PANSY posted this to me:


"Posts: 2
Re: Questions for those Recovered [Re: frozen1229]
#2700485 - 05/05/05 09:41 AM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply



HI THIS HARD FOR ME TO WRITE. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 35 YEARS AND THE WEEK BEFORE OUR 34 ANNIVERARY I FOUND CONDOMS AND JELL IN MY HUSBAND VAN. WE GOT INTO A FIGHT ABOUT IT. HE SAID THAT HE WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH GETTING A ERECTION AND USING THEM ON HIMSELF. HE SAID THAT HE WASN'T HAVING A
AFFAIR AND THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE. I KNEW THAT HE WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIS ERECTION. THE THING THAT GOT ME WAS HE HATES CONDOMS AND HAS NEVER USED THEM. HE ALSO YELLED AT ME FOR SPYING ON HIM WHEN I FOUND THE CONDOMS. I NEVER WAS SO HURT IN MY LIFE. I SAID AFTER A FEW WEEKS OF FIGHTING THAT I BELEIVED HIM,BUT I DIDN'T. THING GOT BAD, I CRIED ALL THE TIME AND LOST 60LBS. NO SLEEP. WORRY CRY AND SO ON.HURT SO BAD STILL DO. I STARTED TO LISTEN TO HIS CELL PHONE MESSAGES. HE FOUND OUT I WAS DOING THIS AND CHANGED THE CODE. I ASKED HIM WHY HE GHANGED THE CODE. HE SAID BECAUSE HE NEED PRIVATE TIME TO HIMSELF. NEVER NEED THIS BEFORE IN 35 YEARS. HE LIE TO ME ABOUT PEOPLE ON THE CELL THAT WOULD CALL HIM. THEY WERE ALWAYS GUYS,FOR A WHILE I WAS THINKING HE WAS GAY.THAT TURNED OUT TO BE WRONG. I STARTED TO PUT A TAPE RECORDER IN THIS VAN WHEN HE WENT TO WORK. LEARNED A LOT THING I DIDN'T WANT TO. WELL I TOLD HIM THAT I KNEW HE WAS HAVING AFFAIR . HE TOLD ME THAT WHAT I HEARED ON THE TAPES HAS ONLY HIMSELF TALKING TO HIMSELF. THERE IS NO ONE ELSE. WAS I GOING CRAZY? THEN HE STARTED ELLING ME I WAS CRAZY OVER AND OVER. I NEEDED HELP HE WOULD SAY. SO I WENT TO COUNSELOR. WEEKS AND WEEKS AT ONE POINT MY COUNSELOR WANTED TO PLACE ME IN THE HOSPITAL.ALL I COULD TO WAS CRY. THINGS GOT A LITTLE BETTER FROM GOING TO THE COUNSELOR. MY HUSBAND HAD GONE THE FRIST TIME WITH ME. THE FORTH VISIT I ASK MY COUNSELOR IF MY HUSBAND SHOULD COME THE NEXT TIME. HE TOLD ME NO THAT WHAT HE SAW THE FRIST VISIT LED HIM TO BELEIVE THAT HE WOULD NOT TELL HIM THE TRUTH. HE WAS HERE TO HELP ME . HE TOLD ME TO SEE A LAWYER AND FIND OUT WHAT MY RIGHTS WERE. WELL EVERY WEEK SOMETHING NEW WOULD HAPPEN. I GOT OUR CREDIT REPORT AND A SECOND ADDRESS WAS ON IT. I DON'T KNOW THIS ADDRESS. SO WENT ON COMPUTER AND FOUND OUT IT WAS APPT.BUILDING WITH FOUR UNITS. GOT LISTING OF PEOPLE INTHE BUILDING THAT HAD LIVED THERE AND WERE LIVING THERE. I GOT NAMES AND PHONE NUMBERS AND DATES OF BIRTH,ECTS. I STARTED TO GET PHONE CALLS AT HOME AND THE PERSON WOULD HANG UP ON ME. I STAR 69 AND ALWAYS THE SAME UNLISTED NUMBER. THEN ONE DAY IT HAPPEN AND SAME UNLISTED NUMBER IN AN HOUR THE PHONE RANG SAME HANG UP ON ME . I STARED 69 AND GOT A PHONE NUMBER . I COULDN'T BELEIVE IT. DIDN'T KNOW NUMBER . I GOT THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN THE APPT, BUILDING AND GOT THE LIST I HAD SURE ENOUGH THE NUMBER WAS THERE.PERSON NAME AND AGE. IT WAS A WOMAN. WENT AND CHEEKED OUT HUSBAND PHONE HE HAD THE NUMBER DAILED FROM HIS PHONE. WEEKS WENT BY DID NOTHING. WENT TO ADDRESS ONCE AND FOUND OUT THAT SAID PERSON HAD MOVED. I THINK BACK AND THAT WAS A LIE. ASK HUSBAND FINALLY ABOUT ALL THIS SAID THIS HE HAD NO IDEA WHO PERSON WAS AND NO IDEA WHY ADDRESS IS ON CREDIT REPORT AND SAID THAT HE WAS RACKING HIS BRAIN TO THINK IF HE LENT HIS PHONE TO ANYONE TO USE. I CALLED THIS NUMBER AND ASK HER TO CALL ME. SHE DIDN'T BUT A BOYFRIEND DID. SAID HE WAS HER BOYFRIEND AND WANTED TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON SO I TOLD HIM. WE TALKED A WHILE I ASK TO TALK TO HER HE SAID SHE NOT A PHONE PERSON. THEN HE SAID THAT MAYBE IT WAS JUST HER MAKING A WRONG NUMBER WHEN SHE CALLED MY HOUSE. THEN HE SAID THAT IF I WERE YOU I WOULD BELEIVE MY HUSBAND .I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK OF THIS AT ALL. MONTHS PASSED AND THING DID GET BETTER . THATS THE WAY IT GOES THEN THERE WAS A MESSAGE ON HIS CELL AGAIN NO ONE TALKED BUT NUMBER IS ON MESSAGE AND HE DAILED IT FROM PHONE.NOT THE SAME NUMBER AS BEFORE SO I CALLED NUMBER PERSON PICKED UP PHONE BUT DIDN'T SAY A WORD I SAID HELLO HUNG UP ON ME. I CALLED BACK SAME AGAIN. I CALLED AGAIN BUSY BUSY BUSY. THERE A LOT OF OTHER THING THAT HAVE HAPPEN THIS IS TO LONG ANYWAYS. HE IS NEVER GOING TO TELL ME THE TRUTH. I HAVE TRIED A LOT OF THINGS WRITTING LOVE NOTES TO HIM AND BUYING HIM THINGS FOR NO REASON. IAM ALWAYS THERE FOR HIM IN OUR 35 YEARS . HE SAY JUMP I SAY HOW HIGH. I GET HIM HIS BREAKFAST AND DINNERS AND DO WHAT EVER I CAN FOR HIM. I TELL HIM I LOVE HIM AND HE TELLS ME HE LOVE ME AT LEAST 6 TIMES A DAY. THE SEX IS GREAT AND THEN THERE IS THIS PERSON . ITS LIKE HAVING 3 OF US IN THE MARRIAGE. THE DARK CLOUD AS I CALL HER ALWAYS THERE. WHAT DO I DO WHEN SOMEONE WILL NOT TELL YOU IF THEY ARE OR ARE NOT HAVING AFFAIR? THE LIES ARE THE WORST. THE HURT I FEEL AT TIMES IS WELL I JUST CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT WORDS. BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HURT AND LIES AND NOT TELLING THE TRUTH IS KILLING ME DAY BY DAY. IF YOU OR ANYONE CAN HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS .HELP PANSY "

Bump, for Pansy

Pansy - alot of us have been through this and I am so sorry this is going on. It is so painful - 35 yrs is a long time. This is a good place to be. There are alot of wise people in this site - stay here in General? and you will recieve very good advice.

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP. ANY IDEAS HOW I CAN SAVE THIS MARRIAGE?