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#1367075 05/02/05 04:00 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
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Quick background:

My WH claims to have ended contact with OW a week ago. Instead he has changed the email account he uses to communicate with her and calls her form his work cell. I know this from snooping. I don't want to tell him I know this because I think he's trying and things seem to be getting better between us. (I saw a text message from her saying "Why can't we talk anymore?") I'm currently doing plan A while living in my own apartment.

My question:

Today he asked me to help him make a somewhat large purchase by using my credit card and he'd pay it off. (I have better credit/higher limits). I said, "Sure. I'm not trying to be a [censored] but you be willing to sign a little contract with me stating that. I know you'll pay it but my trust in you waivers daily."

Boy did he get mad and said, "When have I ever not paid something? I've paid for most everything you have now. (Not necessarily true.) Never mind I'll get it myself."

So I said, "Okay. I don't mind helping you out but we're not fixed yet and I need to start looking out for myself again."

And then I sent him an email that said, "I'd still like to take you to dinner. Give me a call if you want to meet up."
I wanted him to know that his little outburst is not affecting me.

Did I make a mistake in how I handled this situation? I hope I didn't make things worse because they really do seem to be getting better. Is he just pouting?


BS-28 (Me) WH-28 Married: 06/05/04 D-day: 3/13/05 EA/PA D-day: 9/22/05 PA Together 5 years
Joined: Jan 2002
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good job


what we do in life......echoes in eternity!
Joined: Sep 2000
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Did you make a mistake?

Sorta.

Instead of this:
Quote
I said, "Sure. I'm not trying to be a [censored] but you be willing to sign a little contract with me stating that. I know you'll pay it but my trust in you waivers daily."
Perhaps you should have said something like this:

"Sure. I'm not trying to be a [censored] but would you be willing to sign a little contract with me stating that - along with sending a no contract letter to OW? I have reason to hope you'd honor both conditions, but my trust in you waivers daily."

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Good job.

Joined: Apr 2005
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Yeah. You're right. I don't always say the right thing but I'm getting better at it. I think in the past I would probably have just said okay and I think that's what he expected. Why does it have to take something like this to realize how strong you can be?


BS-28 (Me) WH-28 Married: 06/05/04 D-day: 3/13/05 EA/PA D-day: 9/22/05 PA Together 5 years
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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You are on birth control, right?

It saddens me to see newlyweds so soon having to confront infidelity. But this could be a blessing in disguise for you.

Please keep your perspective that your investment in your marriage - from a practical standpoint - is likely far less than the majority of others posters you'll interact with here. I do not mean to belittle your devotion nor your goals, but I have tee shirts older than you. Both my shirts and you have a lot of life in front of you. Please stay as smart as the thread indicates you to be.

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My investment in this marriage is already quite large. We have been together for five years and had lived together for three years when we marrried.

I'm just now finishing school and our plan was to buy a house this summer and start planning a family towards the end of the year. We were getting to a point where neither of us were taking care of each other's EN because I was working full time and in school. I'm choosing to remain positive about this and see this as God's way of having us recommit to each other before we become overwhelmed by so many other things in life.

I'm realistic and relieved that we don't have children in case it doesn't work out but we do still love each other and neither one of us even wants to talk about divorce.


BS-28 (Me) WH-28 Married: 06/05/04 D-day: 3/13/05 EA/PA D-day: 9/22/05 PA Together 5 years

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