Well, 2x4 no...

Try to remember that this is only 1 year from the date of the A's exposure. Sometimes when I read your posts it sounds as if you may have considered your spouses to be some type of reject from the begining, hmmmmmmmm. I think we all sometimes just try to hard. So try to relax a bit.

Yes, these next few weeks are extremely hard. Without my workout schedule I am having a bit of depression. H wants to know what will make me smile again and wants to do anything to make it happen. I just can't figure out what it will take right now. Very frustrating.

As for a new thread, yes...let's bounce around some new names and see what goes.

Rocked, sorry too to hear about your Grandmother.

You all are in my prayers,
holiday

Holiday,

I think you need to reread my posts, b/c I think I have even said that my H was the best thing in my life up until the A. I have always thought that he deserved better than someone like me...I did start to see that it was not all perfection, but doesn't everyone?? The only thing that I would have said was negative about him was the fact that he never seemed quite happy enough with just me, and obviously he wasn't.

Maybe I am defensive here, but I absolutely ADORED my H before all of this. I never thought there was anyone better suited for me...even through our lack of things in common...like I said, I once thought that this made us a stronger and happier couple. Remember, I could not imagine my life without him. I really can't.

My H has read these posts, though, even though he had stopped for awhile. I don't know why he started again. Now, he says that I don't love him anymore, and that I am going to leave him....I said, if I wanted to be gone, I would be gone. For the record, I do love my H immensely. It is just that I still grieve what was lost, and cannot say that I feel the same about him as he does about me. I always said I loved him more before, but now, I know at this moment in time, he loves me more. Is that wrong? I think it is probably normal. I did not betray his love and trust, and have shown him kindness, affection, and forgiveness in spite of the fact that he did do that to me. I think he should love me more, just b/c I am still reeling over the hurt of the previous year, and he is not.

I know I hold on to these things, and I wish I could let go. My H has also said he wants to do whatever it takes to make me smile again, and be happy. I also do not know what to tell him. I just think it is the wound acting up. Serious wounds do that from time to time. It is something we will always carry with us, and it will weaken us some, but there is nothing really you can DO about fixing it...you just wait the pain out.

Have you guys ever had this feeling? My H and I cuddle every morning before he goes to work, and every night before bed(never did this before A)...well, it feels so nice and warm and safe and secure...but often times the sadness creeps in too. So, I am sitting there feeling both very loved and safe, yet so vulnerable and sad. It is weird to go through that at the same time. I love that we do this now, and wish that we always had.

Anyway, names...hmmmm.....how about Just Found Out 1 year ago, or Bruins, Jags, Sox, (I am not sure of your team, Holiday)Fans Unite, or maybe...Fiesty 1 year Old Newbies. Ha ha. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

As for my MB ID...that one is hard...I think I will have to think about it a little longer. Maybe something like...stuckinpergatory??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I will think harder <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />


Well, off to town. Have a super day!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Guys, I don't even have time to read the above post because I am so busy with my event on Sat. However, I have a crisis and need feedback. I don't even know when I'll get around to read them, but I will before tomorrow.

My H e-mailed OW and asked her not to come tomorrow to the company going away which is basically an open reception. He blind cc me and it was a brief, professional and direct request that she "respect his request to avoid his good-bye parties..." She responded to him today saying that she would in fact be coming because she is a member of the department and "...would like to extend best wishes to both you and your family at the company gathering..."

What the ****** is that?! What makes her think we want or care about her well wishes? What do you guys make of this and what should I do if she should try to wish me well? She wasn't there yesterday when I came by with the kids. She is NEVER there when she knows I'm coming by. Why would she want to attend this? I have a call into my MC and waiting to hear back.

Sorry, I really am swapped. Once I get some stuff out of the way, I may be able to post more.
2

First, 2....is this the party at your house??? If so, she cannot come unless invited. If she shows up...you can just not let her in. If she doesn't leave...then, call the police. It is too bad that your H did not do this sooner...you may have been able to get a temp. restraining order for fear of what she might do. I don't know how those work, but I would hope that is what you could do.

Now, if it is at work, I would ask one of the people higher up than your H to ask her not to come(he should send the emails to verify that he politely asked her not to come). Just b/c it is a business function does not mean that EVERYONE is invited. We had a lot of "teachers only" parties, and the other staff was left out(this was not intentional...when we realized it, the others were invited). But, I think if it is a privately owned company, they can restrict who is allowed at a party...especially if it is not during work hours. I am not sure about harrassment issues, but I am sure that you could work your way around that.

If all else fails, enlist the help of the other people your H works with. If they know about the A, then ask that IF she does show up that she not be allowed anywhere near you. I would make sure that there was no way she could get to me or my family...even if it was just me avoiding her.

Now, this is all my opinion, and I do not know any legal ramifications. I suppose if worse came to worse...I would ask my H to regretfully decline any sort of party(in fact I did that when my H left his job). If it is already planned, well...too bad. He should not be asked to attend a party with someone who helped to try and ruin his marriage, and neither should you. Heck, if he had to, he could even tell the truth and say it is b/c the OW is coming and he does not want to subject his wife to such distress.


I hope your MC gives you better advice, or someone else on here. Did you post this in General Questions??? Maybe you should.

I will be praying for you.

True

True, this is the party at his job, planned for over 2 weeks and necessary since he has been there 10 years and is one of the longest employees with the company since it is relatively new.

My MC advised me very differently. She told me not to let the OW have any power by making a big deal out of this and not going or avoiding her, or asking people to talk to her, or even allowing her presence to ruin my mood. Hard to do, but I feel I will heed her suggestion as I do not feel I have other options. I would never make my H miss out on this opportunity to attend the party for him because of her. He did what he could by asking her not to come. That is all I can expect from him.

I suppose her knowing she really isn't wanted there will be enough for me to not obsess about why she is there. I hope. I will pray she becomes ill tonight or her car breaks down.

thanks

2,

I must humbly disagree. You always have choices. It should not matter how long your H has been at the company or how long it has been planned. If it is something that makes you feel uncomfortable, then he should not go IF you ask. You obviously are not too upset by it b/c you feel as if there are no other options. You and I are very different, though. I would have never "allowed" my H to keep his job in the first place, no matter how good of job it was or what he was doing.....that is one of the consequences of having an A...but you did...and in the end, I DID tell my H that he could not go to any parties that she would be at. So, I am coming from a different place. I am sure you would probably get very different advice from someone much more "forgiving" than me.

I expected nothing less from your MC. In fact if you had told me any differently...I would have been shocked. My MC told me something very similar when referring to letting the OW ruin the holidays for me. She finally "got it" though that the OW(and my H) had already ruined them for me, and what I needed to do was just give it that "importance" so that I could eventually let it go. She likened it to the death of her grandson and how the first year of holidays without him is going to be the roughest.

As long as you are comfortable with whatever you have decided I hope it turns out for the best. I also hope, however, that you are not just "rolling over" for whatever reason.

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hey Guys,

OK, I can breathe now! It has been such a busy day. I have so much to tell you all in addition to the OW coming tomorrow.

So to address that first, whatever happens, happens. I still in my heart of hearts don't think she'll come. She has avoided me for a year and my H too, so why show up? It doesn't make sense and she might change her mind before tomorrow and not come after all. She did let my H know that she will NOT be attending the department bowling party next Monday night though which is also a going away party for him. So see? She acts like she doesn't want to come around. What is the deal with tomorrow?

Just like I didn't want my H to quit his GREAT job because of some stupid insignificant OW, I don't want him to miss out on his well deserved going away party for the same reason either. As he has learned there are many consquences for his A, this doesn't have to be one of them and I am OK with it.

If she comes, she comes. I could have seen her yesterday when I was there. I could run into her at the airport next year, or Disneyland or something. I did what I could to avoid her but that is all I can do. I appreciate that my H asked her not to come. If she decides to show, she's an idiot, but we know that already.

I would ask that you pray for me tomorrow that she won't show or that her presence will not affect me. Tomorrow is a HUGE day as we are saying good-bye to the ONLY job we've ever known. Plus it is the end of an era and the beginning of a new dream for us. It is the end of them ever having to interact again forever and I should be (and intend to be) happy and excited. Pray that she doesn't ruin it for me.

On to the other stuff! I got a job! I told my H "Here is something I bet you thought you'd never hear me say...I got a job!" To make a longish story brief, my old boss knows a recruiter who was looking for a sourcing recruiter (that is what I do - headhunter). My old boss can not provide the same kind of recruiting that she does or I would have been working for him long time ago. Sourcing allows for flexible hours and even being able to work at 3am if I want. I even get to work from home! That is the kind of job I've been wanting for the last 5 years that I've been home with my kids...a flexible, part time, professional, job, paying great and working from home. It is like manna from heaven! I'm so excited!

So I send her my resume and she calls me 3 days later to hire me. She said "you come from an excellent referral (my old boss) so if you want the job it is yours. I was stunned that after 5 years of being home, I could land the job of my dreams that is paying ridiculously more than it should for this kind of work, without even meeting anyone! So I go in next week to meet them and ask some questions, and then I'm working the following Monday. And could the timing be any better? Right when my H is taking a pay cut. I'll be making enough to cover the morgage, so at least we won't end up homeless! So I'm really excited. I can't help but feel like this is such a blessing that I didn't even ask for. God is great! If he puts OW in my path tomorrow, so what?! He can do much more good for me than she can do harm to me.

Now, I read your earlier post and True, so many times you write exactly what I think. I also feel my H loves me more now that I love him. I too ABSOLUTELY adored my H before this as I explained earlier that I admired him as a man...I didn't just like him because he was my H. That is gone and I hope it will come back one day. I feel sometimes that with the 1 year of it all ending soon, and all this new stuff going on in our lives, that this is the beginning of an exciting stage in our lives and marriage. I hope those feelings will come back.

The other reason I'm happy about the new job is that my MC told me to keep busy to avoid becoming too depressed during this anniversary month. I told her how as long as there is a distraction, I feel good about things with us. But as soon as life returns to the same, during folding clothes or cooking dinner, I find myself sad. So changing up our routine and having a new focus, I hope will keep my spirits up and keep me from dwelling.

I do have BIG plans for d-day! I don't intend to explain to my H why, but I am going to the spa for the WHOLE day that day. I have a gift certificate to a local spa, plus I need a reward for all my hard work with this event Sat. and a reward for my new job! So I will get several indulgent treatments and spend some mediation time in a great enviroment of rest and relaxation. I hope to celebrate that day as the day the devil tried to steal my life, but as one of my favorite Christian songs says "I went to the enemy's camp and I took back what he stole from me...Satan is under my feet!" So it is just a suggestion. My MC always has me plan for things, like tomorrow or weddings, etc. So I have already planned for d-day. Now I can say (because of all the great things I'm doing for myself that day) that I'm looking forward to it! HA!

A new name for me...ChangedME. That would probably be my new name. I am me...but changed forever. When you guys pick names, we'll start the new thread.

Thanks for your prayers tomorrow and for Sat. too. Tomorrow is busy with the going away party and getting ready for stuff. Sat. I am gone from 6am-10pm. If I get a chance to check in tomorrow, I will let you know if she showed and what happened. Otherwise, I will chat next week.

Love you guys!
2

2,

Congrats! What a great opportunity. Yes, it definitely sounds like your life is taking a new turn for the better. I hope after the 1 year anniversary I can say...now, we have had all the anniversaries....let's just get move on. I doubt it will happen like that, but we'll see.

Well, good luck today and with your new job. You will be in my prayers.

True

Whoa...you have all been so busy...good!!!

True...

This is all I meant. by reading your most recent posts that was the feeling I was getting too. I never thought you didn't love him in my heart, only that your posts of venting were getting harsh. That's why I was trying to turn your head a little bit.

Same with 2. When we get down, hopefully one of us will pull the others from the quicksand.

My H and I too always cuddle at night and in the early am . I do feel safe and warm and loved. I never doubted my H's love for me. I think what I don't like to feel is that he was able to share that with someone else, even if it was for an hour or a day or a week. But we are human. We err.

Just last Friday I have been with my H for 27 years. 27 years of sleeping with the same man and only man. My heart hurts to think he could not do the same.

Have a great day,

holiday

Hi all,
Just received a voice mail from 2...
She wanted me to all let you know that the OW did not show up today to her H's farewell party at work...yeeha!

Hey Guys! Thanks Holiday for reporting in for me. As I felt in my soul, she did not come. When I got there, his entire department was there and I spent the next 20 minutes looking nervously at every person who walked in. Finally, the manager decided it was time for the department to go up front and all of them present him with a gift and say something nice about him. Right before they went up, one of the staff said "Where is OW?!" and the manager said back, "She isn't coming in today." and I felt my insides do backflips as I realized not only was she not there, but I didn't have to spend the rest of the party wondering if she was going to walk in at any minute. It was such a relief! And and an answer to prayer.

Looking at everyone in the dept say something, it would have been ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIYING for me if she would have said something in front of everyone like the rest of his department did. Either she realized that, or decided since she wasn't welcome, to not come. Whatever the reason, I was so happy!

It was hard to say good-bye and I felt a lot of emotions as we were driving home. But I felt myself say "not now. You've got a lot to do tomorrow...meltdown later." Mainly it felt like it was the end...like a load was gone...like I was moving away from something awful and never had to go back if I did want to.

Anyway, needed to let you know that. I'm off to bed. The busiest day of my life tomorrow! Keep me in prayer. Holiday, thanks for donating to the cause. If you other 2 should feel the desire to donate as well, you can check out the website at www.cropforacause.org!

Blessings!
2

Just wanted to let you guys know the event yesterday was a HUGE success. We doubled what we did last year and raised over $15,000 for Ronald McDonald House! It was a long and exhausting day for me, but with God's help, it went smooth and was a BIG success.

Today is the 1 year of my H walking out on us after weeks of threating to leave. After a fight I said "when are you leaving? I'm tired of this?" and he left. 2 days later was discovery of phone call day...that will be Tuesday with d-day still several weeks off. After the rush of yesterday and the anxiety of Friday, I'm starting to come down a little and feel waves of sadness. I'm still holding it together though.

Thank you for your prayers for yesterday and thank you for your prayers for this week with bad memories coming up.

Chat soon!
2

Hey, since 2 and Holiday already partied in Vegas how about we all get together in Arizona? I know this place at the intersection of Highways 52 & 14 that supposedly offers specials. The coffee will be brewin' and the the scenic view usually includes BIG wildcats. Nothing to get "upset" about though.

Lemmeno what ya think.

Rocked...I'm not sure there is a Hwy 52 nor Hwy 14 in the state of AZ. I lived there for over 20 years. You sure you have the correct state?
How about Hwy 60 and Hwy 93, beautiful country! Or Hwy 89???

I assume that Rocked's comments were in reference to football...but I don't know for sure as I tune out any mention of that sport...hee hee.

I hope all is well with you guys. I am ok. Saturday was a pretty terrible day. Sunday was relatively nice. I will have to tell you all about it later.

I have decided that my new name would probably be something more like "whatever"...since I say that a lot. Plus, it can either be sarcastic like me, or can also mean that whatever happens, I'll deal.

TTYL!

True

Are you guys ready to start the new thread? Should we head over to the Recovery board...since we are? Should we jump off this board altogether and just chat via instant messages? Any other ideas?
2

We need to find a new name?

No, we do not need to find a new name...just what would it be if you DID have a new name.

2, I don't care if you want to move this or just chat by email, or whatever:D Just let me know and I will be there.

Hope you all have a good day. MC for me tonight.

TTYL!

True

I thought 2 suggested something.
I can also just use email if you all like.
Have a great day,
holiday

I don't understand. What does Arizona, 52, 14, brewin, wildcats and upset have to do with football??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

You ladies have some pretty creative minds.

Love you all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />