I'm going to try to make this short as possible <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My "husband" of 6 years (4 kids, 3 of his) has possibly "online cheated" on me.
I always trusted him playing online ( card games etc..)
and I just let him be, kwim?!
I have jokingly accused him of having online girlfriends etc.. but it was only a little joke.
He spends a lot a time on the computer, never has sex when I want it, I just figured he is losing his libido for unknown reasons, kwim?! I didn't blame myself for our lack of sex etc.. he isn't really a sexual person.
BUT, I noticed he added some "ladies" (term used lightly) to yahoo messenger, it was only 2 girls, so I started to log chats that he has had! (I will post the msg after this post)
I forgot I did it BUT while looking through some documents I noticed 4 im's logged, of course I read them LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Anyhow I called him on it, he said he was playing these women (there's like 4 different ones LMAO, they all emailed him to "break up" with him Jesus, I laughed so hard, these women are 40 odd yrs old (I'm 26, he is 34) he told me he felt bad for the one because she always felt bad for herself etc.. ( SO DO I, BTW.. A LOT TOO, he knows this also)
He has never hid his email passwords etc..

Anyhow, I told one of his "main gals" to give me her number, she did, I called long distance to the US and talked with her, she told me that he makes sexual comments to her, he "loves" her etc.. I couldn't believe it, this is my non sexual man she's yapping about <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I couldn't help but laugh!
On his game team he is dubbed "the flirt" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> the [censored] doesn't even flirt with me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
I locked him out after work yesterday, first time ever.
He staying in the yard for 2 hours before I broke down and pitied his [censored]!
He hasn't admitted he's wrong, he's actually trying to turn this this crap on me????? never even said sorry for this cack.
What would you guys do? please help me deal with this?!


Anyone take a look at the message below, is that/this situation cheating ???

Thanks!!!!!

hi
there was a time when i would of been very ignorant and said no it was not... but I have gotten a great deal smarter!!! yes it is cheating.... and be very careful and watch very closely.... My H also like to play online games and it never really bothered me until he became so interested in them that he forgot about talking to me,making love to me, laughing with me etc.. even eatingor chores.. he would come home and knock us all down to get to the computer... that is when I became a computer geek LOL.
these so call women that he was JUST TALKING to turnd in to a nightmare for me... that lasted one year!!!!!! he stoped using the PC at home but continued at work where i coundnt see and he thought that I thought he stopped. wrong!!!!!
this one card game turned in to an online affair... although he would deny it, only talking he would say.....but i read the emails.... i watched them online.... it was more alot more.... and just when you think it is over NC bam.....
so be very careful...be on our guard.... and become a spy!!! and be ready to hear alot of denying...and anger words cause of HIS quilt... i hope for your sake it is JUST PLAYING GAMES... cause to me it was a knife in my heart!!!
good luck

I am new here and just posted for the first time on another topic but I thought I would add my 2cents here. My husband started doing the same thing. Running for the computer as soon as he came home from work. Many times staying on it almost all night. At first I didn't want to be a pushy wife and not allow him some private time but it became obvious what was going on. He would minimize the screen whenever I entered the room and other signs. I only use my cell phone for emergency and didn't know about text messages. I later learned that he was sending messages to the other women on the computer to her phone. Perfect way to communicate because you don't have to worry about someone over hearing your conversation. So I would suggest that you keep an eye out for his computer activity and yes I do think of it as cheating.

if its not cheating then its right on edge of the cliff ... I think that any relationship that takes the spouse away emtionally or physically from the other spouse IS cheating.
He may not be there yet but hes darn ready to jump!!

Start plan A right now ..you can read about that above in the forum, see Bobs & worthatry posts ... very very helpful.

See plan A is about meeting his needs and changing your habits and in the process KILLING the A.... but it is also just good relationship repair and maintenance as well.

Do the his needs her needs questionnaire, do his if hes not reseptive right now see how close you can get to what his needs are.

Your H sounds like a closet flirt - not unusal for someone who wants to be told they are need,loved etc etc, they just dont like admitting they do, its not manly blah blah - so flirt with him gently, to start, little things like that,

dont expect miracles right away, he may even turn his nose up so to speak but keep hacking away - pun intended - on the online use, spoil him a bit, but do not hesitate to say in a even voice and not using the YOU word to start of that when his actions hurt you say so..like - I feel hurt when you hide your emails & IM from me etc etc , no accusations.

but read what bob & worthatry say & refer you to, you'll see the method and why it works.

START now too so you can nip this in the bud.

It sounds like your trying to recondition a dog from a bad habit. And why are you blaming the "so called women" for your nightmare? There's a problem if he prefers to be online talking to other women then with you. Start there, figure out why and then try to resolve the issue.