Hello,
I need some advise on my marriage, and I am hoping someone can help us.
My husband got transfered here 3 years ago, and his job takes him away from the home quite often. He is gone 4-5 days out of the week, meanwhile we live out side of town, and I have no neighbors, friends, or family around. Since I haven't worked in 7 years I am having a hard time getting hired for a job or volunteering to keep busy. The problem is I am alone most of the time and I need socialization, companionship, friendship and I am not getting it. I feel trapped and alone, and neglected. My husband and I did nothing but argue and fight for the past two years, until I finally left and went back home. I was home for about 4 months and he asked me to come back to him to let him try again to make things better, so I did. I have been back one week and I have only seen him twice, for about 3 hours each time.I have talked to my husband about this and he is willing to move us back home, where I can be around my family and friends while he works but he is not happy about doing it because he will not make any money for the first month transfering back home, and then he will lose almost 2,000 a month by moving back.I don't want to see him lose that kind of money in this day and age,and there is no way I could ever get a job making that much a month to compensate for the loss and he would much rather stay here then go back home.

This is a really tough decision because we both love each other and want to be with each other but with the kind of job he has no matter where we live he will be gone alot,the diffrence is if we move back home I will have family and friends around if we stay here there's nobody here to spend time with. I will feel bad if he does do this because it isn't right to ask someone to give up that kind of money for my happiness, and on the other hand, I think that your marriage and family should come first before a career or job. Can I get some advise on what anyone else would do in this situation?

Thanks So much,
Misty120

What is your choice?
To go be with your family and be happy or stay in the present situation and be miserable?

Are there other possibilities?

If not, you decide.

How do you know that he isn't willing to give it up in order to make the marraige work? If it's reasonable for you, it might be reasonable for him. And if the marriage is the priority, then the $'s mean little.

On the other hand, I am personally not a big fan of running back to family to meet needs that shoul dbe met inside the marriage. Leave and Cleave, and all that stuff.

However, it doesn't sound like you and your H have scratched even the surface of making the marriage work from a MB perspective. It is not impossible to believe that he can be gone 3-4 days at a time, and yet because of the huge deposits in the love bank, you will not be unable to function while he's gone and be perfectly fine.

I would suggest that you and your H look at the BC section (Concepts) section of this site, and review in detail the Q&A section.

You may also want to look at the book His Needs Her needs by Dr. Harley as well.

And lastly, is this some kind of career change that all of a sudden this being gone is unusual? Can you move to town or get in a position where you're in proximity to people and start to form some relationships? Is his being gone unusual? Or was it this way when you were dating and married him?