Just found out last week that spouse had one night stand - contacted Chlamydia. He has been honest, open and repentent. How much of the details do I need to know?

That really depends on you. How much do you want. Just make sure you really want to know and that you can deal with what you hear.

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as much info as YOU feel YOU need to know. Your H has to be prepared to tell you everything YOU want.
However, I will advise you to think very carefully before you ask what you want to know, simply because you will have to live with the images you create. For some this info is very healthy and allows them to move on & recover...for others it can make things worse & recovery can be harder.

No one but you can decide that so just have a good think and then ask what you want to know.

all the best and I hope you will read worthatry's post at the top of this forum ... very helpful.

Thanks, i also read "Joseph's letter" and had my spouse read it too. Am trying to find something to figure out how much is too much. Also re: confronting the other woman - I feel I need something for closure but unsure what. Also am grateful for all the posts re the roller coaster of emotions -unbelievable.

How does one know if they are ready or will be ok with it?

I read somewhere that a good way to figure that out is to ask something that you might find a little painful...if you find that you cannot handle that..then don't ask too many details.
For me..I know EVERYTHING...even things I shouldn't. Everybody tells me I know too much. But I am a very curious person...I would go crazy if I had to imagine things on my own. I knew everything about my H before all this..and feel that I need to know all of this part of his life too. The OW made him feel really good in a time that I could not..and I am desperately trying to figure out how.
For me it helps..but, again, that is me.
Also..what is your personality? If you are not naturally a information seeker...I am, BTW...then you might not need to know. I am the type of person, who when sick, seeks out all the info I can on the illness.

I am sooo sorry that you even have to ask questions like this. It is all so unfair that we are all here...but you definitely have come to a great place.

Take care,

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

It has been about a month since I found out.

At first I thought I didn't want to know anything more. But the wondering of the details has been making me go crazy..

I have pushed and pushed for all the details and I am just now starting to get them. It has been horribly painful, the thoughts and images consume me everyday, I find myself breaking down anytime and anywhere. But at least I now the hard truth and it helps me make a honest decision to move forward. The unknowing is much more difficult.

I would suggest getting all the details you can. I believe the total picture of honesty is the only way to move forward. If you can't handle the worst part of the truth, then that will help you make your own decisions.

Good luck and hang in..

Thank you all for your input. I went for all the details as the one post said my imagination was making me crazy. I actually feel better in a weird way. Partially for his honesty and also that it was a one night stand - almost like a prostitute. No future contact - planned he doesn't even know her number. Doesn't mean it still isn't the most painful thing I've ever experienced. And I look at him differently. Downloaded all the questionnaires. Still need to heal, but today I have hope, due only to God's pulling me through.

see, i'm a curious person, too. BUT, there are some aspects of my husbands affair that i really dont want to have floating around in my head. not like the images i have conjured on my own arent bad enough, but i guess i dont need to know EXACTLY what she was wearing the night they had sex in her car.

granted, i am still learning small parts about the whole ordeal. i assumed that they met in a club and had one too many drinks and he took her back to his hotel room (he was on a contract job living in another state) and one thing led to another. i found out saturday that thats not exactly what happened. apparently they met one night, then met up at the club another night... and then i dont know how long they had had known each other before they slept together.

he informs me that it didnt start out as him looking for sex. he claims the sex just happened later in their "relationship", which i believe. because i remember when we first got together, he informed me that his first wife had cheated on him and his last girlfriend had cheated on him both times when he was deployed overseas. and then informed me that the only way our marriage would break up would be if there was infidelity. yeah, that's a kicker, huh... he is the one who ended up being unfaithful.

so, as for the details... only ask the questions you are willing to accept the answers for. in time, you might be able to handle all the answers. if not, then make it ok with yourself that you DONT know.