Hello everyone,
I have not posted in a month or so. Just a little recap, I am the BS my H Had a 2 month A with A CW. Its been four months since i found out but this past week finally the whole thing has came out and i know everything.We been married 12 yrs have two great children.Towards the end of Oct last yr this girl kept telling my H she wanted to have sex with him he'd just laugh i guess and really had no reply. then she showed up at a place she'd knew hed be at after they left they were in the car together they kissed she wanted more but he refused. she told me that.At the time my H worked full time with over time and went to school full time with tons of homework. He was very stressed all the time. I'm not excusing him. Well anyway for the past months all i thought happened was they tried to have sex but it did'nt work, and they talk on the phone.Well i was all torn up inside but we had so many emotions locked up inside of us for yrs they just started pouring out.we realizes for the first time how much we loved eachother and how we hid the love in fear the other did'nt feel the same. we hardly said i love you and around this time it was even less. he was never home i did everything around the house. why he went to school and to work.even when he was here he was always doning homework
Everything has changed. he got a new job he stills goes to school full time but he will have his Bachols degree in two weeks.He was gonna go right back for his Masters but he is now taking much needed time off. He is doing so much for me stuff he has never ever done and said hes always wanted to but did,nt know were to start.We are closer than ever before. We never knew how to open up to each other and talk. thats all we do. He took twos weeks no pay before his knew job and we spent every min together. WE learned so much from eachother. It hurt so much to learn we felt the same way buy kepted it to ourselves.he does everything foe me and wants to spend the rest of his life making me happy.

This is what i need help dealing with. This week the OW H made her call to make sure i knew everything i guess he just found new stuff out to.Her H was A traveler and was out of state alot. anyway stuff i did'nt know came out my H came home in the mean time and did'nt want to get on the phone.he got mad said he did'nt want to do this again he could'nt go thru this again he was were he always wanted to be.I had to hear the story from him it had to come from his mouth. at first he wanted to take the coward way out and leave.but he did'nt he cryed and had panic attacks the whole time he told me. he said she just kept asking and asking and he caved in and went to her house on all days his birthday.he kept saying he did'nt know why he was confused he was twisted he was evil.she would tell him her H hit her all the time and they were in the middle of a divorce. this was before they had sex. come to find out she lied. her H asked her when we talked earlier that day she said i never said that but she also told others that.I quess they had sex a few more times she bought condoms in her car.he went to her house a few times and they talked on the phone, he says he did'nt know how to get out of. I found a reciept for a stuffed animal and when i did'nt get it on X-mas i asked and he told me what had happened.thats when we started to open up. he ended it right then she tried to tell me on the phone that after x-mas he still tried to keep it going. I think thats crap she tried to look good in front of her H.When My H told her i found out and we were gonna make a life toghter she laughed in his face thinking it was funny how he got caught.It took alot for him to tell me the rest he just wanted to save ne from this pain . I felt i had to know for us to go on.WE both are so very happy we laugh all the time we talk all the time. we never did this. He puts me first.I have never been happier he says he is so in-love with me. Hes even looking web sights up just to see if other people feel the way he does. sometimes he has cryed harder than me. this was'nt him
Can i move on?How do i move on? i been so happy for months yes i get triggers but i get thru them. should i burry thir new info. since i know how very sorry my H is and i Know we can have a happy life toghter. I never felt this way before.

Thanks LL

just wanted to add he says he did'nt love her and we did do some MC.

Great question, I'm in a similar situation, except my wife still won't admit to physical affair, even though there is quite a bit of evidence she had one.

I don't want to find out 6 months from now after I've finally worked through some of this mess that she was lying. Even if I know she was lying, I'm still trying to believe she's been mostly up front about her affair.

It's been three months and I'm still having a hard time leaving the past behind and moving forward.

If you love your spouse and you know he's trying to make it work and he's being honest with you now, keep that close to your heart. Follow your heart as best you can. You already know you can get through this.

Take care

I just see all the love my H has for me and all the love i have for him,and it hurts because we felt the same way and never did a thing. We lost touch with eachother. Now that we got it back i will never let us dreft away.

ok---im very glad your happy but i have a few issues.....they dont tell cause their afraid to hurt us(bs's) they dont tell to protect themselves.....PERIOD! he didnt do that for you---he did it for him. if he is trying to convince you otherwise i would be worried.
second....i would do a bit more counseling to help him face his issues and deal with this.

to me it seems you've already decided to stay, now you need tools to deal with the new trauma. the fact that he is willing is 75% of the battle!

lastinglove, I am glad you were able to finally drag the full truth out of that poor innocent little lamb. The abuse he suffered at the hands of that evil woman is just....shocking! Shame on her for pursuing him so relentlessly while he was running for his life! And bless his pea picking little heart, he just lied and lied about it to you, not because he is a liar and a coward who was afraid to face you, but because he was "concerned" about hurting you. [oddly he didn't have that same "concern" when he was rutting with the OW] That poor little lamb.

Ok, tongue OUT OF CHEEK now, LL, do you really believe this rot he has told you? About 75% of it is crap designed to make himself look like a hapless victim and make the OW look like Cruella deVille. If he is really that gullible around women, then he should probably stay home and hide behind your skirts like a little girl. I don't believe for a minute that your H was the victim of a predatory OW and I hope you won't either.

I suspect the pursuit was very mutual and there is likely some truth to the story that the OW told about your H pursuing her after she ended it. I sure as heck wouldn't dismiss it based on the word of a dishonest person who only wants to protect his own sorry [censored].

As far as your feeling better about all this, you are probably looking at anywhere from 12 to 18 months to recover. You really haven't even started since new lies were just uncovered this week. Every new lie you discover puts you back to day 1 of recovery. So, I am sorry to say that it is just beginning.

But, I would suggest a couple of things. First off would be to not believe anything he says. Verify everything independently and don't take him at face value. Keep your eyes peeled for any new attempts at contact. And secondly, come here and let us help you through your recovery. We have been there and can help you through it all.