My wife admitted to me about her affair and since then her other guy got back together with his wife. Now she is dead set on a divorce and says she doesnt know what the future holds. She says at this point in her life she wants me out of her life forever.

Anybody got back together after the divorce if so how long and how?

GABOY, just bumping this up in the hope somebody in a similar situation can help. Have you tried posting on the divorce forum? I can't help (yet!). Good luck. TT

Have you got kids with this woman?

Pep

Gaboy, You have to read the story of hopeful_person -- or is it hopeful person? -- on these boards. It's dynamite.

Gaboy, I bumped hopeful_person's thread for you.

No we dont have kids. My wife is so mad with me because she thinks that I have been going around telling people what she done. Its though she thinks there are no consequences to face after her affair.

She did catch me going into her email account and I should not have done it but I was curious. She wants the divorce no matter what. 3 days ago we talked on the phone and she said we could set down and talk about this and 2 hours later she calls me and tells me no. She said she did not know if she wanted to hold off on the divorce or not, now she is full fledge. She wont answer the phone and when she does she screams @ me.

What do I do now?

First off what do you want? To stay married or divorce?

IMHO, you can do whatever you want here. The fact that you do NOT have kids, makes things easier for you.

There are many many people here on this MB who have applied these principles and have saved marriages, many have applied these principles and have NOT been able to save the marriage. I am by no means a marriage counselor, but I would advise you to GET HELP for yourself FIRST.

You cannot make your WW do anything. Please accept that premise. You can only do the things that you have control over.

Get some counseling for yourself NOW. You should "recover" yourself first here. That way, even if your marriage ends, YOU WIN. Your WW should accept and deal with the fall out from HER CHOICES. There is no reason to make any life altering decisions today, EXCEPT making your priority of finding some help and support for your mental well being. Get family anf friends to support you. You need all of the support you can get.

Your WW is who she is, do NOT worry about her today. Worry about yourself, and do what you have to to do make it through TODAY. Worry about tomorrow.....tomorrow.

LM

I want to stay married and work through this but she says she does not want to be with me anymore and she has lost all connection and love for me. What can i do?

The other guy is currently going to counceling with his wife, he apparently has done this tto 4 other couples.

We have been together since she was 17 and I was 24, has she found out that there is more to life. We just recently built a new house and a week before all of this came about she bought a lot of wicker furniture for the front porch.

My question is was she really thinking about divorcing me when she bought that stuff or what? She says she has been unhappy for a long time

Do you think that she is still in a fog, what can I do?

Give her the divorce and try later

This is why we call it "the fog." Most likely, most parts of her were content with the relationship. Some were not. Then she met big boy.

Now that this has played out, she has to rewrite the script so that she was NEVER happy, ALWAYS knew it wouldn't work. Otherwise, how could she justify violating her own principles? Since big boy is distancing himself from her as quickly as possible, she can hardly claim it was "true love." Now she has the humiliation of being rejected, and the greatest solace is probably to reject someone else, quick, before it all hurts.

Don't know about divorce. How long does it take to get in your state? Broadly speaking, you have three options: go along with it, actively resist, or drag your feet (that is, saying you are going along, then stall anything that can be stalled).

She's moving awfully quickly, and it sounds like she's in some sort of weird momentum. But I'll let others chime in.

How do I know he is really out of the picture, she told me he was. Will she wake up one day and say wow what have I done. A friend told me that she was having good days and bad days thinking about me. She said she was not ready to see me, she wont even answer the phone

Well, that's good news. Anything to slow her down so she has time to think before she acts might be a good idea. She's likely to regret actions taken hastily and impulsively. Maybe the friend could help here. As long as the advice is seen as not coming from you (which will make her want to resist it), it might be listened to.

Right now do i even try to call or e mail her or just give her some time. She was seen saturday with a married couple friend of ours. This friend had an affair and stayed married. Should I contact her in any way, she has even said that I am spreading all of this about us every where, even showing people a copy of our divorce papers. I have so lost it, I dreamed about her last night

I want to stay married or even consider getting a divorce and starting over

Gaboy, did she move out of your house?

No I moved out

Why did you move out if she had the affair? Moving out is a terrible strategic move because it only serves to enable the affair. If anyone should move, it should be HER, since she was the one having the affair. A BS should never ever allow himself to be ejected from his own home. Is there any reason you can't go back to your home?

She went out of control and said she wanted me out of the house,she changed the locks and everything. Closed our checking account. Changed her cell phone # and just a while ago she ask me if I wanted her # and I told her no but if she was gonna give it to me I would take it and she said in a sacastic tone NO. What gives here with her?

Gaboy, you can't work on your marriage if you aren't there. She wanted you to get out so she could carry on her affair. And you accommodated her. You allowed yourself to be deprived of your own home. I would suggest going back home and telling her that if she wants to be seperated, then she can leave. She can't legally kick you out of your home without a court order.