Just an update - NC letter has finally been written and is being delivered to PO this a.m. He is still keeping her po box number a secret, so our son is delivering it to the po today so I won't see the number. Duh. Like I want it - I only wanted to know he wasn't mailing it back to himself. DS said no. I believe him.
How long did it take? Well, next Sunday will be exactly 1 year from the date I found the emails and absolute proof of the adultery. It was on Mother's Day - nice present, huh? I exposed them (after gathering much proof and evidence) in September. So it has been 8 months since exposure. Why am I telling you this? Because some of you need to know that this process takes different lengths of time for different people.
IB (my WH) is still a spitting, snarling, trapped caged animal. Yesterday he said (referring to my spying and moving money, etc.) in a very self-righteous tone of voice, "I could never have done what you did." I quietly replied, "I could never have done what you did, either." When I use "I feel" statements to him, he says "I don't give a damn about your feelings." So, as you can see, I still have a long way to go. But I now believe recovery is possible. One day at a time, sweet Jesus....
As I said, just an update. This is good news, but just one more step in what is still going to be a long process.
I don't know how long it will take, but I will continue doing what I am doing. He refuses to talk to Steve. Or any counselor. I will continue to keep the option open in hopes that when he comes out of the fog, he will feel differently, but I doubt it. He has refused any kind of help since 1990 when our son was killed. So I don't really expect any change. What that means to me is that I have to be the one to guide us through this - he is willing to read things, such as the chapter I had him read in SAA on "How affairs should end." So I will wait a while for a break in the fogbank and then give him the chapter on recovery. I also have "The 5 Love Languages" but I don't think he's ready for it. I might ask him to do the survey in the back, though. Also the Emotional Needs survey.
If any of you have specific ideas on how to proceed, I welcome your input. And continued prayers. I will probably continue to call Steve and seek input on how to make a plan for recovery - even if IB won't actively participate. We'll see where we go from there.
