I am so FRUSTRATED -- I am logged in one minute, type a post and POOF! I am not logged in and post disappears! This has happened 4 times in the past two days! UGH!

OK -- So here I go again w/ my post:

Has anyone renewed their vows after the dust settled on their whole ordeal? H has asked me to do this with him to start fresh -- says he wants to be able to tell our kids when they are older and know about A that it was a huge mistake that was very wrong and hurtful to their Mom so we renewed our vows and he got a second chance to start over with Mom.

He had the sweetest most emotional talk w/ our kids last weekend. He explained how when we got marroed we made promises or vows to each other and that he had broken his vows to Mommy. He told them that the past year had been rough with fighting and Mommy being sad because he had hurt Mommy deeply by not keeping his promises. He asked them how they felt when their best friends didn't keep a promise to them. He also told them that as they were older and had questions about any of this he would be glad to answer them. Then he explained that he wanted a chance to make new promises to Mommy and asked if they would participate. It was such a WOW moment for me -- just to see him have that talk crying like a baby the whole time and to know it was his idea to do it. It was so good for me to see his deep remorse for his actions as he looked at our family and took the blame for the pain that he had caused. I think I loved him more at the one moment in time than at any other thus far in our lives together. So of course I am willing to renew our vows and I was just curious if anyone else did that and how it was.

BTW, DDAY one year anniversary is tomorrow -- UNBELIEVABLE! I have been up and down (really down, down somedays) and have pretty much leveled out in a year's time. Think I will send OW a Happy DDay card "Do you realize it was exactly one year ago today that I found out you were trying to ruin my marriage? Well, here we are and although you gave birth to H child, I am still here! Guess I won!!! Oh, we are renewing our vows next month, care to come watch?" Just kidding -- but it would be fun to send.

Beth

Are the vows something you both feel now?
Not something you are hoping for in the future (even the near future) or something that you are working towards.

There was a ws who posted here about a year ago and wanted to renew them within a month or two of d-day. She was really pressing the issue with her h.

If the betrayed spouse is still feeling resentment, anger, hurt, etc., then my belief is you should hold off until both parties truly feel from their heart, they mean them & they are very comfortable with saying them to each other (& to everyone else).

Chris,
Thanks for your reply -- yes, it is something we both feel now. Sure, I still have my times when I get upset about the whole thing but I think that may linger -- there are triggers out there they may always set me off (movies, songs, certain places). We have worked really hard to get to the point where I again feel happy and hopeful for our future. H doesn't hide things about OW, listens intently to my input in OW/OC sitch/decisions, and is firm in his stand that our M come first and that he will not do anything that shows disrespect to me as his wife (ie: tolerate her emailing his email account instead of home one, etc.) SO we are at a point where I feel ready to start fresh too -- I don't feel pressured to move on too quickly. I feel like H has earned the priviledge to recommit to me and I want the chance to say ok--let's start over and giv ehim a clean slate in front of our family and kids.

Beth

[color:"purple"] H & I renewed our vows LAST Oct for our 12th anniversary.....it was about 6 years or so AFTER d-day but we had just ended C w/ OW & OC because of the sheer stress on our family & OW resistance @ every turn. WE were planning the vow renewal BEFORE C ended.....that was just a side note.

But anyhoo....it was great & EVERYONE that we invited showed up. Our friends & family were VERY supportive. It was small & we had the ceremony @ a local park that is really big w/ lakes & stuff. IT was beautiful & followed by a dessert reception right there.

Everyoen was encouraged to bring a picninc lunch and blankets to sit on ect. I made a new dress & H & the kids had new clothes, we were kind acolor coordinated.

I FELT really good about it, it meant a LOT to me & I really enjoyed it. WE've been through ALOT & I think a we deserve to celebrate when a marriage survives & makes it through.

I think couples should have more reaffirmation ceremonies & celebrate the GOOD things in life a LOT more than we do!

You can make a small intimate celebration or go all out.

I vote---go for it!

xoxoxoxox
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