Post deleted by 2YearsTooLate

Just some thoughts...

When my ex and I divorced, our sons were 8 and 10 years old. We had joint legal and physical custody.

We made a decision that we wanted to "normalize" their lives by trying to follow what their upbringing would be if we were still together as a family. This meant that our sons would go spend time with the other parent together, as brothers. If it seemed that one of our sons needed some individual time with the non-custodial parent, that parent would often go and pick that son up on a weekday evening, and take them out for dinner, an activity, etc. Their dad and I only lived about 9 miles from each other, so this was feasible. Sometimes there was 1 to 1 time when a son would have a scouting or sports event.

Depending on your distance, perhaps Thur. evenings could be your 1 to 1 day if needed. Have the other child join in on Friday to visit for the rest of the week/end. Maybe even schedule a 1 to 1 time with each child periodically. Their own "date", "appointment". They then know they will have special time with dad/mom. It also helps assure they will get equal time. (Because you know they'll be keeping track of that! lol )

I think it's great that you are working at putting your children's best interest ahead of your personal feelings toward their mother!! This is not an easy task! Children have enough pain and loss to deal with in the breakup of the family. It makes me sad/angry when this is compounded several times over by ex-spouses trying to get even with the other spouse through custody fights, visitation, etc,

I wish you the best in your planning!

x and I have 2 children. We always do both children together unless there are extenuating circumstances. The children's planned activities take precedence over the parenting schedule. Therefore, the schedule gets shifted sometimes. The reality is that neither child is an only child but we do sometimes build in 'only child' time.

I think regular one at a time visitation is a horrible idea. My H did something similar to our four children - they haven't been allowed to visit him more than two at a time since shortly after he left, even though they have asked repeatedly. One result, of course, is that they only visited him half as often - never more often than once a month. (Actually, he has allowed only one of them to visit in the last seven months).

Forcing them to visit separately makes it all too clear that not only are their parents no longer a family, but the sibling group isn't either. It is indicates to them that their father can only tolerate them one at a time, and that while he may feel obligated to have his children "visit," he doesn't want a real family.

Isn't that one of the major pluses to homeschooling - to encourage the cohesiveness of the family, so that the children are not merely ships passing in the night (or in the afternoon, on their way from age-segregated classrooms to playdates and activities)? It certainly was one of the best parts of homeschooling for our family.