I have posted many times. My ww is on the cell phone with a guy from our job,and she hides it so I dont read the messeges. She gave it back for a day,but has the cell again. He made her pay $40 for the activation fee,so she can have an affair. I dont want to leave,but if I tell her
to give him back the phone,then she treatens to leave. Our kids know about this,and are disgusted. They are 14+18.
She says she doesnt care anymore,and is sick of argueing.
I believe she is a cake eater,and wants me,and affairs.
I was going to tell the boss at work about the om hanging around my ww all the time. That their may be some trouble ahead. Would he get rid of both of us? What should I do?

Steve... what have you tried so far?

dewt

In the beginning my ww quit jobs to end affairs.
The om moved away,and we moved 6 months ago from a bad retail job she had at a liqour store.
We get along 90 percent of the time,and have everything in common,but she likes to flirt,and it gets worse,then I get suspicious,and she lies at first,but then tells me later.
I dont want to leave for a couple weeks,cause out of site is out of mind,and she may see the om alot while I am gone.If she leaves,then the om ,and her sisters will tell her to get custody,and more. This marriage can be saved,but she has to give back the cell phone. We went to counseling,and she lyed to him too.

How many affairs has your wife had?

Susan

My ww has had 9 affairs . She had 2 in the first 3 years dating,then 7 more in our 16 year marriage. The last was in September 2003,and now this one with cell phone communication,and at work.

Steve, I'm feeling Lemonman-ish this morning. Wake up! Set your boundaries. Your wife has a whole lot of affairs. It's no wonder that you and your kids are completely fed up with her. This is a problem of such long standing that it will take a whole lot of work to get a relationship with her. With all these A-s, have you actually had a marriage? Are they sexual or emotional affairs? What are her needs? Does she need the attention buzz? The sex buzz? Look at Mulan's posts about attention addicts. Read some of Lemonman's for a shot of reality.

First, a terrible accident has to happen to that cellphone.

Second, do you want your kids to think this is "marriage as usual"? Do you want them to grow up thinking that it's all about being a cheater or cheated upon?

Third, get thee to therapy. The kids, too.

Get off the pot and get some action! You and your kids deserve a whole wife and mom in your lives. Is this truly how you want to live?

MISTERSTEVE,

It sounds more like you have had a 16 year living arrangement with a woman that just happened to have your????? children.

The effect of her actions, while blatantly destructive to your self respect are a nuclear bomb when seen through your children's eyes.

If the only reason that you have stayed are because of the children, your actions were more than honorable. I can not fathom surviving your experience with this very sick woman.

My prayers go with you.

Listen to these people....... They know what they are talking about. I have just returned from the darkside of reality myself. I found that my ww is more about the attention then anything else and just fell into the need to fill OM needs.

Please steve, listen to everything these people are telling you.

MisterSteve, when your boys grow up and emulate you by tolerating a cheating wife for 17 years, what will you tell them to do?

Let's factor this down to the least common denominator.

Your wife has had 9 affairs (serial cheater)
You want to continue to live with her

And you want us to help you figure out what to do
Is this correct?

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

No 'accident' to that cell phone. Call Jennifer C @ MB and get a plan. Identify your boundaries, secure your finances, secure your children's living arrangements and put your WS out the door. Plan B is needed as soon as you can or sooner. Don't worry about OM contact, that is already happening and she is using you to enable it. Remove meeting her needs, she doesn't appreicate it.

Get some MC for yourself and IC for your children.

Meet the EN your W but NOT the WS. Learn when it is safe to say no. Don't let WS tantrums scare you.

L.

Poor Steve,

Aside from what all the others said, upon which I need not expand, I have a suggestion for that cell phone.

OM is paying for it, right?

Look up the web site for your nearest university. Find a link to something like the "Mongolian Students' Association", send an email to the president, something like this :

"I have always loved Mongolia and I have a deep concern for students far from home. I would like to offer your group a cell phone on which they can call as much as they like to talk to their families back home. Call, talk to your Mom for a couple of hours, then pass the phone on to another member of your group."

Arrange to meet him/her and pass on the phone (and charger).

-AD