I'm realizing that I am going through a new stage and wondered if anyone else has experienced this. Almost two years into Recovery, I should be feeling wonderful, my H clearly is in love with me and is repentant about his A BUT...

Now, I am having all of these anxiety symptoms. You guys have helped me to realize how difficult it is for me to just chill now and have fun.

Symptoms of PTSD which I have: HYPERVIGILANCE-alert for something else bad to happen; IRRITABILITY/ANGRY OUBURSTS-yes, LBs for which I must apologize; SLEEP DISTURBANCE- including teeth-grinding (a guard has been prescribed by my dentist),NIGHTMARES ( of H saying he is leaving), I wake up whimpering and he holds me; REOCCURRING THOUGHTS OF PAST TRAUMAS CAUSED BY TRIGGERS (cars like hers, women that look like her, certain TV shows/movies, even certain commercials).THERE'S MORE....

That's why sometimes I can't laugh and joke, continuing to be a "wounded animal".

I just hate what this has done to me, to us. That's why I stay on this forum although you guys can understand that sometimes I want to RUNAWAY, like the RUNAWAY BRIDE....

I ALWAYS FEEL BETTER WHEN MY H WRAPS ME IN HIS ARMS AND TELLS ME THAT HE LOVES ME. I'M HOPING I'LL FORGET THIS ONE DAY. I'm HOPING THIS FOR ALL OF YOU GUYS, TOO.....

Mimi

I could have written your rpost, but not so eruditely.

Exactly correct.

We have to hope it gets better, 'cos this is sh*t.

{{{{M}}}}

Mimi-

I'm not one of the old-timers here, but I can relate to what you're saying. I'm ex-military, and have been diagnosed with PTSD before...even before I'd met my wife. It took me a few months to recognize the symptoms, but I have been dealing with the exact same thing myself. I've discussed this with our MC, and about two weeks ago I spoke with my Dr who prescribed meds that treat both depression and PTSD (Zoloft).

The only way to deal with PTSD is to get it treated...both with counseling and with meds if at all possible. And it's NOT that uncommon for a BS to suffer from PTSD as a result of the A.

Thanks BOB and OWL for responding.

It helps to have a support group, folks who know what you are going through. That's why I hollered out here.

I'm kind of disillusioned with counselors, especially those who have not experienced infidelity. I found myself doing more explaining than getting help. "I want you to understand me.."

I'll probably be my own best therapist.

I will consider medication again. Will talk to my doc.

Here is something Pep posted to me on 10/20/2000.




Mimi, I listened up. Life ain't been the same since. It's your choice.

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hey - Your in recovery - that's more than some of us can say - your WH loves you...realizes his mistakes and is working to make it all go away...You are in a better place than many of us...

I totally understand your feelings and it is sad what they did to "us"....What A's take away from a M...what walls they build...

I hope you get past these feelings asap

Mimi...

I've not been there (even though I do grind my teeth and sometimes wear a guard to bed!!), just wanted to say that I'm here and I care!!

Georgia

Mimi,

Funny you should mention PSTD, because honestly yesterday I was reading some of your posts, and that is exactly what popped into my head.

My head's still fuzzy from our Russia trip, but when I can think clearly I'll post some thoughts!!

I was where you are; and I seemed to have worked through it. Because that's the only way you get past it; there's no going around it!

Mimi - Join the crowd. It is possible to be left with PTSD after a severe emotional trauma. I too have every symptom you listed, and then some. I deal with it by detaching as much as I can, by keeping busy, and by taking Kava for the anxiety attacks. (Anyone thinking of using Kava, check it out thoroughly first - there are some contraindications.)

But yeah, I know just what you mean. I live with it every day. Sometimes just knowing that it has a name, and you're not the only one with it, can help.
Mulan

THANKS, MULAN!

LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU, CSUE!

What we have here is a support group! It means alot to be able to share with others who really understand.

MY PLAN is to GET BACK UP ON THE HORSE! I have to remember to vigilantly use my arsenal of coping strategies.

However,on the other hand, we do have to accept and realize how much we have been wounded and that this has been and is a major trauma.

Mimi - I am now going thro exactly what you wrote. Man one day I feel great then for some unknown reason wham -there I go again -the insecure woman. It seems like she hides inside just waiting to come out. I have always been a strong woman. I ask myself who the hell is she -she is a gift from my WH. Gee thanks H - wish I had gotten soemthing else - like a broken nose. I feel like I have multiple personalitites. I am great at covering this new me up from other people. But she wispers in my ear even in sleep sometimes. I do not like her and have told her to go away -but here she stays. Hope we all get past this. Wishing you a single whole new woman.

my post traumatic bcame so bad i went into aggoraphobia. for a couple of years i have suffered. i am now on a new med--all the other didnt work. its actually an old med, one of the first deppression meds i believe...its called imipramine. it has changed my life. i no longer suffer the aggoraphobia like i did and i am out all the time...it also comes in very low doses which is good for me. look into it.

Mimi,

Some thoughts...first of all now that you're over the crisis and the "fight or flight" instinct has subsided, you're able to relax enough to feel the pain of recovering from the trauma. When in crisis, it's as though it's minute to minute survival.

You're beyond that now.

This to me falls under the category of "personal recovery" not marital recovery. It's separate, and hopefully won't cause you anxiety over your marriage. Really, all you husband can do for you is comfort and support you through this personal healing. But isn't a relief that it's not your marriage your dealing with; instead it's just you? Reason I say this is because you're not dependent on anyone else to deal with it. No OW, FWH - none of the issues related to marriage anyway.

Instead it's one on one - you dealing with you! It will be refreshing. From what I see, you came through a harrowing experience, you behaved remarkably using the tools and skills you learned from SH and the posters, and the website.
You proved to yourself that you could execute a plan A and a plan B. Surely not perfect, but effective enough to get the job done.

Who you are now is a healthier person than you were prior to these experiences. You're wiser, and probably have a new found sense of confidence that you came through this experience intact. Am I making any sense here? If so, I have more!!

Oh, and another issue!

You mentioned recently something about greater need for alone time or something to that effect, remember?

Let's discuss that too! I have that in common with you as well!

Mimi, I so understand. I'm 28 months from Dday and thought I was doing pretty good putting things in the past away, but then, Whammo! suddenly you remember some little something and it builds from there. I get paranoid thinking about how I didn't know what was going on for so long, so how can I be sure he won't do it again? etc. I feel so easily fooled and he lied so good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> And so it goes...

So then I have to stop and 180 myself. I become a super-heroine (or Goddess <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ), capable of all things. I have a newly decorated backyard, complete with bird feeder and a solar light up frog amongst the greenery. A very small vegetable garden, two dogs and a cat rescued from animal control (one each year). These things make me happy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> The front yard's next! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

"I BELIEVE I CAN FLY" after your posts yesterday!

I LOVE YOU ALL!! Every single of one of you!!

CSUE:

I love this concept of PERSONAL RECOVERY! Why, of course, that's what this is. I'm not only a GODDESS but also a BUTTERFLY!!

Mimi,

The personal recovery is also a bit of a roller coaster, but I'd be happy to discuss it further with you if it helps!

Have you read any books by Marianne Williamson? She's one of my favorites especially her "Return to Love".

Mimi:

I am gonna pop on your thread to you to make a quick post. I think this thread and what it is about is long overdue. Your point of BS PTSD is a very very real and often underappreciated aspect of all of this $hit that goes on here.

I know that I suffer from what you say in some aspects. I think that is one of the reasons (among others including the disgraceful quality of the new board software) I chose to scale back hanging around here. I sometimes find it so hard to find any compassion for a WS and the pain and devestation that they cause the BS here sometimes really tears me up. I find that I cannot post anything of help to the BS here because even now months after the trauma I have such displaced feelings towards the WS here that the BS speak of.

I think I guess this is why I am not a big rah rah fan of preaching the strategies to win a WS back after they have committed a betryal.....I mean betryalS!! I really hate the concept of being the only one to be trying to save the marriage. I do hate that. I know that FOR ME, the only salvation for me was divorce and leaving my WW. It may have been the hardest thing I have done in my life. The fact that you were in a turmoil for three years trying to win a WS back must have been soul crushing to you. You cannot possibly think that you can walk away from that time not having deep seated scars, that may sadly be there forever. I liken this affair to a person who has suffered a heart attack. They can go to the cath lab and have angioplasty or have a bypass operation but the part of the heart that was without blood flow will always remain scarred. They can get cardiac rehabilitation, they can lose weight, they can get their cholesterol down and live great and productive lives, BUT they always carry that scar of the heart attack.

Maybe my analogy doesn't work for you, but I think it is reality. That is why I am such a proponent of PERSONAL RECOVERY before marriage recovey. Yes, I know that many will counter with the Plan A's and all of that being personal recovery.....well we all know how i feel about that.

Anyways, while I don't agree with you on everything on here, I do think your struggles are felt by many of us "recovered" or trying to recover.

LM

***Your point of BS PTSD is a very very real and often underappreciated aspect of all of this $hit that goes on here.***

Lemonman, thank you for saying this. Since you are a physician this will carry some weight. It's often very difficult for people to believe that a person can show PTSD symptoms from emotional trauma, and people who do have it are often dismissed as "crazy" and "unstable" - especially if they are women, IMHO.

This just gives more fuel to the crowd who say, "Gee, no wonder he cheated. Look at her. She's crazy." (Princess Diana, anyone?)

They should be saying, "Gee, no wonder she's crazy. Look at him. He's cheating."

(Of course, this works if you reverse the genders, too.)

LM, have you ever come across this sort of PTSD in your practice? Maybe among would-be suicides rushed to the ER? Did anyone recognize what was going on?

And what is the treatment for emotionally caused PTSD?

A lot of us are listening.

Thanks
Mulan

It works for me, LM.

I was just thinking to myself... asking myself... "uhhh... why are you having so much trouble feeling like a 'normal' person...?"

Then I decided to check in on MB... yep, your analogy works for me very nicely.

(Thanks)