Steve, are you still in Plan B?

Dang it Mel... you keep doing that... posting while I'm logging in to post... and posting what I was going to post...

Steve, how are you doing in Plan B?

As for your question, it is all about CONTROL!

If there's no court order, she can pay you what she wants, when she wants, for as long as she wants. She gets to think good things about herself. She gets to tell everybody, "Oh yes, well I don't have to pay child support, but I do anyway." And then everybody will think she's great.

With a court order, she has no control. No power. If she's mad at you, she still has to pay. If she goes out to the bars and spends too much money, she still has to pay. Instead of a gift to you she is being forced to fulfill her responsibility to you and her children. She does not get to tell everyone how great she is, and how generous.

It is good that she is moving in with OM. Believe it or not, it is good. Her insane little fantasy will fall apart MUCH quicker this way.

So now, onto you, Steve...

How are YOU doing?

What are you doing with your time?

John

Oh yeah... if she left her fathers, and left the rings there, take them and KEEP THEM SAFE!!!

John

HI
I will pick up the out of court paymen,rings,and anything else today . I will tell her Fsther to make sure she steps out while I go there. I am doing ok,but I decided to go to a doctor . My appointment is today. If I am out of work on court day..will that make me look bad?

Steve, I'm impressed. This is VERY good thinking!!!

If you miss work on court day? I thought you had given notice and were planning on going for UI... (did I miss something?) anyway, no... it should not make you look bad. If you have a court date it is illegal to miss it and THAT would look bad.

If you have any doubts about her being there, make sure you bring a friend. You can have him there as a back-up, a witness, for moral support and if she is there, he can actually go and collect the things while you wait in the car.

John

John

[quote]

If you miss work on court day? I thought you had given notice and were planning on going for UI... (did I miss something?) anyway, no... it should not make you look bad. If you have a court date it is illegal to miss it and THAT would look bad.

hi John You misunderstood me. I meant would I look bad on court day being un-employed?I have good reasons for not staying at the cheating job.

Well Steve, I've been through the legal system here in Canada. The fact of the matter is that judges are people too and in my experience, a lot depends on which judge you get and what kind of mood (s)he's in.

If, for example you get a judge who has suffered through infidelity, he might very well be MORE than understanding.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. When you see your doctor today, ask him about it. Getting UI based on emotional trauma at the workplace my require special forms and if it becomes an issue, those might be handy.

Apart from that it may actually work to your advantage as child support might be calculated based on the income of both you and your wife. Currently your income is zero. That might up the amounts you are entitled to receive.

I'm sorry I can give you more solid reassurances. Courts and judges are, in my opinion, notoriously quirky. So just be honest, and do what you gotta do.

John

gm
I went to the Doctors yesterday,and got two prescriptions.
I dropped off a couple more items at ww FAthers house. Her sister was there.I received out of court child support payment,ww keys for our apartment that she took off from.
The rings were no where to be found. Next week is big week for me. Lawyers,sherriff,summons,and take control of the situation. I am starting to feel better already. I am taking kids out to eat,and Star Wars movie on Sunday.Looks like sunny Holiday for cookout.I agree with you both,and hope ww moves in with om soon. This is going to be fun,and enjoyable. Thanks again for super coaching.

hi
Its been 10 days since my last post,cause not much happens in Plan B ..I guess. I am off to court on Monday for child support,and arrange for visitation for ww,and 15 year old son. Maybe something will come of the visits,and wake up ww.
My son doesnt want to go,but I would like to set up a one weekend visit to see how it goes.

hi
I been in Plan B for a few weeks now,and no contac with ws.
We use her sister as a messenger girl,and my kids dont want to see their mom,cause she took off with om. I go to court for child support in one week. Its a long waiting game.

Steve, you are doing just great. But stop waiting! Get on with your life and focus on yourself and your children. Try to learn to live your life instead of hers. Hang in there!

Its been about a month since I last posted here.My ww left me,and the kids (15+18 ) about 2 and half months ago.
She is living with her Father during the week,but spends weekends with om,and works with him,and is with him all the time. She does not want to see me,and only sends text messeges to the kids.
I am behind 2 months rent,and lost my job. I go to court for child support next week. We talk through her sister as a messenger girl,but nothing is going well. I am looking for financial help from ww,but she does not care about anything. She is too deeply involved with om,and he coaches her every move. What can I do now?

Sorry to hear about your sitch. Check out your state's laws on abandonment. Why is her family enabling her?

How are the children? Can you check out support groups for fathers or abused H's? It happens more than we'd like to admit.

Family court may have some services you could utlize. Please check those out.

take care,
L.