So, I read Surviving an Affair, but didn't really "get" it until visiting this site and cruising around on this forum. I know feel equipped and advised well for embarking on a goddess's seperated Plan A with a European twist.

Because I was suffering from depression and panic attacks, I realized that a Plan A while living with an unrepentent WH was not going to work for me. I was not emotionally strong enough to refrain from disrespectul judgments and angry outbursts whilst being treated like dirt from a fence-sitting, cake eating WS.

WH moved out February 24th at my request. He had promised to transfer the OW to another bank branch, but instead he told our MC and I that he told the OW to hold off on a transfer, because he was not yet sure that he wanted to stay together with me or not. I asked how long did he need until he made that decision and he replied 2-3 months. So I asked him to move out, so he could see if he prefered a life seperated from me and his children. We also went to the lawyer's to make a financial agreement that would be similar to a divorce giving me the house and 2/3 of his income.

Since our separation, I have gained back weight and am back to where I should be. I am feeling more stable and an less frequently confronted by triggers that bring on panic attacks. With medication, meditation, and some athletic training I am getting my depression under control and am becoming increasingly productive again.

WS went on a 4 day trip with 3 male friends... a trip they have been doing together for 20 years. I had an invitation from a prospective employer to come to Vienna for an interview, so I also had my publisher set up a PR book signing and wine tasting in the city to present my newly published book. I told Hubby, one of the other guys will have to drive because I need our car. It is still too early to consider taking on a new job and moving with the children to Vienna, but I decided it wouldn't hurt to listen to what this prospective employer had to say and let WS know that I am respected and sought-after in my field and am considering relocation if he doesn't recommit.

So, I had my sister-in-law look after the kids and MIL and had a lovely weekend driving through Austrian wine country on my way to my interview and book-signing. It was wonderful to get out and be among colleagues in my field. The weather was gorgeous and I enjoyed some lovely meals sitting outdoors with views of the vineyards, blooming apricot and lilac while engaging in stimulating conversation --- all expenses paid.

WH will return home tonight and will certainly stop by to see the children. i plan to look stunning and be in a great mood, but a little aloof, answering any questions he may have about my interview only vaguely.

My 10 year old camehome early from school with an intestinal flu today. She's been erupting from both ends ever since, poor thing. She wanted to call her father, but he's got his cell phone set up to direct all incoming phone calls to the bank, where we end up being answered by the OW. Should I try sending my WH an SMS to inform him that his daughter is sick and would like to talk to him?

I ended up sending my WH an SMS that our daughter was feeling quite ill and would appreciate a telephone call. He called back immediately, so a positive sign that he is there for us in his absence.

WH came home late Monday evening and checked in on the kids. He brought the kids and me small gifts from his trip.

Tuesday was my MIL's 80th birthday. She suffers from dementia, but is not totally gone and continues to be a very sweet woman. My sister in law and I put on a little party for her, inviting relatives only. My SIL baked a few cakes; I was in charge of the cold buffet and wine. I made sure that I looked stunning ... a little sexy, but not too obvious. My husband seemed to enjoy my company and bask in the compliments all the relatives gave to the buffet. Only my SIL and her family and MIL know of my husband's affair and he puts on a good show in front of everyone else that we are a perfect couple. He waited until everyone left before leaving himself, probably to leave the impression that he still lives at home.

In the night, I came down with the same intestinal flu that my daughter had had on Sunday/Monday. After a night of holding the toilet seat like a steering wheel, I called my WH early morning to come and make breakfast for the kids and send them off to school, which he did. Then he stayed! He nursed me, bringing me tea and soup and he did little repair jobs on the house, then homework with the younger daughter. He has NEVER been so attentive or done ANY repair work without first being "reminded" for months! Is this a good sign? I'm still not going to back down on the NC stipulation with the OW and there are still no signs that he has made moves in that department.

It is rather difficult for me to meet his EN when he is not living at home, but his absolute insistance on a continued relationship with the OW was intolerable for me. Now, at least I am avoiding LBs. The party for his mother gave me a chance to deposit a few love units. Still, my main focus is me, getting strong and getting healthy again. I know from you guys, that he needs to see that I am desirable and capable and that I will walk the walk without him.

He seems willing to make some changes, and I certainly am, but why doesn't he understand that it is an ureasonble expectation on his part to think that I should accept a continued "friendship" with a woman with whom he had an EA/PA for at least three years?

P.S. WH asked nothing about my trip and nothing about the job offer. I didn't bring it up and I didn't bring up any R talk either. Trying to give him space, he knows that all he needs to do to come home is make assurance of NC with the OW and commit to rebuilding our marriage.

No that would be guilt. He is feeling guilty for abandoning his family and you. He is trying also to stay balanced while sitting on the fence. But from your point of view from Plan A, make sure you give him lots of appreciation for what he has done. Put another deposit in his lovebank but don't think he is off the fence yet.

O.K. lots of appreciation and can I accept his gifts as well? I will not be fooled into thinking that the affair is over until he has agreed to NC and he no longer works with OW.

For Wannabophim,
Actually, if my spouse is feeling any guilt at all, that would be a good sign. Up until now, he does not seem to regret all the pain and anguish he is causing me and the kids, but rather that the secret is out.

YFor anyone else listening:
yesterday I was recovered from my flu and WH was still hanging out, basking in all my expressed appreciation for all the jobs he did and looking in on me while ill. So, I took the opportunity to deposit some more love units and asked him if he wanted to go the spa with me and the kids.

While the kids were swimming in the pool, I went into the solarium. When i came out Hubby was there waiting for me. We were totally alone in there, he kissed me, pulled me into the sauna with him...

More love units deposited both sides.

Why do I feel so frightened and vulnerable today? Shouldn't I be rejoicing that I was able to deposit some love units? How will I ever get him to agree to NC with the OW? Why doen't he see that this is necessary for our recovery?