Pep posted the following in her get real post and I didn't want it to get lost.....
she said the following...
Selected conflict avoidance may be a life-saver at times .... or a sanity-saver at the very least.
I choose my battles with my kids. And it has definitely worked to my advantage. I am learning to choose my battles in other areas as well. I no longer even mention to dear Mr. Pep that he has, for the two-millionth time no less, left his toothpaste spit in the sink for all of us to enjoy. I have told him that this is rude and filthy, to no avail. He cannot remember to rinse it out no matter what level I take my nagging to. So I have "re-framed" this activity this way:
I decided he is far to distracted in his mind to rinse the sink after his spit because he is deeply and warmly contemplating my beauty and desireability ... and voila' ... I now don't give his spit another thought as I rinse it away my own self.
So ... selected blind/deaf/dumbness is prolly a much necessary marital tool Harley has neglected to write about in his books !
I love that she is able to put in to words a visual description of such an important marriage tool....
that somehow socieity perceptions, negative views and spins on marriage....over-rides this to the point that it almost sounds foreign...
and i bet donuts to dollars one can find web-forums that go on and on ad-nauseum with tips on how PEP could change control and beat mr Pep in to toothepaste submission...and those that would tell Pep to change HER attitude about the toothpaste would be looked upon as submissive at worst and suspiciously foreign at best.....
The everyone loves Raymond constant portrayal of marriages being mockable for the entire sitcom till a smidgen at the end half heartedly reminds us to really underneath it all even with all the self created nit picking and drama....we really should like our spouses...sorry a little too late, in my opinion..... and much more enjoyment was gained from seeing the spouses mock and complain about eachother.....
fitting in with peers friends the work gang that the expectation is that we complain about our spouses....over anything and everything.....
It's ALL about attitude and how we the ones dissastified with the behavior aproach the offensive behavior....
and I'm not talking big ticket items that are CONSTANT unacceptable behaviors and violations of protection ...those are not part of this discussion
I'm talking about the little stuff.
One of my core beliefs of God,,,and Jesus if you will is that I believe when he walked this earth...he was an unbelievably happy person...no matter how you view him as importance in mankinds history....
that part of his charisma was someone who loved his friends fiercely and with much abandon...otherwise people would not have followed...nor would others have feared him.....
a favorite potrayal that was popular in the 70's was a print in black and white of Jesus with a goblet of wine in his hand and his head thrown back, huge mouth open smile as if he is hearing the funniest joke ever...and laughing...
I believe the print itself is titled Laughing Jesus...
I love that potrayal of Jesus and I often think of it...
and while I am not trying to be preachy...I have used that image to serve me well....
I often think that God finds us very amusing as well as other things....
and that in reality he probably finds people that leave toothpaste in the sink as equally amusing as the people that spend precious energy and time complaining and moaning about toothpaste in the sink....
why am I rambling about Jesus....
I don't know..
but when I see Mr. Ark as a child of God...cherished and important to him.....I can see him (mr arkie) on a different scale...and I can see that leaving his grass covered shoes in the living room is NOT a direct attack at me...nor is it in the scheme of life a big deal at all...and I can even pick the shoes up and put them away without another thought...even if I have to pick up a pair of shoes in nearly every room...
what I like is that when he walks in the door at the end of his work day...the shoes are picked up.....and he and I can spend time on other things.....
I hate how society demeans marriages
I hate that media spends no to little time on positive stories...
I hate when people that are married spend more time perpetuating the negative aspects....than ever speaking something kind of their of their spouse...
I think it is an insidious contributor to the occurance and "so called permission" of affairs....
I think people buy all kinds of marriage myths that are not true...and are only made true by people buying in to them...
self fullfilling prophecys....
now that was one heck of a ramble....
and I have even confused myself......
but thanks pep...
for your visual
I didn't want that one to get lost..
ARK^^
