YELL at you. Because you are standing up and defending yourself and children? How dare he yell at you. Because you are divorcing him and he will lose his house and other toys? HOW ABOUT HIS FAMILY???

The boy is doing her and you. HE IS A STUD...A MAN!!
Still a selfish little boy. Treat him as such!

k