hi
I am going to give my quitting notice right away,so I dont have to look ,or be around the two of them at work anymore. I can collect Unemploynent in 2 weeks due to work related stress caused by the affair which began at work.They posted signs about no physical contac at work ,cause of my ww hugging the om behind the racks.

hi
I talked to my ww last night,and told her where I put the Plan B letter,and that we will be meeting today to discuss things. If she does not agree to end all contac with om today,then I will quit the job,and no longer contac her.

Steve, I thought the letter was fairly clear. What exactly is there to discuss?

I have to admit I'm feeling a little frustrated. You have a chance to avoid so many of the mistakes that I made and yet you are still setting yourself up for disaster.

You should have an intermediary... a third party who can act as a go between. If she wants to say anything or get anything to you, it should go through this person.

Plan B means NO CONTACT. If you are going to have contact with your wife, DO NOT GO TO PLAN B.

If you go to Plan B and then have contact with your wife, you are making things worse.

You are sending the message that THINGS CAN GO ON JUST AS THEY ALWAYS HAVE.

Haven't you had enough yet?

John

hi John
My ww thinks,and tells everyone the om is just s friend.
She does have some other problems where she lies,but actually thinks she is not.I dont have the patience to wait months for her. If she says she wants to see the om after today,then I will no longer talk to her. I am telling her to give back the cell phone,and avoid all contac. I want to move forward starting today. I have gone through enough suffering,and playing a games.

Steve, you shouldn't talk to her after she has read the no contact letter. In your letter you told her NO CONTACT. You shouldn't talk to her about ANYTHING!

Steve, in order to come back she must drop the OM and resolve her fidelity problem in counseling. That will take some time to resolve if she is truly committed. You should not be in any contact AT ALL until that happens. You just told her in the letter you were ending contact with her, if you meet to discuss this with her, she will know you don't mean it!

Yes. Enough is enough. This is pretty much exactly what you said to her in your letter. You were very clear and made it easy for her to understand what she has to do before she comes back to the family.

You said me an' Mel were good coaches. We're both advising you, straight out, NOT to talk to her while you are in Plan B.

Plan B started the minute she read your Plan B letter.

I thought you said you had enough of this kind of stuff with her...

John

hi
My ww called on Sunday night,and said the letter was full of demands,and does not want to see me no more. Thats it.

Steve, you didn't talk to her, did you?

She said the letter was too demanding,and does not want to see me anymore. THATS IT.

We all knew she would be angry when she read the letter. She doesn't want to lose control of you. You are taking back control of your life in Plan B and she will not like that.

^Bump^ for Mr Steve...

MS,
Right now you’re in a state of anxiety and despair. So you wrote her a Plan B letter and she reacted in the text book fashion…and now you’re freaking out! I mean there was nothing original about how she took your letter to her at all! She is angry because you’re calling her out and so she’s decided to do what? Show you whose boss? Punish you some more maybe? …And how has she decided to do it?

She called you to say you made to many demands and she doesn’t want to speak to ever again! LOL. This is how she’s going to punish you? By leaving alone from now on….or until she needs something from you, LOL!

Brother you need to get real! If you would just get a little angry on behalf of YOURSEL and think about what she’s just done, then maybe you could see all her BS for what it is!

So now you’re full of fear and terror….? That she will leave you? LOL Hello MS, has it occurred to you yet that she has already left you? Has it escaped your notice that new rules had to be put into effect at your company because of your WW’s public behavior with the OM!? And now you’re worried about what? That she has threatens never to speak to you again! You must be joking! This all that’s left for her to do to you or take away from you? This is a joke, right? She is a joke, right?

Well if you think not, MS, here’s something you can take to the bank! Something that will make you feel better, (although I don’t know why it would). I make very few guarantees to any one ever about anything but here’s one that I’m making to you. If you stop speaking with her and cut of all contact with her, she will come after you like you wouldn’t believe. It may take a few days or even a week or two but she ain’t through with you yet! Count on it!

Here’s how it will probably play out:

First, it will be with anger and hostility that knows no bounds. She will accuse you of every thing from being a sick jealous man to being and ax murder.

Second, if you keep your cool and refuse to take her bait, she will try cozying back up to you. Making veiled promises to see what it will take to get you interested again and back in line. Of course it will all be BS but this is where you’ll be most vulnerable. You’ll want to believe her and give in right away.

Third, if you stay the course and hold out for nothing less then her total acceptance and taking full and complete responsibility for her promise to change her behavior…then you will have a shot at saving the marriage.

Fourth, it will be up to you to help her work on being honest with you and keeping her on the strait and narrow.

Just wait and see. Do your part and watch what happens.
Coach

hi John
WHAT IS ^BUMP ^ MEAN?
Hi Coach You think all ww come running back?If I was the one with someone else,then I would lose interest in my w.
Dont you think she can move from her FAthers home,and into the om,and then what? That would be easier for him to take her everywhere. She never had license.He will take her $$
Wont she cheat on him in due time? My kids dont want my ww back NOT EVER.Is it ok for me to have female friends during this difficult time? She says she has teh problem,and its attention plus more from men.She is so busy giving all her attention to om ,she has none for me. Thats sad.I have top play the waiting game. I was suppose to go back to work today,but did not return.I cant stand the sight of them two.

MS,
Most of these questions only you can answer and NO not every WS comes running back. But what you need to do is go with the best chance for success solution.

You know where your current behavior has taken you. Could you have made matters any worse? So lets say that that she doesn't come back. Do you think what you're currently doing would change that?

Doing things the way folks around here are suggesting will at least leave you wth your dignity if nothing else. Understand once and for all that her coming back will be her choice to make and no one elses. Your taking her back, however, will be your choice to make and nobody elses.
Coach

Hey Steve,

Whenever a thread is responded to, it goes right to the top of the list on page one. 'Bumping a post' is when you reply on a thread simply to get it up to the top again. I did it because your thread had dropped to page 3 and I wanted to put it back on page one.

The Coach is right on, all the way. I'd bet money on what he predicted regarding your wife and how she will react to a properly applied Plan B.

On the other hand, I could be wrong... but in that case, what have you lost? Really? Do you really want to have a wife who does not respect you? Who thinks it's ok to just flirt with men and have affairs whenever she feels like it?

John

hi John
I have to talk to ww this week about child support. She should be starting a new bank account this week.My daughter is 18,but I can get cs for her as well,cause she is a college student.I am finished with the job,and applied for un-employment until I get a new job.In the long run,I guess I would be much happier without her.

Is there someone who you can have talk with your wife in your place? Plan B means no contact with her at all. This is a pain in the [censored] sometimes, but there's good reason for it. Half way really doesn't work when you are doing plan B.


Whoaaa-buddy.... this is a marriage building site, remember! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> We're here to try and work things out with your wife, Steve.

HOWEVER...
IF she doesn't start making some GOOD decisions...
IF she wants to keep flirting around...
IF she wants to keep disrespecting you...

Would you be happy being married to her? Would you?

BUT...

IF you do your Plan B well, and she starts to 'wake up and smell the coffee'...
IF she decides to start treating you with Love and Respect...

Doesn't that sound like a much much much better deal?

John

Steve,

I have some 'homework' for you...

1st assignment: Go back and reread the Coachs post to you. There's some good stuff there.

2nd assignment: Think of something to treat yourself to this week. Something that you're gonna do for you, something nice and fun.

Take care,

John

hi
Can someone tell me why ww would be upset to pay child support through court,and not out of court. She may only pay outside to make a couple payments,and thats it. The amount she offered seems to be more then she would pay through court.If she afraid,or embarrassed to go through court?
Her rings were on the table at her Father's when I dropped some things off yesterday ,and she was at work.Shge has stopped wearing them. Should I take back both rings,just the Diamond,or leave them with her?
Her Father said she is moving out soon with the om,cause he is at a place that is for elderly housing,and he is not suppose to have anyone else living there.