My wife pursued a man 18 yrs younger than her almost completely tearing apart our family and marriage. How many aging woman go after, have gone after, or want to go after younger men young enough to be their kids? ABC's Primetime just did a segment story on this subject and it caused me to post this question.

TooSoon

I don't see it being any different than what men have always done.

Of course if your wife was running around on you, destroying the family than her head wasn't in a very good place, so the kids head she was with couldn't have been in a very good place either. We attract people who are at or close to the same intellectual/ maturity level we are at.

So yes, I can see where the whole situation was probably disgusting.

My brother married a woman 15 years older than him when he was about 27, and that was 12 years ago and they are still very happily married . However they were both single, very mature and didn't detroy anybody in the process.

Their sitch was very different than what you are talking about.

?... what do you mean?

dewt

Go after women young enough to be their daughters.

WAY more acceptable than when it is the other way around. Why is it such a big deal when an older woman chases after a man young enough to be her son?

Now don't be trying to debate with me Dewty boy. You know my point is valid. LOL

And I am not saying ALL men, but enough to make it common.

weave - I bet dewt's point was your unintended implication that ALL men rob the cradle.

I also bet that the "role reversal" of older women chasing younger men (a "reversal" based solely on the perceived frequency) is generated by the very same mechanisms of older men chasing younger women - self esteem issues and ego boosting.

My question is this: does everybody else think older women chasing younger men look just as shallow and silly? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Certainly someone will argue that biology and evolution play a role in the perceived higher prevalence of older men chasing younger women in that males can procreate longer into their life times, resulting in a predisposition, perhaps, to "spread their wealth." Is this the case also with other primates and mammals? Perhaps also clearly, we have more evolving yet to accomplish.

WAT

Okay WAT, you asked for it with this one.

They don't look any more ridiculous than dirty old men look chasing young girls.

In fact I actually look forward to the day when the phrase "dirty old lady" becomes just as common as the reverse.

Then men will be running around getting their you know whats lifted, using wrinkle creme and looking for that elusive fountain of youth, just to keep their wives from having roving eyes.

(I jest of course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

Toosoon,

I am not making light of what you have experienced, just think this topic is very interesting.

Well you edited since I first replied to you and now it is way too deep for me to ponder. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Many species in the animal kingdom mate for life. The wolf for instance does NOT go looking for a younger wolf who is stiil capable of breeding once his MRS has passed that age.

So I don't think biology has anything to do with it, I think it is gross immaturity and low self-esteem as you had stated earlier in you post.

My opinion only, and I do see the exceptions but NEVER, NEVER, NEVER when it is too replace an aging spouse. Only among the singles do I see exceptions to the immaturity, low self-esteem theory.

I'm an older woman married to a younger man, so I do find this discussion interesting. I think we have two separate issues here, though. One is that of adultery, which is wrong no matter what the respective ages of the participants, and the other is that of May/December romances. I don't think there is anything "shallow and silly" about true love. I also think that true love doesn't come about when you are already committed to someone else.

Huh?

Clearly biology has EVERYTHING to do with it!!!

Otherwise, they'd be chasing, say, younger automobiles!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

WAT

A friend of mine who divorced 10 years ago at 55 was talking about this same issue a while back. She said that in her 50's, dating guys in the 40's was fine. Now that she's in her 60's, dating guys in their 50's doesn't work. Weird.

When they use the term Cougar, it almost seem like a predator thing. Are they talking about older women who "prey" on younger men. Not forming relationships but using them for whatever ends and discard them?

I agree that true love can't happen when you are already in another relationship. I also think that love comes in many flavors, May-December or whatever.

Hold on a second now......

I don't "chase" young women around,

I have stuck to dating within a couple years of my age but....recently stopped seeing after 5 months somebody older than me.

I have gone out with a 22 year old a couple times, because she asked me too. I just got tired of buying her friends beer....LOL...just kidding!!!!!!! We didn't have anything else in common other than she found me handsome and funny and I found her beautiful. Not a real solid foundation y'know<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Now I am going out with a 28 year old who's husband passed away (murdered at 39) not because I chased her but because we were friends and it turned into something else(kids in the same classes).

As a single man I'm truly not chasing girls that age but if asked I'm not saying "NO" either.

Who knows where I'll find the one to finish this life with?
Will she be 12 years younger than me?
12 years older?
I don't know and really don't care which.
Whatever the age if they can follow the teachings here, then I'm interested.

My mom was dating somebody 2 years older than me, I didn't care as long as he made her happy(My Moms young, 57).

Of course the flip side of that is there are many men (And I know a few) in my age group that think 30 is over the hill....to me 30 is just when a woman starts hitting their good years....confident, sexy, know what they want, willing to work out problems, comfortable within themselves, being good mothers, dedicated..... all the good stuff

I'm done blabbering

RebornMan

Yep, agreed GG and Elspeth. We do have a few separate issues going on here don't we.

"Chasing" younger men and falling in love with a younger man are two separate issues.

Elspeth,

With my brother(who was a quite the ladies man in his youth) and his wife, they bring out the absolute best in each other. If ever there were a couple who were "soulmates" it would have to be them. For some reason it has never been apparent in looks (the age difference) because they are so clearly suited for one another. In their case (and I would imagine yours as well) age is irrelevant.

ditto weave

els - I apologize if my "shallow and silly" statement offended you. Key word was "chasing" - i.e., trolling for any takers. Not to be confused with discovering a potential meaningful relationship.

WAT

I have a little experience with this...

When my WW and I met, I was a Junior in HS, she a Senior in College. Talk about a gap! Even then, though, I was as mature (if not more!) than she. Now, the gap is much less visible. I would go as far as to say that I am twice as mature as she at this point - she chose to have an A - a very immature decision IMHO.

TM

I wonder if it could be because 60 seems like the big divide between middle and old age. I know it does to me-I'll be 60 in a little over 2 years and I can't kid myself that I'll live until 120. Guys in their fifties might not want to be reminded of how close they are to 60, and old age.

Well... ok. I'll let this one slide. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

dewt (who definitely prefers older women)

Hey... I just thought of something. When I was 16, my girlfriend (for 2 yrs) was 26. When I was 20, my girlfriend was 42. We dated for about 8 months till she tired me out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Does that make me 'cougar bait'?

TSTBC, I discovered the most amazing thing when my H of 20 years left me in 1999 when I was around 41. I discovered that many 20-something males are attracted to women my age. I don't know why, but I do know that I turned down several "boys" when I was single. They reminded me of my sons and I couldn't imagine ever having romantic feelings for them. One man, age 29-30, pursued me well into my next marriage and I had to block his email and IM address on my computer. ugh...

I can't imagine what these boys see in women my age [maybe they are looking for mommy?] but I do know of several 40-something women who are very flattered by this attention and date or marry these kids.

Anyway, my point is that I have not seen older women who chase these boys, but I have - several times - seen the opposite. And I see that some older women like the attention and flattery. Personally, I think its creepy and weird.

Dewt - Yep that makes you cougar bait. Bwwahaha.

But back to the subject. I could never date anyone younger than I. It would be too tempting to mother them.

I have many younger men friends. My roommates, my kids friends, friends from work, etc. We go fishing, camping, and stuff like that.

But for a LOVER, I wiil keep cruising the nursing homes.

"cougar bait?" hahahaahahaaaa <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />