My ww who walked out on the kids,and I ON SUNDAY,AND DROVE OFF WITH THE OM SAID SHE IS NOT READY TO RETURN YET,BUT MY SON MISSES HER. HE IS 14. She needs to be at home. She gave back the cell phone,and is staying at her Father's house.
What can I say? Do I just wait for her to decide.

You can't control her but you can control and protect yourself and your children. Let your son know that right now his mom is not herself. Her chosen association has morphed her into a very unkind being. Let that be a lesson to him regarding who he chooses to associate with.

Then reassure him of your love and commitment to him. Let him know you are not going to leave him like others. You are his dad and love him with all your heart. U 2 need to bond and form a support alliance.

Get your son into some good IC ASAP.

L.

What do you say?

My advice would be to tell her that for now, she can continue to stay with her Father while you decide how you want to handle the fact that you have a wife who has no respect for you and keeps having affairs.

You will tell her that you are going to think about this, and seek professional help about this, and THEN you are going to decide if you are even going to ALLOW her to come back to the family home.

You will tell her that how she behaves while you take the TIME to make your decision will influence your decision. You don't need to give details. In fact it would be better if you didn't and she was allowed to think about this on her own.

That was my reply to your question. Next is my opinion in general:

You, my friend, need to learn how to set boundries! Your wife treats you with no respect because you allow her to. If you want to save your marriage, if you want to have a better life in general, read everything you can on this site about setting boundries. Open threads about it... discuss it... learn all about it and start making it part of who you are. People are going to treat you as bad as you let them. And that goes especially true for wayward spouses.

Right now, you have absolutely no control over what your wife does. She is going to do what she wants to do. Even if you manage to talk her into coming home, you can be assured that there will be another affair, and more problems. Please tell me you can see this...

Right now, Steve, you have to do 2 things.

1. Protect yourself and your family from further harm. - Your wife should not come home until she has PROVEN that she is willing to stop behaviours that hurt the family.

2. Learn how to set boundries - You are being treated badly because you allow it. It will continue to happen until you learn how to properly set boundries. You need to develop some self respect, my friend. At this point, getting professional help with this issue would be a wise decision.

And of course, 3. Listen to Orchid - She knows what she's talking about.

This is my straight up, no bull opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

Dewt

Wow Dewt, that's one powerful post. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Very good one!

So Steve how are you doing?

L.

Thanks Orchid. I have a thousand awesome teachers here on MB who I've never even met. I didn't come up with this stuff on my own, y'know! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

So... Steve, how ARE you doing?

dewt

Talk to us Steve. How are you doing?

Iam trying to get my post on one thread,and not two,so can you find the other. Thanks