i'm trying my best at plan a and it is my best one ever but its still hard. tongiht i get an email from him that says :
I know your not going to be to happy about it but I am going to be staying here until 11. Tomorrow I will be working 13 hours and as long as I do that I will be leaving at 8 on saturday. That will give me another 45 hour work week.

and it just fustrates me b/c he promsied he wouldnt stay late anymore . but i'm going to go take a long hot shower <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mylife

Plan A is a heroes gig. I said it before and I'll say it again.

When my Squiddy was being unreasonable and inconsiderate during her affair, I was encouraged ( read BULLIED !) into offering POJA to her.

I didn't see the point of POJA, but 'K' the wise old monkey that he is explained that while any individual offer of POJA may not be effective , the consistent application of it can seep into teh peripheral vision of the WS like conversation to a coma victim.

They may not wake remembering all the details but they remember being loved and talked to.

Now, Squiddy recalls being made to feel unreasonable by my offer of a reasonable format for discussion.

Maybe you could read up on POJA and see if you can start applying in plan A style to your H and his decision saffecting working hours etc ?

Stay with it.

Squid was a MESS and I was a MESS, but now she's upstairs warmly and safely asleep in my bed, loving me. Plan A can work really well ML.

Stay with it.

All blessings.

OK last night I screwed up plan A.. What now?

see when i was doing the bills i noticed a wierd charge to publix (now we'v had trouble with charges to publix b/4 and the bank fixed it) so I asked him if it was his. he siad it was and explained what he got etc. i made sure i didnt have an attitude or anything. we finsihed our conversation then we hung up lovingly.. or so i thought.

Then before he left I feel asleep. I know the ring from his cell and figured it would wake me up. but when he left work he called from work and didnt call again from his cell like he usually does. so i finnanly woke up at 12 (he was almost home) I called him and asked why he didnt call from his cell. he said why didnt you. and got an attitdue. i asked what was waorng he said he didnt like my attitude from when we were talking about publix. id idnt have an attitude. it turned into an arugmeent. wtih him telling me to shut up etc. we finnaly went to bed at 1am.

when we woke up this mornnig i'm staying home with the kids (their sick) and when he was leaving he jsut said bye. no kiss no love u like usually he does. so i guess ehs still mad. Now what do i do. my first thought is to not even call him all day? id otn know!

Ok, you can always start over so stop beating yourself up. Did you read what Bob said about POJA? Start calmly introducing the concept. Plan A is not about him walking all over you and your boundaries.

Now, call him today just once with an update on the kids. Something friendly like, "hi I just wanted you to know the ____ is feeling better or I talked to the doctor about _______ ...." You understand? Keep him involved with the family, keep it light and no R talk, ok?

I know i beat myself up too much its something i'm working on! i dont quite understand how to introduce a poja when were in the state that were in. i just called his desk NO answer. i'm going to be running to the store in a few then I guess i'll try again. i get to wrapped up in him na d his moods. its hard not to. and i'm trying to work on that.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh... when i called it rang 5x. no answer so i hung up. he just calls back. with an attitude and says why did u just call and hange up. i said b/c there was no answer. he said it only rang once. i said well here it rang 5 x. he had an attitude i tried asking about his day etc. so then i said i'm going to mop the floor and i'll call you later. he says (rudely ) YEP. i siad i love you bye. he said love u too bye.

mylife25, you drive yourself crazy, stop focusing on him, it would only bring hurts. I would not introduce him to anything at all, not even POJA. You have a WS on your hand, you have to deal w/ it accordingly.

JMVHO. -rh-

Even though I know those things: like i beat myself up to much or I get wrapped up in my thoughts all about him too much. HOW do i stop doing it? i think i've been in the middle of his moodieness so long i cant help but jump on the rollercoaster ride. i need to stop.

Try this. Imagine just right before you pick up that phone or before you feel the urge to chase him, your action cause him to rush to OW and complaint about you.

Don't delay things that you know it is good for you ... (make over) and procastinate things that you know it cause hurt.

Are up up for the weekend ?

-rh-

RH: Yea I got my sexy outfit today <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> we have plans to go out sunday for our annivesary date. our annivesary is 5/5 we are going out of town on 5/20-5/23 (the first time ever w/o kids for that long) but this sunday were going out for an early annivesary dinner/movie <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

There you go. No one could have done perfect plan A. It takes practice, trials and errors. You have to make sure your nails are manicured & painted w/ nice designs. How about makeover hair do & Victoria Screet ?. Go full blast ... LOL!.