I thought we were getting along so good the past few weeks!! I was even considering putting my wedding band back on yesterday. He did make my saturday MD VERY Special! One of the best! Everything was WONDERFUL!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> Little did I know problems started about 8pm last night.

He worked a long shift at the restaurant he works at getting the buffet for MD. He was home Late (1am) on Sunday morning and back out the door at 6am. NOT uncommon for him the weekend of Mother's day. Perfectionist, wanted to make EVERYONE's Mother's day lunch/dinner wonderful.

So, I called at about 8 to tell him how proud i was & to see if he was closing or the owner, he told me he wasn't sure yet. So I waited and talked to him about 10:50. That is when I found out he was at a bar with his brother. He got home at 2am.

At 5am I woke up needing my inhaler. I checked his cell phone and the last OUTGOING call was to his x??? Girlfriend! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Let's say he was woke very Rudely! ALL plan A went out the window.
[color:"red"] Me: Why? [/color]
[color:"blue"]Him: It wasn't me it was Larry. [/color]

So I called there, His wife was PISSED and tried to ask him why. Kevin then admitted it.
[color:"blue"] We only talked for about 2 minutes. [/color]
[color:"red"] WHY would you even call. [/color]
[color:"blue"] Something was said that brought her name up & wanted to see how she was. We were friends. [/color]
[color:"red"] So WHY did you call. What got 'brought up? [/color]
[color:"blue"] I don't know. [/color]

Then I realized there were 2 calls!

[color:"red"] So one wasn't enough! You called her twice!? [/color]
[color:"blue"]I don't really see what this hurt![/color]
[color:"red"] You don't know what it hurt!? How about ME! How about our marriage. This way like opening pandora's box. NOTHING Good can come out of it![/color]
[color:"blue"]Ang, nothing I can say with make this better so why should I EVEN bother!? [/color]

Some where in all this he said I don't know why WE called her. I said, WHO is WE!? No one MADE you call her!

I told him to leave. I said that either he did it thinking I would do NOTHING or that it would be over which was it? He said, he didn't think i would find out. HELLO! He know I check his phone all the time!

I just REALLY am at a loss! I feel like my world is CRUMBLING down! I am so hurt & ANGRY!

He siad this is the 1st time he has called her. I KNOW It is the 1st time on his phone, I check the bill. I also log all his incoming calls and check them against the bill, so she hasn't called, from the cell. His work phone is another issue?

Do you REALLY think it is time to start plan b after ONE night of him calling her. I told him this just shows me he is capable of cheating AGAIN & that he is still thinking of her.

WHAT SHOULD I DO!
(sorry for rambling!)
I had him call her this morning and leave a voice mail that he is sorry he called her, he was drunk and he realizes now that it was a bad idea & that they shouldn't talk again.

?????????????
Help!

Any contact, even apology contact is bad contact. Drunken contact is even worse.

On the bright side, (I'm ever the optimist) your FWH didn't go see her. At least, you are fairly sure he didn't go see her.

XWH needs to understand about the NC thing. Absolutely, no contact, no friendship, no talking PERIOD.
I think you and your SIL in to gang up on his brother and make sure that he realizes this too. The brother can be a good ally. He can be the voice of reason that say "Dude, do not call that woman."

Thank God your H is open about his cellphone.

Good luck.

I asked my SIL or BIL to call. (Larry my BIL was the one who H said talked to xGF.) Larry said that He talked to her Most of the time & kev only talked for a few minutes.

SIL asked for xGF #. I gave it to her.
SIL called her.
SIL called H & bitched at him for LETTING her H talk to the girl.
H Said HE talked to xGF, BIL Didn't.
SIL called xgf, tells her she shouldn't have answered phone. ANY contact with Married men will get her emotionally and or physically hurt. SIL VERY MAD!
SIL calls me & said Larry sticking up for Kev, Kev for Larry, xGF not really saying anything other than SHE didn't call them.
I call xGF, Starts off very defensive (YES I understand!)
[color:" red"]Me: I am not SIL, she is MUCH madder than I, Just be quiet & listen. I KNOW you didn't call. WHO did you talk to.[/color]
[color:" blue"]Her: Both [/color]
[color:" Red"] Who the Most? [/color]
[color:" blue"] Larry about 45minutes, Kevin about 5. Then Kev called back for about 5. [/color]
[color:" red"] was larry there the 2nd? [/color]
[color:" blue"] Yes, he kept telling Kevin to hang up. They were BOTH asking me to come donw. I said No. They said what if we called earlier. I told them no.[/color]
[color:" Red"] has he called you any other time? [/color]
[color:" blue"] Yes from work. He called about 4 times the day after I called him. I wasn't going to answer but I finally did. he said he was sorry for the way it ended and for you text messaging me the day before. [/color] (She called H's phone. I took it off of him. asked what she wanted. she hung up. I called back. she didn't answer. I TMed. 'Don't call MY husband ANYMORE!' -- End of it)
[color:" Red"] Have you TMed him? [/color]
[color:" Blue"] Only Once [/color]
[color:" Red"] Do you have a BF? [/color]
[color:" Blue"] He already knows all of this [/color]
[color:" Red"] I wasn't going to tell him. K said you got engaged. [/color]
[color:" Blue"] NO! [/color]

We ended our converstaion shortly after that.

call H, He still sees NO big deal in this, but realized he shouldn't have called her. NOR does he think there is a problem with him calling her in March and NOT telling me. I wanted to tell her I was sorry. she was hurt the way I ended it. (BOOO HOOO FOR HER!) He said he didn't see how calling someone an hour away was a problem!

He said he did NOT ask her to come down. He told her she would like where they were out because of the theam. He said he has worked hard to be honest with me and keep our relationship together & I am blowing this way out of portion.

He said he got closure with this becuase she wanted nothing to to with him. (OK - why then did he call her back the 2nd time & why did they talk about 10 minutes!)

AM I OVER REACTING?

btw- i told him not to come home tonight. he is staying at his dad's.

I do not not have a good solution, but I am very, very sorry. I have been through similar and my heart hurts for you.

Stormy

I don't think you're blowing this out of proportion. But of course he does, since he's the one who messed up.

It seems to me that you need to draw some clear boundaries...along with some clear consequences. If he doesn't like them, then ask him what his problem is...if he's doing the right things, he'll never suffer from the consequences anyway.

It also sounds to me like both him and BIL need to be chaperoned when they're out together...obviously the combination of the two of them is trouble.

I have just wanted to bust out in tears ALL day today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

I know him, He is very stubborn & I am worried that him leaving will NOT be a temporary situation EVEN if he is not seeing her and neither of us really want it.

Is telling him to leave over this using a hand grenade to kill a fly? KWIM?

Calling her/having contact with her is not acceptable. It opens the door to all sorts of trouble, like playing with fire. I wonder what starfish and weaver would advise you to do. You definitely need to state your boundaries of what is and what is not acceptable and let him not you meanw hat you say. I will definitely be praying for you and your marriage. Have you contacted the OW to find out what he sadi to her or how far things went?

I have told him ABSOLUTLY NO CONTACT with her. I even asked him if he called her from work. Big surprise, he said NO. Until today when I told him she told me! He said he just wanted to tell her Sorry for ME Text messaging her & they way he ended it. (She went to met her & I was with him. He told her he loves me, we have been married 10yrs, together 14yrs & I was willing to give him another chance. I said Nothing, Just stood there. She said See ya around. He said No you wont. Today was my last day at both jobs -where the seen one another.) I did call her after she left.

I have talked to her 3 times. (4 if you count the time she called him & didn't talk to me.)

She said last night she didn't talk to him much but she did his Brother. I didn't really ask much of the conversation.

I question how much I can believe from either one of them?!

I just wanted to check on you? How are things going today?