I included this in another post I made, but realized it was kind of buried another topic. So, I'm posting it here in its own separate post in the hopes that maybe it'll get some response.

I'm thinking about making the suggestion for a new forum for those of us who have had to go the divorce route and would like to talk about how to get back into the (really really SCARY) world of ... dating (do they even call it that anymore???). Divorced/Divorcing is a great place to share that particular subject, but I was kind of thinking that I want to have a place to talk about starting new relationships after divorce - you know, the pitfalls, what it is people are looking for in a new relationship, what have we learned to make our relationships/lives different after divorce. I know that there are people in various stages of the divorce process here, and I don't want to take up the space they deserve in which to discuss that. But now that I'm divorced for several years, I think I need to work on developing new people meeting skills, and/or relationship skills. Maybe a "what does it mean when he/she says this?" kind of discussion...

Anybody think this is a good idea? If there are a few of us interested, it might help.

Well Terri...I think that is a grand idea...It would be great to see how we can apply what we have learned to the dating world.

I can say this about it...I am so less tolerant now.

I don't think I'll find myself in the minority.

I know what I want and I'm not willing to negotiate that.

RebornMan

I agree completely. I recently filled out a questionnaire on one of the dating websites, one designed to help get the right people together (yeah, ok). The summary mentioned that I seem unwilling to compromise in several key areas and that I would be better able to find someone if I was to basically "loosen up" on those areas.

Nope. Don't think so.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If I get a few more people interested, I'll write to the MB Admins and see if they can do something for us.

Terri and Reborn Man - I totally agree with you! "Compromise" is rarely a win-win. POJA is NOT what these dating services are talking about. They mean, give up something that is important to you "for" another person. I suggest that the other person is NOT the right person if you have to give up something important "for" him or her.

FYI - before I met my current H - back when Dr. W. Harley was still practicing, I went to see Harley for some insight into my personality. He told me something I'll never forget - but I did forget to pay attention to it when I met my H, unfortunately.

I wanted to know why little things bothered my in men I met that my friends all told me I should ignore, that I was being too picky. Harley said, No, you are not being picky. One by one he showed me how these "little" things were symptoms of something bigger and that my intuition was good. However, he also told me to stay away from alcoholics - those who could manipulate me - because I would be blind to what they were doing and would miss the forest for the trees.

I was able to avoid men I hadn't gotten emotionally involved with, but once I got hooked, I became blind. Example: my H.

Like both of you, I do NOT want to go there again. In fact, I'm not sure I dare date again at all. But, if I do, I want to go into it with a better approach than last time!

Hi terri -

As for your suggestion to establish a forum specific to divorcees desring to get back into "normalcy" (my word, not yours - not sure that it's the best choice) I agree that would be of value to those of us sticking our toes back in the water. I, too, spend little time on the D/D forum - not sure why. I guess it's partly because once there (divorced), the situations seem more customized to individuals rather than universally similar as during the active affair stages. Being customized, I find little commonality for both advice giving and advice seeking.

But with that thought in mind, perhaps a "divorced and dating" forum would similarly be very individualized and I personally might have the same assessment.

But the concept does make sense.

'Cept I've already navigated the "dating" game and successfully found a wonderful woman who is surpassing all my dreams - for 32 months yesterday. match.com worked for us quite well, thankyou. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

If you'd like to share experiences regarding on-line dating, I'd be happy to play. Look for me over on GQII where the problems and solutions are so, er, predictable.

Deja Vu: Exactly - it is one thing to POJA, and quite another to compromise your values just to meet someone new!

Good to see you, WAT! And glad that your experience with on-line dating was a successful one, at least in the end. I haven't really put a whole lot of effort into it, to be honest, because the searches I've done at various dating sites seem only to bring up men who want a svelte, young woman - and I am neither. I suppose I could lower my own standards, but all I'm really looking for is someone who is A) male; B) alive; C) can spell ... sort of. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

However, I've had a few people who seem interested in this forum idea. It might catch on if it is implemented. I'll forward the idea on to the powers that be. Hopefully they'll also think it is a good idea.

T

I think its a great idea!

WAT, I may take you up on this one of these days.

terri, I think that kind of forum would be a great idea. I don't know how much play it would get on a marriage building site, though.....

Ethan

Isn't it about building good MB-type relationships from the beginning? Marriage building doesn't HAVE to be about fixing existing marriages, does it? Because if it does, there are lots of us here on MB who should start packing our bags...

I like your idea for a separate forum. There are a couple of divorced folks who post their dating questions and stories on the Emotional Needs Forum. I think that it might be a good place to jump in in the meantime.


Mrs. W8ing

W8ing, I've found the EN forum to be a little ... intense. I've posted there in response to some other threads, but am not real comfortable with that particular venue.

cyllanlisa - yay, another vote! Thanks for stopping in!

thefurnitureman - I'm with DejaVu on this. It would be the final piece of a wonderful puzzle to have a forum dedicated to the already divorced's use of the MB principles in their quests to create and maintain AWESOME relationships and marriages, don't you think? We've had more than enough experience getting it wrong - most of us, anyhow - in various ways ... I'd love to talk to people about getting it RIGHT this time.

T