My story is probably the most unbelievable story you will ever hear. Its the most pathetic behavior I've ever exhibited. My family has been hurt beyond all belief, and I feel like the biggest failure ever. I initially contimplated suicide. I want honesty from people, and I want advice more wrong I am. I know how pathetic I am, but I dontknow how to repair my life. <P>About 12 months ago, my wife and I started having troubles. After a vacation to visit my family out of town(which she refused to come along) our fighting and troubles<BR>escalated. While I was out of town, she was hitting the clubs. I brought our 2 year old<BR>with me. Anyway some time had passed and she eventually asked me to move out. I did. It crushed my world, and she knew it. After<BR>some time... we decided to get back together and try marraige counseling. Marraige counseling turned in to a psychoanalysis of<BR>me and issues that I needed to work on. Throughout the whole sessions she hardly spoke a word. Looking back now, she admits<BR>that she didnt take the counseling serious. <BR>To make a long story short, things were no better, and we were both miserable. One night I went out with my sister who lives out of town. I drank too much. I received some attention from a girl at the bar, and I made<BR>the biggest mistake of my life. I cheated on my wife. I didnt have a condom either, so I only had sex for a minute before I realized how insane I was behaving. I honestly went home that night and sat in the driveway crying because up untill that night, the only person I'd ever slept with was my wife.<BR>As time passed I didnt mention anything about what I had done. <P>The more time that had passed the more guilt I had felt. Untill finally I broke down. I made my self sick. This is the honest truth. I missed a week of work, and couldnt even walk. I had a nervous<BR>breakdown. I began to think that I had caught a disease. I contacted a relative of the girl, and asked how I could reach her.<BR>When I spoke to the relative he mentioned that she (the girl) was having surgery that week. This escalated my concerns. I had an<BR>HIV test done. The results would not be in for two weeks. <P>I couldnt wait that long so I called and asked if everything was o-kay. I told her I did not feel well. She said that she had been sick but with strep throught. I was really scared because a sore thought is a symptom of HIV. I asked her if she'd ever been tested? She said no, but she would. Two days later, her boyfriend called me and said he needed to talk to me because she had gotten her results back and the results were serious. I immediatley freaked out. I didnt want to see the guy, I thought she'd given me HIV. I almost passed out. I called my wife, and told her everything. I really thought I had HIV. 4 days later, I got my results... NEGATIVE. That was the longest most dramatic 4 days of my life. My wife stood by me. She was hurt, but she agreed to stand by me. I didnt deserve her. I've since re-tested<BR>and have come to find out that I was the brunt of a bad situation. <P>Six months later, my marriage is falling apart. I know what I did was wrong. I know how pathetic I've behaved.BUT... Above all else, I love my wife and son more than anything. Im deeply sorry for what I've done to my family. I try to block out my experiences with this situation, because its much to hard to deal with. Im not a coward, I just struggle with the enormosity of my situation. My wife is sick at the sight of me, and I dont know if there is anything I can do. <P>I could easily give up on everybody<BR>and myself. But I dont want to. I want to<BR>know what to do to repair my situation. I want to fix my life, and move on.Im actaully a very loving, caring person. I have the<BR>deepest respect for my wife for staying with me. But I need to know what to do to keep her. She has stuck with me up untill<BR>now, but she has tried (successfully) to make me miserable, and to not allow me to forget what I'd done. I know this whole story may sicken some people. Its wrong what I have done, but the bottom line is... I really am a good person, I just made a HUGE HUGE HUGE mistake. Should I give up and let my wife walk away from me? Is it wrong for me to want to fix things? She admits thatshe loves me, but I know I have created circumstances which has broken down our relationship. Please give advice, and be honest. Again, if your only<BR>purpose is to ridicule me, please save it... I know how pathetic my behavior was, I just want to repair my life.
