the "counselor / MD"...Dr."Smith" does not exist - I just called........

bobsmiley, I feel deeply for you and hope you are doing your best to keep yourself together, I KNOW how hard it is.
Somewhere there has to be some kind of closure on this guessing game for the both of us.

If she in fact feels "justified", for whatever ridiculous reason going through her (their) head(s), some reality is going to be showing up real soon....

I'm not at the point of wanting no contact with my wife yet, but I can certainly see it looming (glooming) in the near future.

I grabbed the recorder last night - nothing audible enough to hear, so I moved it to a different loaction.

I also grabbed a remote mic for it which I plan on installing in the passenger headrest.

I AM going to find out something.
A keylogger for her home computer is being bought this weekend.

Without ABSOLUTE proof of an A, I'm keeping my mouth shut about that part for now - the lies about the other stuff is a different story.

If she in fact is playing with taking/not taking her a/d's(as she's said and told me "smith" said was ok with him, that's a serious risk for her health(which I still care about).

She basically "dared" me to call "smith" when I expressed my concern for her doing that(not taking meds)

Man, it appears that this whole thing is putting you through the ringer. I must admit that my WW is not giving the appearance of any activity at this time. I think that she is too scared to do anything now. I have Plan A'd it for almost seven months without much progress. I cannot go much more. She is taking the kindness as a relief of not being confronted any more. She is working the strategy that every day going by makes any more confrontations less likely. This appears to be the only thing that she can do until the heat is off. She is not doing anything to cause a reconciliation so the M is not that important to her. Not getting absolutely caught is the only concern. She will get a rude awakening in August.

HH, you don't have to disprove what is an apparent pack of bullcrap. She doesn't have to admit a lie for you to know it is a lie. See what I mean? Let her know that you don't believe it for a minute. sheeesh, she is not even a good liar!

The thing is that she is not going to fess up and bust herself. It will be up to you to find the evidence independently. You might want to follow her the next time she goes out and maybe sneak into the bar if you can.

Shortly after these posts, I contacted my SIL to try to help me to convince my wife to ACTUALLY go to counseling....IT WORKED !!!

They had a horrible childhood (the whole family is mentally messed up), and this is why I've always (20 years) been trying to convince my wife to find a professional to help her cope.She's been telling me she was going - but never actually did

It turns out other of her family members were in major therapy for compulsive/pathological lying.....

My dear wife went into states of depression, anxiety attacks....many things that appeared to me to be EXACT symptoms of a WW going through withdrawal.....again, but who knows....

As was said... "The thing is that she is not going to fess up and bust herself. It will be up to you to find the evidence independently"

I have been unable to find any evidence that she has actually had an affair, although I have pretty much destroyed myself looking for months......

The facts of the matter ARE (and I've told her this straight out)......
SOMETHING happened, end of last year(when she started dressing differently for work), to the beginning of this year (when I started plan A and we started going to counseling)

This something had to do with her work....
She was transferred, told it was a promotion....she hasn't hardly worked a 40 hour week since (she used to always have overtime)....did not get a raise

She was sent back to the other building one day to help out, because things were slow in her building...

She was told that she wasn't allowed back in that building and to go home.

She IS NOT going to tell me what happened.
this is something I'm having a hard time trying to deal with - I don't know if I can be with her forever, not knowing WHAT

I've been going with her to the physiciatrist and the counselor - the first time, just to make sure she actually went, and I continue to go untill she gets comfortable enough to go alone.

her meds were changed to Abilify and effixor - that seems to have done wonders for the look in her eyes and her general manner

I flat out told both the doc and counselor about her less than truthfullness, hopefully to give them a heads up, but maybe that made me out to look like a wacko - but it was done.

Mostly during the sessions we've been talking about "here and now" kind of things - not really into the "what got us here" phase....
Maybe we're still in the diagnosis stage?
It was brought up by her, about my suspicions of her fondling men at work, and she said to the counselor it didn't happen.
The conselor suggested maybe it was all childish rumours going around at her plant.

At one time my wife had said to me "Well, even if it DID happen, it was only joking around"

We've been spending all of our spare time together, getting along great, although there are still some bumps in the road.
She still lies(but less)....actually gaslighting me at times

we bought HNHN and some other books we've been reading, that seems to be helping.
I printed out the Lovebusters , one for her , one for me.
She says she can find no faults whatsoever in me.....I actually had to force myself to lecture her(something I'm really bad about) to show her that I DO in fact do things that bother her....I know I do others....

So, that seems to be a waste, she either won't or can't take a stand on anything that might stir the pot -even if it's to help us in the long run.

She seems to think everything is just perfect, and we are to continue on as things were long ago, maybe that is what we should do......

I'm not unhappy - but I'm not happy with this gnawing away at me internally, I think what I want is closure? not sure

She says she doesn't know why she lies - it just comes out...that's going to take some figuring out, as to whether it's a personality trait - or a symptom of other things...

her plant is closed for the next 2 weeks while they do maintenance......SHE WENT OUT AND GOT A NEW, BETTER PAYING JOB THE FIRST DAY !!!!!
Even though it's going to be a bit of a nasty drive in the winter - she just up and did it, didn't even discuss it with me first.
In one way, I'm impressed, and glad she's away from there....in another, I don't know what to think

The main thing about her new job is she is now going to be working 12 hour shifts, with the drive she'll be gone at least 14 hours a day.
I MAJORLY have gotten used to our time together at night, and that is going to require a big adjustment.....the most outstanding thing being that every night after I get done working, we've been taking the dogs to the river to let them swim - while we sit alone and talk for 2 hours or so....

That in itself seems to have brought the both of us back to our senses ( and to each other) more than the counseling (so far)

So, along with this update....a question......

Should I just let it go?
Should I just try to forget the terrible feelings I was having in my heart that something was wrong?
If so.....how?

any thoughts?

So I guess nothing ever came of the voice recordings?

It sounds like you are on the right track. It sounds like you need to give the counseling some time. I hope she plans on making up the time together you will be missing by her getting a new job.

If she is serious about making your marriage better, you should see if she would agree to a POJA. This would have made the employment situation easier for you.

No evidence of anything has been found by me, except that she had joined some on-line dating places.....to tell you the truth - the way things had been going between us for awhile, I don't find that extreemly bothersome.
in her profiles, she said she was looking for "friends"...

I should have been there for her then, and been her friend, instead of working all day and night

whilst re-reading through this, something in your post struck out to me......

"In my opinion it is important to know what you are dealing with"


I have no clue.....

I AM still falling apart, and feel as though I'm in a dream-land

the worst thing about it was, I had printed out and given to her a copy of the POJA, two days before - so she either doesn't care, or doesn't understand