Ok, So I discover that WH is still in contact with OW.
Emails and phone calls. Of the 10 phone calls she has responded to maybe 2. Of the 6-8 emails she has repsonded to about 3. Of all of my WH's requests to do things with her, ie golf, meet for a beer, go biking etc. She has turned him down every time. I am certain he is waiting for her to give in, but I beleive that she has a BF and isn't currently interested in persuing a R with my WH. Yes he still is betraying me and has been lying all along. I told him if he wanted to throw everything away for the mere "What if" then that was his business.

Does anyone think it would be a good idea for me to email the OW and ask her just where she stand with all of this? Personally the email I read have been very " sorry but I already have plans, Sorry but I have meetings all day" None of my WH's emails even hint that she knows about his family, although I do know that she knows he is married. Any thoughts on how to proceed with this. Is this a Plan A or a Plan B. Right now my WH isn't sure he can give up this fantasy. What if she does decide she wants to be with him.

How do I trust him from here out that he will stop the chase?

I would call her and ask her what your husband has told her about his marital status.

Then, I would expose this mess to your family ... particularly your H's parents, siblings, etc.

This is stupid behavior on your H's part.

And to answer your question ---> DON'T trust him at this point. he has not earned your trust.

Pep

Pepper.. I know she knows he is married, because I forced him to call her and tell her after I found out about their first meeting for drinks. (He had not told her he was married). Contact between then had stopped for 5 months then he ran into her at a bar, and started calling her again. I am not certain how many times since he has actually seen her. It is always put in terms of "so and so and I will be going X, maybe you could join us" Maybe she has met him, but from what I can tell she is always with friends. His emails to her make me sick. All up beat and sugar coated. Her email do not give any impression of intimacy or interest. Nothing like "sweetie" or anything,
just "sorry I missed you, but got caught up in meetings", "sorry I'm going out of town." It doesn't appear that she has intiated anything.
My SIL and BIL know and they are very unhappy with what he is doing, will they say anything? Not likely. Some of his friends are pissed and at least one has told him to knock it off. I just wish she would stop responding completely or tell him straight up that she is not interested and leave her alone!!! Only in my dreams.

This is not her problem, it's you H's problem. Even if she did this, your H still disrespects your wishes.

Have you decided where your boundary is for this? When is your time limit for him to change?

Your boundary is what are you WILLING to do if this continues?

Not another conversation with your H about how this effects you. He knows, and he continues anyway. Talking some more will not solve this, I think.

Define your boundary (for yourself), and develop you plan ... like starting legal action, or having him move out ... something with a bracing reality slap to it.

Needs to be swift, and unexpected in my opinion. He's had enough warning and coaxing. He thinks you will put up with this for longer ... will you? Being passive is not going to get you anywhere. be the one who decides where and when your boundary has been breached.

Pep

Your right Pep.....he hasn't lived at home for the past 7 months. Last week he was supposed to spend time with his DD's. Got late...didn't answer his cell. I drove by the outdoor pub he likes to hang out at. He was there...all alone. Found out the next day he had asked her to meet him there...she never showed...meetings....Now I know just how pathetic he is....sitting there all alone waiting for his dream girl...... Anyhow my plan right now is that if he doesn't move back home, start counseling and apologize I am filing papers June 15. I am not telling him either. He needs to come to this on his own power...not the threat of D.

Just curious... why that particular date?

Pep

Pep...actually June 30th.
No particular reason. If he writes another check for rent,
then it is obvious he is not willing to come home and work on the M. Ive been patient for to long already. Anniversary is July 20th. Id like to have the decision made before then.
I wrote a letter to the OW, Im not sure if I should send it or possible email. I keep asking myself if I really want him back at this point. If it is so difficult for him to choose between me and a woman whom he hardly knows and just isn't that into him..... why would I want to be with him. I deserve better after 17 years.

Homer, maybe a swift blow of reality right between the eyes (filing the papers) is the only thing that'll wake your H out of his selfish, pathetic, self-induced coma.


An understatement of monstrous proportions.