Hi everyone,

Mother's day will be ONE year from when my H told me about the affair. How did you guys handle that day? I'm feeling really insecure this week. I told my H tonight that I just doubt a lot of things even though he gives me no reason to doubt him. He told me that I need to try to let go and stop holding on to it. I feel I don't hold on to it but who doesn't remember WHEN and WHERE you were when you found out? I just feel like because he told me on Mother's day, it will always be a tainted day....but I'm expecting my first little one in 4 weeks (maybe earlier because they said he is measuring full term right now) and I dont' want to hate Mother's day.

Well, my 1 year DDay anniversary is today and I made it through very well. I just enjoyed my day with my kids and have tried to see my H for who he is and where we are today rather than seeing him as the man I confronted a year ago. It has been a long year with alot of rough places but the bottom line is I made it through and not only did I make it through but H's OW relationship is in the past and H had worked hard on proving our M comes first. SO I am trying to celebrate the strides we have made since a year ago. I know I will always remember where and when just like I will always remember where and when I learned OW was pg and the where and when of the OC birth, etc. but I am choosing not to relive those horrible moments. I can remember them but I am not letting myself revisit those emotions. I have to admit a Mother's Day anniversary would be a little more difficult to work with -- but as that little bundle of joy you are carrying grows and makes you Mommy's Day stuff I am sure it will get easier.

Best of luck on your upcoming delivery.

Beth

It does get easier with time. I just passed D-day anniversarry # 3 a month ago. It wasnt to bad. The first 2 were rough. You just gotta feel it. Its there, Its going to happen, and you cant stop it. Just try and pamper yourself.
Your H needs to realize that 1 year really isnt that long. It takes a long time to heal from infedility. Some longer than others. This is not something you can just "get over". He ripped your heart out and stomped on it. You have had a heart transplant. there are long term side effects from that. Scars to heal, but will always be there.


Try to think of mothers day as a new birth for you, The excitement of your new baby coming. Focus on him.


I saw on your signature line you are naming your baby Cayden. My son and his wife are naming their baby Hayden. We are down to 7 weeks to go.
If you are like my DIL you are tired all the time and just tired of being pregnant. You dont have much further to go now. It wont be long and you will have that beautiful baby to hold and to cherise.



Lori

Hurt, Congratulations on the baby! It won't be long now!

As far as how I handled my 1st Dday, I didn't think about it too much this year because I was too busy thinking of my 2nd Dday. I had a really hard time because I felt like H ruined my birthday 2 years in a row. I guess my situation is so different from yours I don't have a lot to add.

I just wanted to tell you to focus on your new little one and try to celebrate Mother's day since you will be one very soon!

Thanks everyone,

Well I can say that this dday anni went by quite nicely. This morning when my H got home from work (he works mids for the navy) he told me he wanted me to wash his blankets he keeps at work. They were in a duffle bag and I was like, sure why not? So I opened the bag and inside was a white bag. I pulled it out and asked him, what's this? Inside were two cards and the book, What to expect in the first year. One card was labeled "mommy" and the other "Megan." I instantly started crying. I just was amazed that he would remember. Only because my H isn't one to get cards. I give him one once or twice a week and he just doesnt' do it. So I opened the "mommy" card and inside he had all the animals "sign" the card and a letter from Cayden. I was all tears. Then I opened his card and just turned into mush. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> He got teary eyed too. I just was so touched. Then yesterday we had gone to walmart and picked out the paint for Cayden's room. So we started to paint it this morning. It was great! So I just wanted to share that with everyone. Although I still feel really insecure <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> is that wrong?
Wife30, how is your pregnancy going? I hope everything is going well!

I think it's probably pretty normal to feel insecure under the circumstances. You just have to remember that the affair did not have anything to do w/ you. That was something that I struggled/still struggle with.

My pregnancy is going well. I am 6 months along. I feel great, although everyone keeps commenting how big I've gotten. Maybe they notice more because I'm short. But everything is going well!

DD Anniversary can be hard for anyone. I know it was for me. The week before I was a little more grumpy and unhappy than normal. Actually I think I just got majorily depressed because I thought we would be so much further along than we would have been. That's actually when I found marriage builders. However I since have learned that I can choose am on that day. that day is just a day in the past and we've come along way since then. Instead of focusing on the negative I've learned to focus on the positive aspects. Like your beautiful new baby. Honestly I think when your beautiful bundle of joy comes into this world all you will focus on will be the blessing the child has been to your life, not the bs and turmoil that dd brought. jmo

Yes, I am focusing on our little one due pretty soon. But today I text my H and told him that I am tired of KNOWING there is another woman out there who demands my own H's ATTENTION. She knows she has him wrapped around her finger due to oc because he doesn't want to make her mad. He doesn't give into all her games but the idea that she thinks that in her head. For example: since she started talking sh*t at work, she got in trouble and all her quals got pulled and she was put on a m-f 7 to 3 job. She used to have a rotating schedule with s and m off. She brags about how wonderful her new schedule is and how she always makes her appts during her new hours so she won't have to be there and blah blah. My h said, do you know how QUICKLY I could get her in trouble for that by going to cheif? Well, SHOW ME HOW! If she is getting the easy way out, why don't you make something difficult on her. But no, he doesn't want to create conflict. I just don't get it. *sigh* It just makes me sick. The other day she asked him to go with her to look at a house due to his "construction" knowledge. HELLO????? Why would she EVEN dare to ask that? *sorry* long day at work. I have my days where I'm fine yet today I just see everything as UNFAIR. My H tells me he is tired of being reminded that he "screwed" up. I rarely bring it up to him and I told him, you know I'm reminded EVERYDAY when I have to explain why I've been married almost 2 years and I'm pregnant and YOU have a son who is 4 months old that IS NOT MINE! *blowing off steam*

Hurt, I'm sorry. These are all the hard things about having an OC. Everyone knows your pain. Most affairs can be kept private or people forget about them, but how can they w/ an OC involved?

Take care of yourself! I know it's hard!

Was it the actual mother day last year? or the same day that just so happens to fall on Mothers day this year?

I know what you mean about hating days because of adultery.

I am so excited for you any day now!!!!!
I am due in NOV 2005 and it seems like a its coming up too fast lol believe it or not. Too many things I want to get done seems like no time.

I am very happy he recalls Mother day for you. Keep in mind he will get a baby for Fathers day LOL so your off the hook for a gift. My second child was born on Father's day and that is what my doctor said to him here happy father's day that is all your getting ....LOL

It was mother's day of last year. It fell on May 9th. So it was hard to deal with. But he really made me feel special this year.