Hi all,

Just wanted to give an update. I'm sure they'll be more to come, but so far, the baby girl was born on April 21st, days before we left for a family reunion. H and I saw her at the hospital. H asked if I could come (if she said no, we would wait and see her together later), she said "thanks for asking, but we're all family now". Not that I would have wanted that, but I'm glad she sees it that way.XOW's mother and friend/birthing coach was there. Birthing coach is male and we already knew him. I think it's going to be hard for H to have to have someone else know more about "his" child than him. This is new for him obviously as he was very involved with our children and has never done the visitation thing with any of his other children. H wondered if I would be OK with the grandmother there, I was like "why should I be nervous, I didn't do anything wrong". It was very amicable. I think my situation may be a bit different than some as there was no "love" involved between H and XOW. I think she just had the baby because she was ready and H makes a decent income and is a good father.

The baby is very cute and looks a lot like the mother. I guess I was happy about that because as I've said there's no animosity towards XOW per se and it keeps my children distinguished from baby. She does resemble H but not in an obvious way. We'll do the P test soon, but there's really no question in anyone's mind.

We saw baby girl again a couple days later at XOW's house. When we entered the grandmother asked me if I wanted to see the baby's room. When we were in there she was about in tears thanking me and congratulating me on my acceptance and courageousness. I know she is worried about the life her granddaughter will have and was thankful for my willingness. It made me feel good that she acknowledged that. She said her and her daughter had talked and daughter felt like I would be good to her daughter and that she liked me. Of course, I'm not trying to be liked, but I'm hoping for smooth relations between us.

I thought this was going to be a lot harder that it has been. I know there's more to come with all the legal stuff and figuring out visitation, but I feel like open communication between H and I will make it easier. I realize that I won't always be there when he visits OC as we will have to goto her for a while and my children won't know for a while, but I told him I'd like him to call when he gets there and when he leaves and he suggested that he could take someone with him to make sure their not alone. (We have mutual friends). So, I'm hoping for the best. I still cannot imagine how all this can "work out", but at least now there's hope.

Hope everyone's doing well.

Hi! I just wanted to give you a thumbs up! You sound like you are doing great! Way to go. Thanks for the encouraging post.

Cold,
Congratulations on your courage and kindness! You are a shining example of love for your H, XOW, children, OC and OC grandmother. I am so impressed! It sounds incredibly difficult to me and you seem to be handling it graciously. I sincerely wish you the best and I hope it will always be this comfortable for you.

I don't think I could have done this myself. But as we all know, you never know what you will do when put in a certain situation. I did not want contact and my H agreed it was the only way we could recover. OW was still adamant about him leaving our family and any interaction with her and OC was just out of the question for me.......at this time. They live 5 states away and it really isn't feasible anyway. But who knows, a few years from now....full recovery(?), things could be different. I do feel a combination of guilt, anger, sympathy and concern for our OC and her well being. However, I have to take care of me and my children first. In my opinion, our situation didn't lend itself to C and repairing our M.

Again Cold, you are wonderful and I admire you!!

Take care!

Cold,

Thank you so much for sharing your story, OC was also born April 21, and so far things are going well, my H saw the child at the hospital but not since, we are ordering the P test already. I am still praying for the small chance that it isn't his but am prepared for it to be. I am so thankful that there are so many other peopel out there going through what I am. And it is wonderful to hear a positive story, I too am hoping for the same kind of relationship with OW, and OC and my H and Myself. Thanks AGain.

LA

LA4500,
Sounds like you are handling things well at this point. I just felt compelled to say don't get your hopes up too much about P test. I only say that as someone who told myself I was prepared but when the moment actually came, it was extremely difficult. But on the up side -- I did make it through that news and continue to move forward on the road to recovery. I have to admit it is a little easier when you have all the facts and there is no longer a ? of his or not -- that way you can begin to go in a direction. Take care of yourself and keep posting . . . As you said it is so comforting to have this board to come to and not feel like you're going through this alone.

Best of luck --
Beth