My wife & I always fight and when we do we shout, curse, and disrespect each other. Why can't we simply negotiate peacefully and exchange ideas instead of turning it into one big emotional thing? It's a source of great sadness to me and if this aspect of our relationship is improved I beleive I would enjoy it more.

Thank You.

W/o being glib, nobody is forcing you to do any of the things you refer to. You're in control of your own mind/tongue/mode of speech, so I guess the quick answer is nothing, except a lack of self-control/self-discipline.

Anger tends to provoke anger, but a gentle answer turns away wrath...

Now making the assumption that you choose to stop engaging in these activities from this instant forward, and your W chooses not to, there are ways to address it coming from her.

Patricia Evans has a book, "The Verbally abusive relationship, how to recognize it and respond", which is chock full of tools to help address this kind of stuff.

I would encourage you to read the Basic Concepts material on this site, and make sure that you engage in none of those activities. if you're discussing something, keep comments limited to how you feel about something that happened, the word "you" should never be spoken wrt to criticizing or any of that kind of talk.

W/o more specifics, that would be my suggestion for a start.

OK-let's try this again-got logged out. According to Dr Laura, you just stop the behavior. YOu can't change your wife, but you can change your behavior which is a start.