Hi Guys!

I hope you are doing well! True, Rocked, Dog, others, can I get an update on all of you?

We should all be approaching our 6 months since D-day. I haven't forgotten about any of you and how helpful you all were. I thought I'd give you a quick update.

My husband has been consistant in his behavior since D-day. He continues with counseling, 2 men's groups and he went on a men's retreat a few weekends ago. He is reading his Christian books, talking with his accountability partners and praying with me daily. Just as important, he has SIGNIFICANTLY cut his working hours. He rarely works overtime anymore when it used to be a 2 to 3 times a week thing (so he said. It was probably a little of both). He even took off work to take us to Disneyland one day. NEVER did that stuff before.

Despite all his improvements, I was in the gutter for most of the last 2 months. I was depressed and feeling hopeless. Then one day....it just ended. Now it hasn't been too long...only about 2 1/2 weeks of feeling good, but that is a record for me since D-day. So I'm hopeful that I've reached a turning point.

I'm still in counseling (and we do couples counseling too), I'm in my bible study and have my support network. It has all been very helpful. I also started a pretty rigerous work-out program that has allowed me to pour my frustration into that, productively.

Unfortunately, the OW continues to work for my husband. Phone and e-mail records that I check occassionaly continue to reveal little to no contact except occassionally for work purposes. I have not seen her since Feb.

I continue to pray that she will leave. My husband has agreed to use a head-hunter to see if there is other opportunties for him outside that company since 6 months later she is still there. Rumors continue to fly that she is looking to leave, but she is still there. So he is keeping his options open. Despite the fact that they work together, I don't obsess aboutit anymore. It really doesn't bother me much anymore. I believe his is totally through with her and that life altogether.

Anyway, I'd love to hear how you guys are doing. Please post when you get a chance!
2

2,
I am so glad that you are doing well...and that your H continues to show his committment to your marriage.
My H is still being the model H, and we are progressing slowly. We have had ups and downs, and continue to ride the rollercoaster every day.
Luckily, we have had no contact with the OW. I did blog about her on my own little website. I guess it was my way to let the world know the kind of person she was/is...and I am trying very hard to move on after that. It seems to work most days! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
I hope the others check in. I have also wondered about them.
Well, take care, and thanks for the update!

True

Hey True & 2,
Rocked here. Glad to hear things with you both are on a more stable path. Same with me. I have missed contact with you all and think almost daily of the friendships we've formed. Thanks for all the help you have been to me. Is contact going to rekindle here or do we just check in every couple of months? Take care!!

Hey everyone! Thanks for checking in. I heard from Holiday and she is doing well too. I'm glad we all made it through and that we are all surviving this hardship.

I'm curious what you've all learned from this experience. I believe everything happens for a reason...even this and I have wanted to learn from this as much as possible. This way I can see a positive in all the negative of what has happened.

For me I've learned 1) that NOTHING in life is guarenteed expect GOD. 2) That trying to live like Christ is HARD. Forgiving this offense has been the most difficult thing of my life! 3) That God is a great redeemer and has blessed us. I've met many people whose spouses left them for the other person. Their spouses did not repent or return to God. The fact that ours did is a HUGE blessing. Our children won't know divorce or the trauma of a broken home.
4) True love is enduring hardships like these and staying together anyway, for the right reasons, not just for the sake of the kids.

I've grown a lot in my walk with the Lord through this. I have developed more Christ like character than I ever wanted to (I mean it. This has been so hard!). God has a purpose for me and my family to accomplish great things as a result of this.

Please let me know what you've learned as well. Good hearing from all of you.
2

2,
Good question...what have I learned. I have definitely learned not to be so trusting. That sounds sad, but I think that you shouldn't trust anyone so much.
Also, I have learned to trust my instincts a little more. I have always doubted myself, but now I see that I should stand up for what I am thinking...even if it is wrong. I should ask, seek out, and never give up on the truth.
I also have learned that I am a much different person that I thought I was. There is both positive and negatives in that. I have seen that I am as loyal as I thought, but that I am not quite as strong and independent. I have seen that I am capable of dealing with a lot of pain, and I always thought I was a big whimp <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />!
There are many other things that I have figured out..but this is already getting long.
I think most importantly I have recently come to realize that forgiveness is not one big thing...it is something you do everyday...when a new sitch comes up, you either forgive or you don't. I knew that, but have been expereincing it lately.
Anyway, those are just a few things that I have learned. Tell Holiday to write us when she can. I told DogMom you all said hi..she is doing well, herself.

Keep getting better!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

True,
It sounds like you have really grown due to your experiences. 2 as well. I think I have although there's a long way still to go. Thanks for sharing.

Hey All,
Hope you all had a good weekend. I wasn't sure if we were going to keep this thread up. I haven't read themessage boards as much as I used to..but I had some other questions to post today, so here I am. I have missed our "chats", and hope that you will all check in at least once in a while.
Oh, Rocked, Happy Belated birthday...hope it was well.
Have a super day...and keep going strong.

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Way to go True. Now everyone knows I'm one step closer to being an "old geezer!" You gonna email me and apologize?

Sorry to blab about your b-day. I DO hope it was well.
Please accept my public apology..that is even better, is it not:)!
Have a great day!

True

You're funny! Yes, the BD went well. Went indoor skydiving. Was very cool. How are your kids? You? Your bead collection?

Rocked,
Family is great..kids are kids(can learn a lot from their attitudes towards life). As I said before, I am doing well. Days are probably about where they should be.
My H went real skydiving once..he has been trying to get me to go FOREVER. I tell him that I will never throw myself from a plane <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
2,
Where did you go? And what has happened to Holiday? I was looking forward to hearing from her as well.

Well, you may have read my other post..I was asking for advice on how to deal with our anniversary next month. I am not looking forward to that. Last year we were in Ireland...and now I look back at that trip and get soooo sad. I know that this year, I will be thinking, HOW in the *ell could he break his vows to me? So, if you guys have any suggestions...please feel free to let me know!
Have a fun day!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Have you considered for your DDay anniv to go skydiving with your H? And depending on how you were feeling at the time you could volunteer to tighten (wink!) his parachute strap just before jumping out of the plane.

Actually, to some degree all of us since our DDays have been in some kind of free fall. The key is learning to trust the parachute to keep us from hitting the end destination at 120 MPH.

True, I sense in you what I feel in me. Wanting to move on to full health yet able to too easily remember our spouses A. You're improving. Keep trusting the parachute.

Rocked,
My anniversary was my WEDDING anniversary. Every d-day anniversary is tough...but this one will be REALLY hard one me. I do not know if you have celebrated a marriage anniversary yet...but I am dreading it.:(
Anyway, I no longer trust any sort of parachute..good metaphor, BTW. I will elaborate on it. In my sicth, my H packed my parachute on our wedding day, then we jumped out of the plane together, we were in the mind boggling yet exhilirating freefall for 10 years...he pulled his rip cord..started gliding...I pulled mine and realized that he packed the parachute wrong...I am now trying to pull the backup cord...it still is not working and I am almost too close to the ground...I hope it works soon.
I am sorry to hear that you still feel the same way as me. When we last spoke I thought you had turned a HUGE corner. I hope that you have and that I am reading too much into your post. If not, I know you will..just be strong.

Well, gotta run.

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

True,
The chute we both wear on our backs, as BS's, is not the same one we left the wedding alter wearing. However, we can make this new chute work. It will just be different and take some getting used to. Yes, I have turned a huge corner. It's at those moments when I stop and peek back at the corner that I feel a gut kick again.

P.S.- One bright spot about free-falling...you can meet some pretty neat people along the way!

Hi,
Finally understand how to work this new program on MB.
Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I see by your posts all of you are doing well. Me too. 2 wrote a little note and I have been meaning to write you all.
I read down the posts and the question 2 asked us all on what we have learned by our experience.
Well, first I would say I learned that the old saying "if you love something set it free, if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't it never was" is a total cop out. Love takes work, relationships take work, marriages take work. And if you don't want to work then remain single! Second, don't ever give up the most important asset you have FAMILY. And like True put it, question anything that bothers you and it's okay not to be total trusting in the future.
Well, I've been pretty busy on my ebay auctions so I must get back to sewing for Mother's Day sales. I will check on you all in the next few days.
I sure do miss all of you and I am so happy we have moved on to this place.
holiday
"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."

HOLIDAY!!!!! YAY!!!! I am so glad you checked in! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
DogMom and I have chatted more about coming out to Vegas for a weekend of fun....if we decide to come, should we look you up? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Glad to hear things are still good for you. I am well, but boy do I hate those bad days...they come out of the blue. I hate not only what they do to me, but my H as well. I see him become very hopeless when I get down. He then tells me he can see how much he destroyed my life, b/c I was such a happy person before.

I was going to tell you all, also, that I watched the movie where the PA all started the other day. I thought it might be hard, but knew I wanted to get it over with. I really wanted to watch it with my H but he told me that the movie was a painful reminder of where he went wrong. Anyway, it was ok. I liked the movie, but couldn't see how he could kiss another woman after some of the scences about love in there. I guess it shows me that our love for him WASN"t as deep at the time, as I thought. See, I couldn't go through a movie that had a strong love story in it, and not think about my H and me...but I guess I am a woman <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Rocked, I don't mean to disagree with you, but I don't believe that we are wearing a different chute than the one we were wearing at the alter....you can't change chutes mid-jump. You may have to deal with the fact that your chute is BROKEN and try to correct the problem..but, at least for me, it is still the same chute. Like I said, I am hoping for the emergency chute to open...or heck, I would love it if the old chute finally came up..a little battered..but still fully functional. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Well, I hope you all have a good day. I will check in later. It is nice to hear from you all again!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

True,
I stand corrected. You are so very right. (As always!) Same chute just a little battered. I see how it is...Vegas is a "Girl's Only" get together, huh! Well then, us guys in this thread will do our own thing too. It'll be a small group but I'll at least get to call the shots. I haven't been to Chicago recently...hear that's a cool place to party. Go Sox!

Rocked,
Well, I heard that Chicago was windy and humid...not a place at all that the MB "newbie" group should go..I have heard that from a very good source, I might add. And, like you said, I am always right!<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
As for the girl only thing...sorry. You will have to recrute some more men for your retreat. Good Luck! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Talk to ya later!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Yes, Vegas trip for all of you (yes, you Rocked are welcome too) sounds great. FYI I have a pool and lounge chairs just waiting for you.
Chicago is an exciting place. Haven't been there in 100 years (it feels like it).
Things are going well. Started to read new posts from "just found out" and it makes me hurt for them. Do you remember how hard it was in the begining? How hard it all was in the middle? We've come along way. I keep you all in my prayers that it continues. Our families are the future...keep them safe.
TTYAL,
Holiday
"Parachute for sale. Used once. Small stain." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sorry Guys! I have bronchitis and me and the kids have been too sick for me to do anything. I'm glad to see everyone posting here again. Didn't mean to bail out on you guys without explaination.

True, as far as your anniversary goes, I found out a week before mine. We went out and enjoyed each other as best we could. I was still in shock though. My H birthday is in a few weeks and fortunately he made all the plans. I am not up for planning anything special for him yet...especially his birthday, because last year he was SUCH A HUGE JERK about his birthday. Now I know why. Anyway, True, have your hubby plan your anniversary. Tell him you want to be treated special and to do something fun for the two of you. Let him plan it. Since the A, my husband has planned EVERYTHING. Our anniversary, Valentine's, my birthday and mother's day on Sunday. Plus he's planned his own birthday this year. I think he knows I'm not up for it and he knows he still needs to make me feel special. So True, my advice, tell your hubby to plan something special and then be gracious.

Rocked! You had a birthday and did not tell me?! I am SOOO angry at you! How dare you! And for birthdays, I bake and send goodies in the mail. Now, would you like to tell me when it was and where I can send you something?

2