MY ww who ran off with the om Sunday on me,and the 2 kids {14+18} and is living with her father said she has not reached a decision yet on her return. She said she wants to do things on her own. I guess that would mean meet lots of guys,cause we did everything else.
My daughter said I am a sucker to bring her food,clothes,and give her rides to work {1 hour ride}and
she doesnt want to come home. Let her get her rides from the guy she ran off with.
What does she mean own her own? She has a family here to help take care of.

Well, let her do things "on her own". she needs to face the consequences of her actions and you are not helping her, you are enabling her bad choices. I'm sorry for what your family and you are going thru right now. I hope your wife will come to her senses.

Yep, I agree. I am a FWS and I can tell you it's reality check time. Trust me, they work!

I must be really cranky today. You need to stop enabling her. Our WS are dependent upon us for certain things. Sometimes it physical or monetary or mental support. Take away the props of money and rides to work and what has she got?

If she wants to do it herself, LET HER! It's time you both woke up and smelled the coffee. If your kids know, they can help be your support system. Whenever you think about doing something for her, think "nope, she wants to do it herself." It's a tough love thing. Don't be the doormat.

Your WW like so many WS including my own, can't see passed themselves. Taking care of whatever family they have is a very low priority. A WS is immature, selfish and self-absorbed. Our kids are lucky when they've got concerned parents to pick up the slack.

Good luck! I think it's a Grape gone wild day.

MisterSteve, Grapegirl is right, you need to knock this crap off. I am thoroughly disgusted that the only sane adult in this whole sick sordid, mess is your 18 yr old child. At least she has some balls and some common sense.

Please go back and read Dewt's reply to you this morning. He [very nicely] laid out a very good, sound plan for you. But, as usual, you ignore any good advice that folks give you. I can't count the times on this forum that folks have spent time and energy posting to you only to be ignored. For once, go take someone's advice.

Steve, talk to us! Don't just make random thought postings. Most of us are hurting in some way. We support and help each other. We all go through times when we don't listen to anyone but eventually we do. And it makes a BIG difference. Listen to your daughter. She is a voice of reason.

As my dad would have said, "Sh*t or get off the pot"

I didnt know how to reply,so I posted again. It says logged off when I tried to reply

Okay, so what happened? Are you going to let her "Do things for herself?" She has no reason to stop her bad behavior if you keep trying to rescue her.

Steve, I get logged off all the time too. Copy your reply before click the continue rectangle. If you are not logged in, you will not have the option of reply.

Please, let us know what's going on. Keep trying.

I will keep everything in one thread. I thought if the post was a couple days old,then no one would read it.
The om talked to me at work yesterday,and said my ww asked him to get her a cell phone,and she called him for the ride. He said she approuched him for everything,and he was just being nice.
She is at her Fathers house since Sunday,and has not made any decisions yet on returning. Tommorow is our 16th anniversary,and she may come by for the weekend.I want to save the marriage,but she said she is not happy. She said my son doesnt respect her,cause he calls her stupid,and a jerk,but my wife has been name calling them for years,and I keep telling her they would do the same ,and they are.
We improved our living area ,schools,jobs,and financial situation,but she took it down when getting a cell phone without telling me for 3 months.She is giving,and receiving compliments,and emotional support from om,but wont send,or accept any from me.I give her a ride to work,but thats about it .She says no one else will be involved in her decision,but I wonder if the om has already influenced her to stay away. She says she is not happy,and I ask how I can make her happier,but she says she doesnt care anymore. She has to make an effort to make it work.

I'm glad you finally got a post in, Steve. Everybody gets yelled at one time or another for having too many threads. Even if it's an old thread, it still pops to the top when there's any reply.

First, I'm sure you know about Karma. What goes around, comes around. If you treat your children in a disrespectful manner, they will be disrespectful right back at you. If she's been calling them names all along, yoyr kids probably subconsciously feel that's the way they are suppose to interact with her. Of course, there might be some truth to the fact that she's acting very stupid and like a jerk.

Don't expect your WW to want anything from you while she is in the fog. She is fixated on OM right now. She will here want she wants to hear and take what she wants to take. If you are offering what she wants, like money or a ride, she'll take it. Saying she is not happy is all part of the script. Have you been given the "we've drifted apart" speech yet? There's also the "it has nothing to do with OM" line too. OM is just being nicey nice? Let him get a full blast of this psycho in his life.

Think about yourself and think about your kids. Do they call you names? What do you call them? The truth is that you cannot make someone else happy. A person can only make themselves happy. You can make the conditions better for happiness to occur but you can't do it by yourself.

Expose and don't take any guff. You've put up with that cellphone for about 3 months too long.

Steve, is there any reason at all that your children should respect her? I mean, she is a serial adulterer who flaunts her affairs, I can't see much here to respect.

Have you considered that maybe it would be best for all concerned that she stay at her dad's for awhile until she does something about her problems? Doesn't sound like she is a very good influence on your family. Or do you like living like this?

My ww came over for 2 hours after work today to get a few things. She didnt say anything about the anniversary tommorow ,or weekend,so I guess this will be the last time I see her around here for a while. I am not going to take her to work on Monday. Why should I do things for her if she cant be a part of the family? She needs time to think about alot. She can get a ride from the om,but he will look for $$,and more.I am a sucker for sitting at lunch with her.
I dont know how much longer I can work at the job knowing my wife,and om are seeing each other at work.

Your WW and OM work at the same place as you do? Is it a big place?

The 3 of us work at a warehouse. The om can roam all over. I am on one side,and ww on the other . We are about 50 yards apart. The om friend who is also a cheater with my ww best friend looks out for everyone like a watchdog while my ww visits him behind racks of merchandise. My ww female friend is getting married in 3 weeks,but has a bf at the job who is best friends with my ww om. Hope it isnt confusing,but it sounds like Jerry Springer. My wife made bad choice of friends,and it showed quickly.
I drive ww to work,and have breaks,and lunch with ww,and female friend. I have to start looking for another job when om can give ww rides.
Also my ww wont admit it,but she left the family for a wild lifestyle with those 3 lowlifes. They helped change her mind,and she says they had nothing to do with it.

Today is also 16th anniversary,and almost 20 years together. My ww maybe using today to tell me she is never returning,and wants out for good.
When she cheated,I made a big mistake of smothering her,and having sex right away. I was forgiving her in a physical way
I should have not spoken,or sent her to her Fathers back then,and not let her back till she agreed to stop her foolish lifestyle. I didnt want to disrupt the family ,cause the kids were much younger.They are 14+18 now,and hate what she did last Sunday. Walking out on all of us for wild lifestyle.

Good morning, Steve. Hope you are doing ok today.

I have a few thoughts for you to consider.

1. Why are you driving her to work and having breaks and lunch with her? She has treated you very badly and you are showing her that she can treat you however she wants and can still take advantage of you.

2. I think your boss has a right to know that he is paying people to sneak around behind shelves and have affairs.

3. This friend of your ww, who's getting married soon. Does her fiance know that she has a boyfriend?

It seems to me that the reason these people are acting so horribly is because they CAN. A wild lifestyle is not so much fun when you have to face the consequences.

Take care, dude.

dewt

It's definitely time to find a new job Steve. You don't need to wait until WW can get a ride from somebody else. When she left your family, her transportation became her concern. Do not have lunch with this woman.

Your workplace sounds like a soap opera. Maybe you can call it "Warehouse Workers Behaving Badly" Does anything really get done there? Where's the manager? Is OM the manager? I'll bet upper managerment would LOVE to know what's happening on company time.

EXPOSE, EXPOSE, EXPOSE

Sorry you're having a crappy anniversary. I've come to realize that crappy anniversaries come with crappy marriages.

My ww came over on Friday our 16th anniversary. We went out for awhile,and talked,and she stayed over for the night.
I am bringing her back home today,but I am telling her I cant drive her to work from her Fathers house where she is staying since last Sunday. It is another 45 mins of driving,plus gas,and my son has to walk a half mile extra,and leave 15 mins earlier to get to the bus stop,cause I am not home at 6:30 anymore to give him the ride.I told her she can go out with friends,and have fun,and that will make her happier,but she needs to decide this weekend to come back home where she belongs,or stay at her Fathers,and she will have to ask the om to pick her up. He is even another 10 mind further. We all work at the same place.If she decides to get a ride from the om,then I dont know if I will remain at the job,cause it would look real bad she goes in with the om.
She wants to be a cake eater. She can see the om either way
living here ,and going out once a week,or see him more by staying at her Fathers.Do you think the om wants just sex,or to have her for himself?

Sorry,I didnt know my post had 2 pages,or I would have replied to yesterdays earlier.
I am bringing her back home today,and no longer giving her rides to work until she moves back home.
My ww female friend ,and ww recieved a warning yasterday at work to get more done,and stop talking the the om.The girls
fiance does not know about her om.If ww gets ride from om..it wont last long.My son is not talking to my ww,and daughter who is in college,and is coming by this weekend is disguted in her. tommorow is Mothers day. HOW WILL WW FEEL THEN?