My WS works at a large bank with several branches, one of which he is the manager. He has four bosses, one of whom is a mutual friend, who tried to warn me of the A, but was too subtle and I was in denial at the time. This mutal friend and boss of My WH would be in charge of a transfer to another branch for the OW, but because of local laws protecting employees can only do a transfer at her request. My WS has promised 3 times to ask the OW to transfer to another bank branch, but each time has backed down, this last time telling the OW that she should hold off on a transfer because he is not sure if he wants to recommit to our marriage.

The direct boss of my WH is not our mutual friend, but one of the other four bosses. My WH respects this other boss immensely as a man of solid family values and integrity. This other boss does not know of my WH affair with an employee or that he has used his work place, his work phone, and work email to conduct his affair and that several customers have warned me about the affair. I do not know if a transfer for my husband is possible or if this other boss would be willing to do anything to hinder the affair or encourage NC. Shall I inform him? Would it be sneaky to send him an anonymous letter informing him of the affair?
WH is still very angry about exposure, would I be pushing my luck?

Lost, all WS are angry about exposure but that is the surest way to bring the A into the light and end the secrecy. Why an anonymous letter?

Will I push by wayward spouse away from me by informing his boss, causing him shame and embarassment in front of someone he has respected for so many years? Will it do any good?

Europeans tend to seperate work/public life from private life i.e. that Americans made such a big deal about the Clinton /Lewinsky affair instead of concentrating on how well Clinton did his job was considered rather ridiculous by most Europeans.

so you believe YOU are causing him shame and embarrassment....how is it not himself that is doing that?

Lost, here in the US if your H has a position above OW he could be fired or sued for sexual harrasment. I agree with Nikko, why would YOU be the one causing him shame and embarassment? He is bringing shame to his company and his family by his actions.

There are a profuse number of lawyers in the US...

Essentially, I agree, it is my husband's behavior that is shameful and dishonest. I just hate to having to bathe in his accusations of back stabbing. What about "Avoid being the source of your spouse's unhappiness"?

So you think I should expose it and use babble reply?

Lost, check out this link by Worthatry affair exposure 101

short answer....yes

Although WH has taken back his promise of NC with the other woman 3 times now, I am seeing progress since he moved out ... on both our parts. I am getting stronger and gaining my self worth again. Panic attacks are less frequent and severe. WH is doing work on the house without even being asked, is putting time aside for the kids every week, and has been giving me occasional gifts.

He set his own deadline for the 24th of May to decide whether or not he wants to recommitt (which I said must include a NC agreement). I'd be surprised if he kept his deadline, but I think that I will wait until then to tell WH's other boss. I've told his family and our most trusted friends already. We live in a small village .... everyone knew before I did anyway, including the children.

Maybe I sound like a wimp, but I want to avoid LB this month and get in some love units. I doubt that his boss would do anything about it anyway.